


Seven

by personaljunkdrawer



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, And Lots of It, Angst, Childhood Trauma, Coming Out, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Frottage, Homophobic Language, I am doing my best to finish this story, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Multi, Oral Fixation, Oral Sex, Recreational Drug Use, Shameless Smut, Tags will be updated, Trauma Recovery, i am so bad at tagging, i still cant tag, somebody help me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:27:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 52,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22300300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/personaljunkdrawer/pseuds/personaljunkdrawer
Summary: Colby has always been a good friend, or at least had the intention of being one. And Brennen mostly was too. Mostly.  They give each other pep talks, help each other out when needed. So when Colby's comfortable routine comes to a screeching halt, Brennen does his best to be a good and helpful friend.
Relationships: Brennen Taylor/Colby Brock, Brennen Taylor/Original Male Character
Comments: 52
Kudos: 49





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nova_Raven](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nova_Raven/gifts).



> Please, please, bear with me. I am trying to get back into writing and it's just rough but here is a story that has been in my head and then in my WIP forever and I'm finally posting it. Be gentle. 
> 
> PS - This is a work donated to Nova_Raven because of the insane amount of work and creativity I am sure goes into their work, and the encouragement that that gives me.

It was Brennen’s favorite time of the week. Friends’ videos were filmed and at least partially edited, the normal work week was coming to a close, and the sun sank low on the horizon. Everything in the cool, dry air urged him to take a moment to relax. Even the dusky light painted a soft, golden haze onto everything. He knew Sam wasn’t exactly a fan of sunsets - for reasons beyond human understanding - but even Sam could appreciate an evening like this.

They had finished last-minute filming for Colby’s next video, a mix of spin-the-bottle and truth-or-dare, a la David Dobrik. They kept it PG and managed to have plenty of fun; Corey, Jake, Tara, Reggie, and Sam in attendance, with the promise of others coming by later just to have a few drinks and hang out. 

“Yo!” Colby piped up, garbled by the vape cloud billowing out of him. “So,they had other options if you guys wanna try?”

“Yeah, sure! C’mere, bubba.” Jake grabbed Colby’s clouded face and pulled, leaning in to kiss him. Colby swatted him away, with laughter all around. Tara rolled her eyes. 

“Oh my - not like that!” He managed after a coughing fit. He cleared his throat as Sam popped open another White Claw. “The site I got the game from had other options, like ‘get demonetized’ options. We’re done filming, may as well.”

Sam shrugged and Corey nodded, decidedly down with it. 

“Yeah.”

“Sure.”

“Cool.” Colby got up and headed to his ‘office’ to quickly print out the cards under the ‘Rated-R’ category.

Ten minutes later, they had finished tearing the papers into somewhat-card-like shapes and placed them face down around the table, with the bottle in the middle. The rest of the group had arrived and they decided to stay in and play instead of going out. They were a few rounds in, and spirits were high.

Sam leaned down, spinning the bottle, and looking expectantly. It wobbled to a halt, facing the window. He kept one arm slung over Kat’s shoulder and lifted the face-down card, turning it. He read the card and immediately burst into laughter. Kat leaned over to read the card. Her face flushed for a moment before she buried it in her hands, shaking her head and laughing.

“What’s it say?” Jake asked.

Sam cleared his throat and adjusted his glasses, holding the card out. “Truth - Weirdest place you’ve had sex.” He looked to Kat, who peaked out at him. “You wanna take this one?” She shook her head ‘no’, but continued to barely hold in laughter. 

Sam reddened, “We uh...Okay, how are we defining ‘sex’?”

Corey leaned in, incredulous.

“Where was it, Sam?” Jake demanded.

“Like the full thing or just like...kinda?” Sam continued, ignoring Jake.

“Where was it, Sam?!” Colby insisted.

Sam turned to Kat again, and then back to the group. “Queen Mary.”

“You what?!” Corey balked. Tara just scoffed, Jake slow-clapped, and the rest just laughed. Kat shook her head at herself but kept quiet, grinning.

“Wait, we were there! When did you even -”

“While you were asleep.”

“Kat wasn’t even there!” Corey offered.

“No, but I was in the area.” She replied, trying to be casual.

“Eh, when the mood strikes.” Sam agreed, with a slightly better casual facade. 

“‘The mood’?” Colby couldn’t get his head around this. “What, do demons get you goi- Nope, that actually explains a lot.”

Jake laughed, and Sam simply tipped his drink toward Colby in a toast and took a sip.

The turns went around and around, the spotify playlist continued, and the pizza had arrived and been promptly devoured.

Brennen looked to the bottle, cracking his knuckles. “Alright, baby, gimme something good.” He leaned in and gave it a spin. It turned to two cards, splayed atop each other. He went for the top card first, but pushed it aside, taking the bottom one at the last second, “Got a good feeling about this one.” He had a good buzz going.

He flipped it onto the table. “Dare - Seven Minutes in Heaven, spin again to pick your partner.”  
‘Ohhs’ and ‘ahhs’ and whoops spread through the room. He took a hissing breath and turned to bottle, twiddling his thumbs between his knees. It wobbled to a halt to his left and he followed the mouth of the bottle up.

Colby sat there, frozen, White Claw to his lips and vape in his other hand. He had been fully expecting this to be ‘Walking-Fanfic-Prompt-what-if-I-kissed-a-boy’ Corey Scherer, but it had stopped short. His eyes flicked to Brennen’s, who offered him nothing but a blank stare. He looked next to Sam, who was basically in charge of any situation he was in. Sam shrugged, smug grin on his face.

“Closet’s over there.” Sam nodded toward the hall closet. 

“I-” Brennen started, but he had nothing to say.

“You don’t have to do anything, you just have to be in the closet for seven minutes.” Kat offered.

“Mouthy bois go to the clothing cave to atone for their sins” Jake added.

Colby snorted at that, shrugging. 

“Closet! Closet! Closet!” Corey - of course it was Corey - began the chant, and the others joined in, until Colby stood, marching to the closet, can and vape still in-hand. Brennen shook his head in drunken disbelief and followed him, stepping carefully past Corey and shooting him a glare.

“I’ll knock when you’re done!” Sam offered, as he was closest to the small room off the kitchen.

The door closed behind Brennen, light peaking through under the door. 

“So…” Brennen began, attempting to be cool with this. Colby simply shrugged and took a drag of his vape, blowing the cloud upward and belching after. It smelled of gummy bears and mint. 

“Seven minutes.” Colby stated.

“Yup…fuckin’ Corey.”

Corey chuckled, “Dude, right?”

“Like, I get it. Games are funny, jokes are funny, but you wanna kiss a boy? Just fuckin’ do it.”

Colby nodded, pushing aside a box to sit on the floor, “I feel like he and Jake would be a good couple.”

Brennen joined him, sitting on the other side, legs crossed. “Yeah, actually. I feel like they’d make really funny videos.”

“Dude!”

“Right?”

“Yo...Jake should do a cheating prank on Tara but it’s just Corey.” Colby offered.

Brennen laughed and reached out for the can, taking if from Colby and taking a sip.

"Ugh, grapefruit?" He spat.

"It's a White Claw, beggars can't be choosers."

Brennen shrugged his understanding and took another sip, handing it back.

"You know the prank Sam did on Corey, the like, the fake uh…" he tilted his head to the side and pointed to his neck.

"The hickey prank? Yeah. Why?" Brennen finished for him.

"They could do basically the same thing but it's Corey in the closet."

Brennen chuckled as Colby finished the can.

"He might already be in the closet. Not that there's anything wrong with it, he just... what's that saying, he protests too much?"

"Yeah, I get that."

"I feel bad sort of…"

Colby gave him a curious look. "Why?"

"I feel like he thinks he can't because he's religious or whatever, but like...if you're religion is telling you to not love certain people that fuckin' sucks. Like that can't be good, putting stops on the amount of love going around in the world."

Colby shrugged his agreement, he hadn't really thought of it that way. He shook it off, rooting around in the closet for a moment and finding a small white box. He tore the top off and reached inside, producing a thin can and popping it open with a fizz, taking a long swig, and handing it to Brennen.

Brennen balked at him, kicking aside a hoodie that obscured the box. "You have back-up White Claws in your fuckin' prop closet?"

"This isn't my prop closet." Colby got another can for himself.

"Bro, get your fucking life together."

Colby chuckled "You get so heated about White Claw the way Sam gets heated about Brussels sprouts."

"I'm not heated, it's just fuckin' like...who has two boxes of them just in their closet?!"

"Costco had a sale, man. Gotta be prepared Scout's honor."

"Oh my fuckin'" Brennen's eyes widened "you were a boy scout, that's right!"

Colby nodded

"So you can like tie knots and identify plants and dig trenches and stuff?"

Colby cocked up an eyebrow ,"You need to hide a body or something? What the fuck was that list?" 

Brennen blushed "No. Just curious. I wanna learn some stuff."

Colby gave him an even more perplexed look "You want to learn how to hide a body-"

"That's not-"

"But I'm weird because I have back-stock when people come over to drink?"

"No, bitch, it's because you have three goddamn cases of White Claw in your closet!"

A loud knock, and the door cracked open. Sam.

"Less talky more kissy." He shut it again.

Colby sighed, completely ignoring Sam and returning to their previous topic. "Whatever, man. I got my shit together."

"Yeah, whatever." Brennen rolled his eyes but drank from the can anyways.

"So…"

"So…?"

"What uh…" Colby picked at one of his nails "what do you think would happen, like, if Corey did come out. Like as gay or bi or whatever."

"Nothing would happen." It was a statement but sounded like a question. "Maybe he'd get a boyfriend? I dunno, I think he's like still hurt over Devyn."

Colby groaned his agreement.

"Why do you ask? Got a secret?" Brennen stuck a leg out, jostling Colby.

"No, I just...we don't really have any 'out' people in the group but like there's no way that of everyone there like...everyone is one hundred percent straight, ya know?"

Brennen shrugged. "Yeah, sure."

"So then I just wonder, I guess."

"I mean Corey seems obvious. I would think Jake or Mike or Xephyr." 

"Dude, I can't believe Sam and Kat...clappin' cheeks on the Queen Mary? What the hell, bro?"

Colby laughed, "Yeah, trust me when I say, those two uh...they get after it."

"And how the fuck would you know?" He leaned in, like he would hear a top secret conspiracy theory.

"I used to have a connecting wall to his room." Colby deadpanned, the sheer annoyance of several nights of rolling over to put in earphones coming back to him at once.

"Jesus, I wonder where else they've 'got after it'"

Colby snorted, "I fuckin' don't."

They sat for another minute, speculating about what else they didn't know about their friends. What amusing little trusts hadn't been spilled out yet.

"I dunno, man. I'm comfortable with where I'm at, and it's like...it's like not really any of my business but I just kinda really wanna know."

Brennen gave a slow nod, putting his drink down. "And where are you at?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're comfortable there, that's good. But where is that?"

Colby gave him a curious look across the small darkness. "I like girls."

Brennen nodded but didn't speak.

"I - I like girls."

"Okay."

"Okay, what?"

Brennen shifted, "Okay, so why are you nervous?". He had been picking it his nails, sipping his drink but avoiding the vape and trying to avoid any awkward silence. Brennen knew him well enough at this point.

"I don't know."

Brennen nodded.

"Is it because you think if anything happens you'll be less comfortable?"

Colby shifted, swallowing the urge to bite his lip. "I dunno, maybe."

"Nothing has to happen."

"I know."

"You know but…?"

Colby sighed, swallowing the last of his drink, "But what if…" he looked up at nothing for a moment, "what if I just think I'm comfortable but there's more to me and I'm just like...keeping part of that in the dark?"

Brennen gave a soft sound, almost pained. "Hey, woah, dude it's okay." He spoke soft and low, "if that's something you want to explore you can totally do that and if not, you don't have to. There's no pressure or judgement man."

Colby nodded. "What if I don't like it? I don't want to offend anybody, I just like...I don't want to fuck up." He sighed and let his head fall back against the wall.

"You...this isn't the kind of thing you fuck up. You just go with the flow, ya know?"

Colby nodded.

"Obviously, like, be fuckin' safe, don't go off with any fricken' fuckboy that slides in your DMs."

Colby laughed, actually laughed.

"And don't feel bad if it doesn't work out, you're not obligated to do anything with anybody. Safety, consent, all that shit."

Colby nodded slowly ,"I feel like you gave this talk to your sister."

Brennen rolled his eyes and chuckled "Yeah, sorta. Gotta look out for the fam, right?"

Colby stayed quiet a while and cleared his throat. "What about you?"

"You mean am I comfortable?" Brennen asked "Yes, I am."

"I mean comfortable, where?"

Brennen gave an amused nod, "Oh, I see. Curious now? I'm comfortable with whatever, sort of."

"So you're…?"

Brennen shrugged. "I haven't really bothered putting a label on it, I'm just doin' me."

Colby smiled at that. There was some relief, washing at least the top layer of anxiety off of him. He'd been caught up so much in this black and white mindset about it that the fact that grey was an option too just sort of knocked the edge off of his apprehension.

"Would you, given the opportunity, hook up with a guy?" Colby dared.

Brennen thought for a moment, finally swigging his drink. "Depends on the guy, I guess."

" You got a type?"

"Doesn't everyone?"

"That's fair."

"Would you?"

Colby paused. Would he? He really didn't know. If he thought about anyone in their group, Sam, Jake, Corey... definitely not. They were like brothers to him and the thought of it just sort of repulsed him. But when he considered otherwise, some nebulous person, some faceless, handsome, no-one, maybe at a club or a party, it wasn't really any different than the thought of kissing a girl. But then again, he wouldn't be down for any of the girls in the group either. Maybe it wasn't even gender, it was just the proximity - the possibility of fucking up the dynamic, of disturbing a comfortable status quo.

"Maybe...yeah."

Brennen nodded, "Well, take your time, ya know? Don't let anyone rush you or pressure you, okay?"

Colby laughed, "I'm not that open to peer pressure."

Brennen scoffed "You're in a closet with me and half a crate of White Claws because peer pressure."

"Fuck you."

"Yeah, you want to?"

"Ugh, god." Colby rolled his eyes and resigned to hitting his vape. "If I...If I want to...how do I start? Like...I don't know how to approach a guy."

Brennen shrugged "Same way you approach a girl, I guess. Just be chill and see if you vibe, ya know? And then act out till you get banned for life from your local mall."

Colby nodded slowly, letting everything sink in. It was so much less stressful than he'd imagined talking about this would be. He had assumed he'd have to have every little detail sorted before he ever held any sort of conversation about this, but it was kind of freeing instead. It was cool that he was allowed to just not know, to not have it together. He always appreciated that about Brennen - sometimes it was annoying that he flew by the seat of his pants, that every ten minutes was a plot twist or a surprise, but it was like a balance on the scales to Sam's rigorous planning and detailed itinerary for every adventure they went on.

"I think that's what it is."

"Vibing?"

He shook his head, 'no'. "No, the uh...the starting. Like...once it gets going it'll probably be fine, like I don't think I'd be upset if I didn't click with someone or if like...like if I were talking to someone and decided not to and they are an asshole about it. I don't think that'd, like, it wouldn't be on me, that's on them for acting like...entitled to it. Ya know?"

"Okay, well that's good." Brennen reached for the vape, Colby handed it over. Brennen took a drag, coughing it back up. "Fuck, that thing rips"

"I've seen you clear an entire bowl in one bong rip, you can't hit a juul?"

"I am a delicate young man, Cole, and I will be treated as such."

"Yeah, right."

"No, but for real, it'll be fine. Getting past the first step with anybody can be like...nerve wracking, but even if it doesn't work out, like...that's not a bad thing. You'll be fine, bro."

"Thank you."

Brennen nodded.

"Seriously. Thanks. I uh...yeah sounds stupid, but I do feel better talking to you about it."

Brennen chuckled. "Well if you decide to go for it and you have, like, questions or need help or something, I gotchu."

He stuck out the vape to hand it back. Colby leaned over to grab it, staying there for a moment.

"Can I um…" He took a deep breath, Brennen holding him in a blank stare. He broke from his eyes to focus intently on Brennen's left knee, poking out through black distressed skinny jeans. "Can I...I don't...fuck."

Brennen laughed, "Uh...yeah you do, bro."

"No, I mean, I…" He swore under his breath again, sitting back. "If it's like…only if you're totally cool with it and just because like you're not gonna judge or anything and you're sort of the only person who knows now, and like this whole situation," he gestured around the closet. "I like...I don't want to get to that point and then like it's a bigger deal than it needs to be, and I -"

"You wanna kiss me?" Brennen cut him off.

Colby swallowed, nodding, "Just like...I haven't kissed a guy before and I wanna get it over with."

Brennen snorted "Wow, really know how to make a man feel special, dontcha?"

Colby shook his head, "Fuck, I'm sorry, nevermind, it was stu-"

Brennen sat up straighter. "It's not stupid, I get it. Don't like...don't shit on yourself with stuff like this, okay? It's not good to tell yourself that doing what's right by yourself is 'stupid'"

Colby scrubbed his face with his hands, but groaned his understanding.

"I just don't want it to be a thing where like I go out and hit it off with someone and then they're my first kiss and it turns out I'm not into it and then I feel like I played them, and it's like, a whole thing, ya know?"

"I get it."

They steeped in a heavy silence for a moment, before Brennen broke it.

"C'mere."

Colby's eyes shot to his, pure surprise on his face. "Wh-what?"

"Come here. You wanna get it out of the way, let's get it out of the way."

"N-no, bro, I can't just like, use you like that. I shouldn't've asked, I'm sorry."

Brennen rolled his eyes, "You're not using me; I offered to help and you asked for help. If you want to get it out of the way, so you know, or so it's not a big deal later, that's totally fine, man."

Colby slunk down against himself. "Okay". It was hardly more than a whisper.

"You wanna come here?" Brennen sat his drink down, sitting up straighter.

Colby nodded, "Do I just like...what do I do?"

Brennen chuckled, "Well typically you put your lips on the other person's lips, I dunno how you've been doing it."

Colby groaned, lugging himself up and over. Slowly, carefully, like on the freshly frozen surface of a pond, he moved toward Brennen, keeping eyes on him. Brennen made an effort to stay still, and let Colby go at his own pace. He eventually stopped, Brennen sitting up with his back against the wall and legs out in front of him, bracketed by Colby's knees as he sat back on his heels.

"Can I touch you?" Colby asked.

"Sure." 

"Okay."

Colby could feel Brennen's body heat, smell his cologne. He had been near Brennen before, obviously, hugged him after a long trip, wrestled him for a phone while drunk-texting an ex, checked him for leaches after jumping in a disgusting pond; but never in this context. The intimacy had always been a natural consequence of their fuckery, not the intent of it. It didn’t feel bad.

He leaned forward, carefully placing a hand on the side of Brennen's face. His weight was awkwardly placed, so he shuffled forward. Brennen's arms moved, giving Colby pause.

"May I?" Brennen asked. The low tone of his voice now giving Colby a quiet reassurance. He nodded. Colby felt Brennen's hands land carefully on his hips, as he shifted his weight forward more. He was so close now. 

He could see the warm tone of his facial hair, just a little lighter than the hair on top of his head. The flecks of amber in his hazel eyes, the olive blush of his lips. They looked soft. He liked that, all the hues and textures of him, almost like a color-palette unique to Brennen alone.

"You good?" Brennen checked in. Colby nodded, replacing his hand on the side of Brennen's face. He let his thumb brush over the bristles of 'haven't-shaved-all-week', a grin twitching at the corners of Brennen's mouth. Colby cleared his throat, his other hand supporting his weight by Brennen's hip, leaning forward a bit. 

His gaze shifted to his lips, there was a small freckle, he would never have noticed from any farther away. Brennen kept as still as he could, letting Colby pace himself. He leaned forward a touch more, his forehead thunking gently against Brennen's. Brennen reached up, gingerly brushing the hair out of Colby's eyes, so he could look at him, unobscured. Damn, this kid had some nice eyebrows.

"I'm gonna…" Colby began, quiet, barely there. Brennen gave him a nod, his free hand going back to Colby's hip. He could feel the knot in his throat tighten but the one in his gut simply slid loose, his heartbeat thrumming in his ears as he perched over Brennen. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes and leaned the last bit forward. 

Brennen closed his eyes, and tried to keep still, feeling Colby's breathe on his face, concentrated effort to keep out any nervous stutters, felt his eyelashes on his cheek, and the faintest brush of lips against his own. He would have missed I had he not been seeking it out. He failed to suppress a twitch forward, but before he could press his lips flush to Colby's, Colby was shoving himself backward, scuttling back to the other wall.

"Wha-"

A single footfall and the door creaked open, Colby's chest heaving, face flushed, hair mussed, cans overturned, Brennen frozen still, one hand still stuck in the air where he had reached for Colby's cheek, soft LED light pouring in.

Brennen cleared his throat.

"What's up, Sam?"

"Time's up."

"Cool."

Colby stood up quickly, with all the grace and finesse of a tantruming hippo. Brennen followed slowly after him, exiting the closet.

Jake was perched up on tippy toes on the loft, he leaned over a bit to yell down at Colby. "I found your secret, Bruthr!"

Colby froze in his tracks. "What?"

Jake pulled out a handle of tequila, shaking it around and doing a little booty dance. Colby nearly deflated with relief, laughing.

"Yeah, uh...I got it from a collab a while ago, never finished it." 

"With Brennen, right?" Sam piped up.

"Wh- uh... yeah, but it's an old bottle."

"Better with age!" Jake chirped, trotting down the stairs to the main floor.

The night slid into more drinks, games, ignoring a movie and skipping to vine compilations half-way through. 

"Guys!" Tara announced, holding a hand up. Her standing up didn't really do much for height but a girl could try.

"Hmm?" Kat peaked out from her conversation with Sam. 

"There's a party in the hills, they have an Uber sponsor or whatever so Ubers to and from the address have a discount, you wanna go?"

"God, yes!"

"I'm down."

"Sure, Kat, you wanna go?"

"Mhmm."

Seemed all around everyone was down, but frankly, Colby couldn't feel it in himself to go be even more social. He was already pretty low-battery and the idea of a rager in the hills was exhausting just to think about. 

He sighed, sinking further into the couch, the lull of alcohol and conversation and whatever the hell that was in the closet catching up with him rapidly. "Hey, you guys have fun, I'm exhausted. I think I'm gonna crash."

A few groans, but mostly they understood. Ubers were called, last rounds had, shoes donned and the group pretty much cleared out. Sam waited on the couch for Kat to finish up in the bathroom, and Reggie waited for Colby to give him his SD card for the video.

A knock came at the door-frame of his computer room. He looked up, it was Brennen.

"Hey man, what's up?"

Brennen jerked a thumb behind him, denim jacket already on. "Yo, I'm gonna head out."

"Party?"

"Yeah."

"Alright have fun."

Brennen nodded slowly, then turned to go.

"Hey, uh…" Colby stopped him, SD in hand "Thanks for earlier. The um...the pep talk and all."

"Yeah, of course."

"No, problem bruthr, you know I gotchu." He grinned, stupid, in the garbled alien non-sense language he used with Colby.

Colby gave an honest-to-god snort and half a cackle. "Alright, bruthr, well stay safe out there, drink water, no fuckboys, eat your veggies, blah, blah, blah."

Brennen gave him a smile and a nod and headed out. Colby handed the card off the Reggie and walked him out, Sam and Kat already gone, and the apartment in a manageable state of chaos. 

He got comfortable, flopped down with a huff on the couch, lights dimmed, and fell into an amusing combination of pedialyte and TikToks. He wasn't sure if it had been five minutes or thirty when there was a knock at his door. He looked around the apartment, maybe a left-behind phone or wallet or something. He quickly debated putting on a shirt or hoodie but whoever was knocking on his door at - he looked to the clock on the microwave - 2:17 A.M.- was gonna see whatever they saw. 

He sat his phone down, groaning as he walked over to the door, and thanking himself for staying in. He was way too tired to put up with a party right now. He rubbed his eyes as he pulled the door open, cold unforgiving, florescent hallway lights thoroughly fucking him up.

"Brennen?" His voice came out as a grumble. "Wha -"

Brennen took a step toward him, wrapping a hand around the back of his Colby's and pulling. He pressed his lips to Colby's, chaste but sure. Colby tensed for a moment, but as soon as he felt the warmth of Brennen, flush against him, he softened. Melted. Brennen's grip on his neck eased, running fingers gingerly through the hair at the nape of his neck. 

Colby failed to stifle the moan of an exhale, Brennen's other hand on falling to his hip. A shudder of heat rolled down Brennen's spine as Colby unwound against him, but he kept his composure. Colby reached up tentatively, barely touching his arm, when Brennen broke off for a second. His energy retreated but his body barely moved. 

In a surge of bravery, or drunkenness, Colby twitched forward, gently grabbing Brennen's arm - damn, he really does fuck with the gym, doesn't he? - and kissing Brennen again. Just once, quickly, the way you kiss a partner good-bye. Brennen's hand slid from his neck to his face, thumb stroking his cheek twice. He huffed out a laugh, purely nasal, and took a step back, eyes closed.

"I, uh…" his voice skidded and rumbled, like he was parched. Colby pretended he didn't notice. "There you go."

Colby opened his eyes, meeting Brennen's and not daring to look away.

"Over with?"

"Yeah." Hardly more than a whisper. He cleared his throat. "Yeah."

"Thanks."

"No problem." Brennen licked his lips before he could stop himself.

"Gonna go to that party?"

"Yup."

"Cool." Colby nodded.

"Yeah."

"Well, um... I'll see you later then?" Colby attempted.

"Yeah, for sure."

"Okay."

"Okay." Brennen still hadn't moved.

"Well...have a good night?"

"Uh-huh. I'm gonna…" Brennen nodded toward to elevator behind him. 

Colby simply nodded, "Right, well...have a good night." A bit more certain this time.

They stared at each other for a moment before Brennen stuck out his right hand. Colby grabbed it, shaking his hand twice, before Brennen nodded and let go, turning on his heels and hurrying down the hall and around the corner to the alcove that the elevator was in, never slowing or looking back. 

_'What the fuck was that fuckin’ bullshit? Shaking his hand, oh my god, you fuckin’ psycho, get your shit together!'_

Colby watched him until he disappeared around the corner, mind firmly in park. Even after he heard the elevator ding. He heard the door close and the gears turn before his brain restarted and he stepped back, shutting the door and locking it.

He turned around, "Did he just shake my fucking hand?" He asked no one in particular.

He adjusted himself in his pants, harder than he realized, and decided to not think about it and just call it a night.


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brennen copes with a hangover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was written, edited, and posted on my phone so please accept my apologies for any formatting issues.

Brennen came laboriously and painfully to consciousness. His head throbbed and body ached like he’d just barely survived a nasty motorcycle accident, his mouth and throat were beyond dry, and his stomach flipped, turned, and vaulted like a spastic gymnast. “Oh my fuckin’ God,” 

He attempted to open his eyes; direct sunlight - fuck that. “Oh my fuckin’ God!” He swatted at his curtains, much to the chagrin of his headache, but managed to close them for the most part. He slithered to the side of the bed, grasping for his water bottle and took frantic gulps. The panging in his gut subsided marginally until he rolled onto his back and it returned with a vengeance. 

He let out a deathly groan, flopping back to his stomach and yanking his trash bin from next to his dresser, barely opening his mouth before the water, bile, and alcohol made its way back up. 

“Ugh, fuck.”

He laid there for a while, the spinning of the room slowing and evening with every sick until he was only dry heaving ; stable, slipping quietly back to sleep.

It was four hours later when he woke up to the sound of demonic shrieking, his bed quaking below him. He jolted to his side, scrambling around, until his wrist hit his phone, face down on his bed. He answered it before even looking.

“Hello?” If the dead truly could talk, this is what they'd sound like.

“Yo - you good man?”

“Uh, yeah, yeah. What’s up?”

“We’re gonna go out and - you sure you’re good?”

“Just hungover.”

Laughter. That was Colby’s laugh.

“Yeah, makes sense.”

Brennen groaned. “I don’t think I’m gonna be going out tonight but maybe later...or tomorrow?”

“Sure. You need anything?”

He thought for a moment, rolling to his back. His stomach sat firmly where it was, and the room sat completely still. He wiped his hand across his face, “Nah, I think I’m good. Just uh...I dunno, you wanna grab food later or something?”

“Sure.”

“Cool, I’ll text you.”

“Alright, later.”

He sagged with relief, sinking deeper into the bed. Not down for social exertion right now. A bubble of bravery roiled up in his gut, and he unlocked his screen, checking his notifications. Plenty of twitter and instagram bullshit, business and spam emails, snapchats, a missed call from Sam, and eight texts from an unsaved number.

02:47 A.M. 

[Jasmine]

03:01 A.M. 

[Where’d you go?]

04:25 A.M. 

[Can I venmo you?]  
[Nah, don’t worry about it]  
[You sure?]  
[Yeah, no worries]

07:28 A.M.

[Hey I had to dip, had work this morning. Good luck with the hangover <3]  
[Still down for tomorrow?]

What the hell was ‘tomorrow’? Dip from where? Was she here at some point? He scrubbed his face, with another groan and tossed his phone aside. May as well venture to the bathroom and attempt to feel better. He was genuinely surprised by the stability of the hardwood under his feet, and thanked his stomach for it’s newfound fortitude. His head whispered a suggestion of a hangover, much more manageable than the shrill demands of suffering and penance it had posed earlier. 

He shuffled toward the bathroom, a crinkling under his foot. He peeled the flap of trash off the sole of his foot and tossed it into the trash first, then the shirt off his back and tossing that aside as well.

_Note to toss that trash and clean out the bin._

It wasn’t until he was turning on the shower that it clicked for him what he had even just thrown away. An empty condom wrapper. 

“Oh, fuck.”

Jasmine.

He shuddered with the desperate need to get his shit together, quickly shirking the rest of his clothes, and stepped under the water. Once he had given himself a thorough rinse and cleared up some head-space he decided to back-track. Clearly he had gotten up to some fuck-boy nonsense last night. 

He had gotten dinner with his brother, headed to Sam’s to help him film for Colby, kept the games going, drank way too much White Claw, tried Tara’s weed pen - it was fine for the price, but definitely needed a new coil or something, hit a bit harsh, he remembered that. Seven minute heart-to-heart with Colby; once the tequila came out it got fuzzier. Shots, vine compilations, Jake and him making a TikTok, leaving for the party.

Getting downstairs and calling Ubers, making it five minutes down the road and making the driver pull over so he could get out - bullshit excuse about his charger. Jogging with a blank mind but a certain determination back to the apartment, the surprising lack of second-guessing in the elevator, the hope he was awake when he knocked.

The softness of Colby’s hair between his fingers, the sound of that one little moan that he wished he could play on repeat for hours on end. The warmth of his lips, the way Colby had melted against him, the comfort of Colby’s lips against his own. He wasn’t previously aware that he wanted that comfort, always seemed some distant luxury for someone else. Perhaps in another lifetime. Maybe even this one.

He felt himself begin to harden at the indulgence, as he replayed the moment his mind, gilded and supple.

Wait, what the fuck was he doing? Colby was his friend, and more importantly, he was working through some personal shit; he was trying to figure this out and here Brennen was with half a mind to jerk off about the nervous little tremble in his voice.

He couldn’t do that to him, take advantage of him just like that, and why? Because Colby was pretty and he was experienced? Fuck no, he was raised better than that.

He turned the handle to ‘C’ and finished up in the shower, deciding that he would stick to premium pornhub and private snapchats and get his shit together.

Half an hour later, he was hydrated, the bin was cleaned out, the phone was charging, and the winter sun was again dipping low toward the sea. He locked his bedroom door, an old habit, even though he lived alone, and slumped onto his bed.

He went through snapchat first but nothing really peaked his interest. Sort of, but not enough to really want to do anything about it. He closed the app and moseyed over to pornhub, logging into the shared premium account - another drunken idea so brilliant it verged on stupid.

On a very drunk night in Australia with Sam, Corey, Colby, Jay, Andrea and Elton, they sat around and lamented about the fact that simple choices had fractured into an overwhelming sea of options, all of which cost. Cable packages with a million channels had fractured into tens of streaming services. Porn had gone from a scandalous channel or two, to hundreds of sites, to tags under certain apps, twitter, reddit, tumblr - well, not tumblr anymore, Colby had lamented - and now some of them even paid. The group agreed that sites made more sense, as most were free and independent workers and incorporated companies could both upload their content for one fee. 

It was sort of like sharing a Netflix account, but in some ways, better. And so several drinks deep, Sam and Colby decided to split a premium account - they were basically married anyways, and shared a bank account, why not just add that to the monthly automatic withdrawals. Corey and Elton couldn’t stop laughing as Colby pulled out his debit card, then and there, and set up an account, one profile for himself and one for Sam. Andrea, jokingly, asked if she could join in if she paid them a few bucks a month and to her surprise, they agreed. Brennen himself joined in too, under a ‘guest’ profile.

These days, he didn’t know who used it anymore, but Brennen still did. He settled in, and debated - favorites? Could always find a tried and true video, or maybe explore around a bit and find something new? Nah, too much mental effort to sort through that.

He decided to just go to his account history and scroll back to something that got him off efficiently enough last time. Nothing hits reset on a crappy day like a good jerk-session.

He opened the account history, but didn’t actually recognize it. He scrolled through for a moment, he had only seen maybe one or two of these. He flipped back to the top, tapping the account icon.

“C.”

He was on Colby’s profile. He froze, hand already down his pants. Part of him, the majority of him, knew full and well it was a massive invasion of privacy to look at what Colby looked at when he jerked off. Even if he didn’t mean to go to Colby’s account, it was the default and he should have remembered to go to his own profile. He couldn’t just sit here and peep in on what got Colby off, what made him hard and needy. The demanding minority of him, however, couldn’t look away.

Was this what did it? Was this what set embers aglow under Colby’s skin; what caught his attention and held it until he had to address the situation? Did he bite his lip and try to stay quiet? Was it a mechanical means to scratch an itch, satisfy a physical need; or did he take his time? Did he tense, and roll, and let loose that little sound that had been echoing in Brennen’s mind anytime he wasn’t preoccupied?

Fuck, Brennen wanted to know. Wanted to hear that sound again, feel the soft hair and smooth skin under his fingers, and pull. Bite and suck and worry a trail of violet marks across that throat; the way he swallowed heavy and shuddered into Brennen’s grasp. Needed to see the look on his face when he knew he was going to fall apart, when he couldn’t resist his own unraveling. 

Would he lay there, lip bitten, face flushed, and abs tense, writhing desparately into his own grasp? What would it sound like moaned or whimpered into his ear? How tight did the pressure coil before it snapped and dissolved into heat?

Brennen came with a groan, a weighted shudder rolling down his spine as he felt the relief wash over him. As soon as he floated down to the sheets, his gut coiled into a sickened knot of guilt. 

“Fuck.”

He couldn’t do this. Couldn’t think of Colby this way - it was an invasion of privacy at the least and an outright manipulation, exploitation, and betrayal at the worst. It didn’t fucking matter if he was horny, he was literally holding all the porn in the world at his hands, with Jasmine’s number in his inbox; there was no excuse. He cursed himself, grabbing tissues to wipe himself off and sitting up, slowly.

“Pull it the fuck together, Brennen.”

He needed to check his phone, at least see if he had anything pressing to attend to. But he knew what he would see the second he opened it - that animated thumbnail; one on top of the other, grinding, locked in what looked like one hell of a make-out session, two fingers in the other’s ass, back arched and face flushed. He took a deep breath and tried to shake it off, opening his phone and closing the tab as quickly as possible before checking the time, and his texts.

05:12 P.M.

He jolted as the phone began to ring, almost dropping it. He answered it immediately.

“Yes, what? Hello?”

“Jeez, dude, you okay?”

“Colby?”

“...Yes. Brennen?”

“Yeah.”

“Dinner?”

Brennen sighed. He had agreed to dinner with Colby earlier and seeing him now was going to be a bit of a clusterfuck, but he couldn’t kiss - he couldn’t force himself on his drunk and confused friend, and then jerk off to his search history, and then bail on him. That was too much shitty behavior for one day. He nodded.

“...you there?”

Oh, yeah. Nods weren’t audible.

“Y-yeah. Yeah. Dinner. Where?” That last word came out a little dazed.

“Tender Greens - dude, what’s going on with you?” Colby sounded genuinely concerned.

“Just a hangover man, I was fucking hammered last night.”

Silence.

“...yeah.” It was so quiet, almost broken.

Brennen bristled at that tone. He needed to apologize. As soon as possible, and on the phone with a cum-wadded tissue on his bedside table, and a used condom in a trash bag in the kitchen, and his entire conscience in convulsing, coiled tangles, was not the way to do it.

“I-I’m sorry, Colby. Look, I’ll come pick you up and we’ll go - dinner’s on me. You ready in twenty?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright, I’m on my way.”

“Okay, see you then.”

“Okay, see ya.”

“Brennen?”

“Yeah, what’s up?”

“Please be safe, okay?”

A tinge of something he didn’t recognize hit Brennen’s heart. “I...I will be.” His mind’s eye flashed to the condom wrapper, but he knew that wasn’t what Colby meant.

“Okay. Twenty.”

“Twenty.”


	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brennen gets it off of his chest; Colby gets it under his skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tags are updated! I have tried so many times to make this chapter well-written but alas I am shit at formatting dialogue.

They had made small talk, and joked about random goings-on, discussed future plans, and made their way to Tender Greens. They ordered, sat, ate, and chatted some more until it was done - Colby tactfully skirting around his concern for Brennen, Brennen making an effort to be extra courteous to Colby, no dirty jokes and immature teases. 

Dinner turned to dessert, ice cream, which turned to a stop at the dispensary, where Brennen picked up a pack of pre-rolls, which landed them back at Brennen’s, puffing carefully at the joint and putting it out before it was even a quarter smoked. Brennen leaned back against the railing of the balcony while Colby sat cross-legged on the stool by the door. 

“I’m just saying, like...there’s so much out there that there’s no way there aren’t fucking aliens, man! I’m not even in the camp of, like, ‘Oh, yeah, there is a chance’, no, fuck that, there is a fucking certainty. There are aliens, and they have been to Earth, they have communicated, and influenced, and they will be back.” Colby had the determination of a mad-man, staring at Brennen with something like desperation and certainty. Brennen couldn’t help but chortle at him. This dude had fucking layers. His heart sank slowly, until it landed in his gut.

“Colby.”

“I’m not crazy, dude, think about it!”

“Colby.”

“What?”

“I’m sorry.”

Colby’s brows furrowed. He leaned back into his seat, against the wall. “Why?”

“Last night.”

“Brennen, I -”

“No, please. Colby, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have...I...You were drunk, and you opened up to me and about something sensitive, and you trusted me, and I shouldn’t have done that.” He was standing upright now, eyes on Colby’s own confused gaze.

“Hey, what? No...no, I...It’s okay, I’m not, like, upset wi-”

“Colby...please.”

Colby shook his head, “Please, what?”

“I showed up at your place shit-faced drunk and forced myself on you and I shouldn’t have done that and I apologize, okay?” Brennen was doing his best to not get emotional about this but the whole situation was pushing buttons, and pulling triggers. He just needed to get this off of his chest. “I should have just left it in the closet and left you alone to live your life and I’m sorry.”

Colby was quiet for a moment, a look of stunned confusion painted across him. “Why are you - Dude, I...I don’t understand. Do you...do you regret that?”

“Harassing you?”

“Kissing me!”

Brennen stalled. It hadn’t been long but clearly the whole night had been avoiding thinking about or acting like it hadn’t happened. Just painting white-out over that part of the night where Brennen couldn’t help himself, and Colby liked it. 

“Yes.” 

And it hit Colby like a blow to the face. Two, in fact.

The first the open-palm sting of a wake-up slap. That there wouldn't be the disappointment if there wasn't any expectation or hope or desire. That the glowing embers under his skin that heated and stoked when he was near Brennen could be passed off as admiration, or bruthrhood, or even lust but that would require lying, because right now he knew damn well what it was.

And the second swung back swiftly and without mercy, a hard-knuckled back hand to the cheek. That when he thought of kissing Brennen, he could only think 'more', and when Brennen thought of it, he apparently just wanted to take it back. It did nothing to sate the embers, no. They remained just as they were, billowing smoke and prickling heat under his skin, but for the first time, it was painful to the touch, made his throat tighten and eyes water.

He knew there would be ups and downs in exploring this part of himself, but it seemed like he could trust Brennen, that they had an unspoken friendship that wouldn’t be marred by drunken mistakes and stupid fuck-ups.

As much as he appreciated the level of vulnerability required for a heart-felt apology like this, the fact that Brennen whole-heartedly regretted kissing him - he wanted to shrink it all into a ball within himself and ignore the entire thing. The closet, the kiss, the conversation, the part where he thought he might be bi, or pan, or demi, or fucking whatever. The part where he needed to know, and he wanted Brennen to show him. 

“Oh…okay,” Colby’s voice had dropped low. 

“You deserve better than some drunk idiot just deciding in the moment to use whoever however just because they might feel some type of way.”

Colby balked. “That’s how you see it?!”

“Yes!”

“Brennen, you’re not like...abusing me. I…” He took a deep breath and steeled himself , “I liked it! It was...nice. You’re not like...you’re not hurting me. If you seriously regret it that’s okay, and I forgive you, I guess, but fuck, bro, I don’t…” He paused like he had more to that thought but the words came out faster than his brain could keep up. “I don’t.”

Brennen felt his heart soften. Here was Colby, totally fine with it, par for the course. That shouldn’t be the standard. He deserved so much better than that. Than him. Than Brennen. 

“I just think, like...okay, so like…” Brennen shifted on his feet , “The way I see it, it shouldn’t be just some drunk bullshit with some asshole that’s gonna just jump on you.”

“Yeah, but you’re not some random, drunk asshole, man! You’re you!”

Brennen snorted at that. 

“Is that funny?” Colby was started to get mad now. Not really mad the way other people got mad, but the way Colby got mad. Where he dragged the offender, kicking and screaming, to the realm of accountability.

“No...yes? I don’t know, okay?”

“Then why are you laughing?”

“Because you came to me for help, or for support, or whatever, and I took advantage of it!”

Colby threw his hands up, “Okay, well good, because I fucking couldn’t. At least you have the balls to do what you want!”

“Yeah, and you have the decency to not!”

“It isn’t decency, Brennen, it’s fucking...it’s fear.”

Brennen could only huff his acknowledgement, running his hands over his face. “I just...you should - well, not ‘should’, I shouldn’t tell you what to do with your life, obviously - it’s better to get to know someone and like, take your time with it and figure yourself out. Not just drunk, stupid, fuck-ups.”

“Okay, but to me it’s not stupid, or a fuck-up!” Colby was standing now, when did he stand up?

“Colby, I am the exact type of fuck-boy you need to avoid! I get drunk, and go fuck someone just to like...just to scratch an itch, and I move the fuck on. And you deserve someone better than that!”

Colby cackled. He actually cackled. “I lost my virginity in a fucking bathroom stall to a total stranger, Brennen! I fucked someone next to a toilet! I’m not looking for fucking roses and candles and bullshit, but thanks for assuming I need coddling. Super reassuring to know I’m so weak you regret kissing me. Feels fucking fantastic.”

“Hey, woah, that’s not - I’m not trying to coddle you, bro!”

Colby rolled his eyes. And something in his tone, and body language, the way he had his arms crossed, recoiled from Brennen, and the rapid decline of this discussion had Brennen reeling.

“I’m not, I promise.”

Colby scoffed, “So let me get this straight - you, drunk, show up at my place in the dead of night, decide to have the world’s shortest make-out session, seal it with a fucking handshake, and then trot off to some rager; and now that you’re sober, you take the entire thing back because I’m too soft to handle, what? The fact that you get drunk and kiss people?”

“The fact that I am not the one you should be doing this with, bro! I’m not good at this shit. I can’t…” He was trying not to yell, at this point , “I can’t be the person that walks you through this because I’m going to fuck up and hurt you, and you don’t deserve that.”

Colby groaned. “You know what? Fine.”

Brenne cocked his head at him.

“You sit there, and feel bad for yourself because you did what I literally asked you to do, and I’m gonna just go back to being straight or whatever. That work for you?”

“Colby, no - don’t...look, I still think you should like, keep exploring this stuff, just not with me. I don’t want to hurt you again.”

“Again? This isn’t ‘again’, Brennen. This, this right now, is the first! But the closet, and the hallway, that didn’t hurt because you’re not -”

“You don’t know that yet but -”

“You. Did. Not. Hurt. Me!” Colby was just yelling now.

Fuck the neighbours, this was LA. If two high internet bitches wanted to yell about some gay shit in the back yard, it wouldn’t be the weirdest thing to happen on that street.

“You...you…” Colby gestured wildly to Brennen then himself, “You anti-hurt me - you pleasured me!”

The tension in the air pulled as taught as it could muster for a moment before it broke, and Brennen shattered into a howling mess of laughter. Colby realized his phrasing, and was infected by Brennen’s uncontrollable giggling, slowly breaking down into a mess of laughter himself.

“That’s uh...that’s pretty fuckin’ gay, bro.” Brennen chided.

Colby snorted, “Yeah, you’d know.”

It died down with a sigh. 

“Well.” Colby clapped his hands together and nodded to the door, “I’m gonna go.”

"What?"

Colby scoffed, "Yeah, um...it's been real, and I like hanging out with you, obviously, but I think it's time for me to go."

Colby held on to some hope that Brennen would protest, and they would work it out, and hang out more, and maybe not exactly kiss again - he didn't want to make Brennen feel bad - but just be close. Instead, Brennen nodded, resigned. He didn't want Colby to leave, it would be a great night to stay up late playing video games and ignore the rest of the world, but after that absolute clusterfuck of what was supposed to be a conversation, he couldn't ask him to stay. He couldn't continue to be selfish.

"Oh, okay. I'll walk you out."


	4. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brennen cuts his losses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried... I really did. It still sucks. Sorry. Any advice or criticism well welcomed.

Brennen flopped onto his bed. He wanted to feel bad for himself, or at least regret the way that had gone but he did what he'd had to do.

At no point was it necessary to take advantage of a drunk friend in need, and he had apologized and made space for them to move past it. God, he hoped there was still a them, still a ‘moving past’. He wished he could have some right to feel bad about that, about the loss of a true friendship, but even if Colby didn't talk to him again, it would still be his fault.

So he just prayed that at some point they could sit around and watch videos or go for a hike or take each other's pictures; but even if it did dissolve down to awkward small-talk and avoided eye-contact, at least they'd still be in touch, right?

He let out a huff and rolled over, turning on his TV and casting The Office from his phone. He scrolled through Instagram and Reddit and told Netflix on several occasions that yes, he was, in fact, still watching The Office. He had a solid lull going, enough to take the edge off of the grimy feeling in his gut, and slipping into sleep, when his phone chirped to life.

Jasmine.  
[Hey, you still down for a movie? There's a showing in an hour.]

He scrubbed his face and pushed himself to sit upright. Fuck. Did he want to do this? He was kind of in an outright shitty mood for making new friends, but then again he might be losing an old friend. Eh, a little escapism never hurt anyone, and he already knew she would definitely be down to drink and probably down to fuck if it came to that. He sort of hoped it did. 

_"Best way to get over someone is to get under someone else." He'd told Jake, who'd been recently dumped, scrolling through old texts at the kitchen island._

_"Brennen, that's disgusting." His mom piped up from the fridge._

_He balked. "It's just a saying!"_

_Jake grumbled something unintelligible and searched for a Drake song to appropriately suit his melancholy. Perhaps Post Malone would be better._

_"That is so demeaning, Brennen. You can't use people like that, it's just...ugh, wash your dishes." She shut the fridge of scuttled off to her own room, tutting under her breath.  
_

[Yeah, I can pick you up. Drop the addy.]

[??]

[The address. I'll shower and come get you.]

[Oh, okay. LA slang?]

[Yeah, sorry. We low key have our own language sometimes.]

[You mean Spanish?]

[No, just a lot of slang. I'm gonna get ready, I'll see you in a bit.]

He remembered she said she was from out of state but lived somewhere in the San Fernando Valley, so at least it wouldn't be a journey to pick her up. He tossed his phone aside and returned to the bathroom.

An hour later she was in his passenger seat, quoting word for word the song on the radio with him, and shining like the sun itself. Whatever hangover had befallen him had eased up significantly and clearly spared her altogether.

"Dude, you were," she giggled, it sounded like bubbles popping ,"you were so wasted last night, how was that hangover?"

"Absolutely wrecked me. Doing much better now." He shot her a grin, and turned left. "How are you fine? You weren't exactly sober yourself."

"Pasta and pedialyte. Works like magic."

He nearly shuddered at the thought of pasta. Keto was killing him. "Fuck, pasta sounds amazing."

"You wanna get some? I'm sure there's somewhere that at least has like mac 'n' cheese." She peeked out the window as they passed a grocery store.

"Nah, can't."

"Gluten allergy?" It came out like a joke.

"No, uh...keto. Trying to stay fit." 

She nodded and poked at his side, "Well you're doing fine as far as I can tell."

They pulled into the theater and he opened her door for her. When they'd gotten their tickets she opened the door for him. They split popcorn - no butter - and went back to his place. No fooling around, but ended up both crashing on the couch. They talked through the previous night, apparently the condom was from a brag that Brennen could make a balloon-animal Kobe using a condom. He could not.

They spent half of the next day together, and then again two days after that. Any sort of 'playing it cool' fell aside swiftly. She beamed, and chirped, and held her own, and it made him feel good about himself being around her. Like the parts of him that lacked deep or jutted out wrong could be smoothed so easily at their edges - he knew who he was around her, and it was easy to fit just right. 

She spent a few nights a week there, and when her roommates were out, he spent the night at hers. They tried a few club outtings together but mostly found they preferred hikes and movies and escape rooms. House parties were still on the table though.

She'd talked him into attempting acro-yoga, even made a video out of it. It did pretty well on views, the comment section could not shut up about how cute they were together, save a few #brobly stans and one freak that wanted to see him with Jake. Comment swiftly deleted. 

"What's a brobly?" Jaz asked, leaning against his chest while he tapped away at Twitter, her own phone in her hands.

"Hmm?"

"What's brobly?". She looked up at him. Fuck, those big, brown, doe eyes melted his heart. 

"Oh, uh, you know Colby?"

"Of him, never met him."

Brennen nodded. Oh, right. He'd never introduced them. They'd never actually been in a room together. The thought of it put a knot in his throat. "We used to do a lot of videos together, and some of the fans thought we were like, secretly dating."

She gave a curious hum. "Is he like, gay, or something?"

_Or something._

"Uh...no. Just fan stuff, it happens. It was our ship name."

She laughed, "OTP?"

He nodded, "Oh, yeah. Fanfics and everything."

She snorted, and returned to her phone, lazilly petting Kobe with her other hand.

He decided to open Snapchat. Just to check. It really had been a while since he'd hung out with Colby, and not for lack of want. It just wasn't his place to force himself into Colby's life and to be completely honest, he was happy with Jasmine. Life felt a lot simpler with her, despite the madness of it all.

He scrolled back a while, and then half a while more.

Colby - 6w.

Six weeks. A month and a half without a text, or call, or hang out, or anything. They'd been busy before, gone on trips and had tours and life to live and shit to do, so six weeks without a Snapchat wasn't unheard of. But six weeks no contact? It hurt a little. It brushed the dust off of the dent left in Brennen's chest at the impact of his own selfishness.

Jasmine got up to use the bathroom, and Brennen took the opportunity to snap a picture of Kobe, one leg up, licking his own butt-hole on the couch.  
 ~~'He misses you.'~~ Way too obvious.  
 ~~'I wanna lick your butthole.'~~ Calm down, Brennen.  
 ~~'My man's out here eating ass.'~~ Dude, enough with the butt stuff.

'Kobe says hi.'

He pressed send.


	5. Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Colby texts back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this in an hour on my phone. I have the chapter after this already written so I may do two a day until it's all done.
> 
> Also if anyone has prompts or something please drop them in the comments, I want to do some short fics or one-shots just for practice.

Brennen's phone chimed back almost immediately. He tapped. A picture of Colby with a shimmer and heart filter, eyes cartoonishly large, lips soft and pink, cheeks blushed. The sparkles twinkled.

'My boy!', he had drawn hearts all around it.

Brennen forced himself not to screenshot the visage, but snapped another of Kobe, now scooting across the couch. 'He'd love to see you.'  
He only regretted the lack of subtlety once it was sent.

A chat from Colby: 'Yo! I'm actually free tomorrow afternoon if you and Kobe are.'

Colby beamed hopefully at his screen, adorned with the goodest boy in all of Los Angeles. He wanted to give pets and scritches and rubs, but unfortunately this could not be done through a phone. He lamented the fact.

'Yeah, is 4 okay? Dog park on Victory?'

Colby thought through his tomorrow - morning meeting but nothing for the rest of the day. A rare fill day off for him. He felt something sparkling bubble high in his chest at the thought of running around with Brennen and Kobe.

'I'll be there!'

Brennen had to school his face to keep the massive grin down to an amused smirk when Jasmine sat back down next to him.

 ~~' Can't wait.'~~ Wow, be more desparate.  
 ~~'Looking forward to it.'~~ This isn't a business meeting, if you shake his hand again, so help me God.  
'Cool'

Tomorrow rolled around and Colby found himself agitated, bouncing his leg and picking him nails through the meeting, again in his living-room trying to pass the time, and once again when waiting to turn into the dog park.

He had triple checked he'd gotten the right one and even left early to get a treat for Kobe from the pet store nearby. Definitely for the treat, not at all because he couldn't sit still. He sat up on top of a picnic table in the shade, and scanned the park for Kobe or Brennen.

His heart jumped and he quieted it roughly as he saw him - he was facing away but had the same denim jacket, black jeans, and chocolate hair. Colby hopped off the table and trotted towards him. 

"Yo!" He called out.

He spun around, throwing Colby a startled look. But he wasn't a he at all. The lady in denim was cradling a cat with a harness on, and gave Colby an expectant look.

He stopped in his tracks, "O-oh, sorry, I thought you were someone else."

She nodded, turning back and dumping her cat to the ground. It meowed at her.

Colby returned to the bench.

4:07  
[Hey, just mistook a cat-lady for you lol]

4:10  
[ETA?]

He was in no place to ask, as he himself was late to basically everything. He pushed around on his phone a while, as the world slowly passed by.

He wondered what Brennen had been up to, how Jasmine was doing. How they'd met and gotten together. If they were happy. If he was.

He wanted to show Brennen the screenshots of the absolute failures of interactions on a few dating apps. He hadn't expected so many dick pics. Some, sure, but not this many.

He wanted to tell Brennen about his night out at a club. About how he'd pinned Colby against the wall of the hotel room by the hips, about how heated and wet the kiss was, like he'd have to wipe his mouth after. How clumsy his footing and how he had no idea what to do with his hands. How as he dropped to his knees and began to unzip him, spewing strings of erotic invective, Colby had stopped him. Placed a hand on his shoulder and told the ginger with shimmering jade eyes that he just couldn't do it. That he wasn't ready yet.

How the breathe he hadn't realized he'd been holding burst out of him when the ginger stood up and kissed his cheek.

"That's alright, baby. You new to this?"

Coldy had nodded.

"Take your time. You want some water? Or coke?" He'd gestured to the bedside table. There was a bottle of aquafina and a baggie of white powder. Colby simply laughed and politely declined.

4:32  
He dialed.  
'...'  
'...'  
'...'  
'Hey, you've reached Bre-'. He hung up.

He laid back on the bench and stared up at the shapes that the leaves made in the trees, always favorable in the absence of clouds. Was he late? Maybe he was just being nice and didn't actually want to come. Or maybe he just forgot.

Somehow the idea of that hurt him so much worse than the former. That he was so invested in his regret of his ten seconds of intimacy with Colby that he would force the whole idea of him away. It stung. 

It wasn't probably though, right? They had spoken, or snapped, the day before. And Brennen may forget but Kobe has to go out at some point. So what's going on, then? Even if his phone was dead and his car too, it was…

4:41

And he could've walked here from Brennen's by now. He hoped nothing serious happened. Maybe he was just tired and fell asleep on the couch, like Colby was avoiding dozing off now.

He wanted Brennen to know he would be fine exploring this without him. If he could convince Brennen, then he could convince himself. And maybe if he couldn't, he could at least...not 'make him jealous', he wasn't that petty, but...but maybe he could convince Brennen that he was the kind of person worth being jealous over. That he wasn't this soft lump of nothing that needed coddling and direction every step of the way. That he'd kissed him first.

So there was nothing to regret. They could just catch up and maybe grab dinner and then go their own way for a while. That being around him in general didn't have to be a bad thing, he could make it good. He could be good for Brennen. God, he wanted to be so good for him.

He let his mind drift for, he wasn't sure how long. He eventually sat up with a groan, giving Brennen another ring.

'...'  
'...'  
'...'  
'-'

The line dropped. 'Call ended.'  
5:41

Colby gaped at the screen for a second, hurt. Brennen had...he had hung up on him. Ignored his call. So he was awake, and he did have his phone, and he knew Colby was waiting for him, and he just...didn't want to. Colby remembered how guilty, how filthy and disgusted Brennen looked with himself, beladen with remorse after their kiss. Was he that bad? That regrettable? That he couldn't muster it to shoot the shit while Kobe shot his?

It was just past six when he gave up.


	6. Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Colby gets some of what he wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Consider this a content warning for homophobic language, internalized homophobia, violation of privacy, and verbal abuse.
> 
> Two chapters in one day!

The lights were dim and an uncharacteristic deluge softened the air around Colby’s apartment. He rolled onto his side, scrolling absentmindedly between TikTok and DoorDash, a taco bowl on its way. He’d been wrapped up in his comforter for hours, savoring a rare day to indulge in some low energy, mindless decompression between shoots, and meetings, and events. The holidays were long over and he'd rolled himself into the muddie mid-winter.

5:47 p.m.

He had a few hours before he had to pack for the trip - the whole gang was heading up to the mountains for a few days in a cabin before everyone went back to their respective hustles, and the last.of the snow melted. Food should be here soon; eat, shower, shave (lol), pack, clean, and return to potato mode. He had the whole plan timed to the minute to collect as much spare time and possible to lounge about, relishing in luscious, introverted bubble before he had to be ‘on’ again tomorrow morning.

He was halfway through changing to DoorDash to check on his food delivery when a call speared through the silence. Colby winced at the shrill beeping, swiping up before he even registered the caller ID. “Hey” he grumbled, clearing his throat after hearing his own voice. He realized he hadn’t spoken out loud yet that day. “H-hello?”

“Yo!”

He recognized that voice. “Brennen?”

A chuckle, “The one and only. You free?”

Colby sat up with a grunt, rubbing his face. It had been at least a month since Brennen had ghosted him and now he wanted to pipe up like nothing had happened at all? I mean the sentiment was nice, but god damn, social interaction was a lot right now. “Uh...yeah. Why?”

“To hang out…?” He could hear the effort under Brennen’s tone to sound casual, light, smooth. As if Colby was silly for even asking.

“Yeah, it’s been a minute, man. Come through.” Colby conceded. As exhausted as he was, and comfortable sunk into a soft and heedless bliss, he had missed his friend even more. 

Within fifteen minutes, he had a taco bowl and drink on his counter, and Brennen at his door. He heaved himself up, hoodie drawn up over his head, curtain drawn and lights off, and opened the door. And there stood Brennen with the same effortless smirk on his lips and glimmer of mischief in his eye. He forced himself not to think about the wriggling heat in his belly, the last time they stood there like this.

He never would have expected it but Colby felt the sublimation of relief lighten him. The smile that spread across his lips came on easy. “It’s good to see you, man.”.  
He pulled the door open wider and dragged Brennen into a hug, close but brief.

"Yeah it’s been a while. I’m uh…” Brennen let go, looking away for a moment. “I’m sorry about...all that.”. 

Colby nodded, “Nah, no worries, man. It’s just uh...it’s good to see you.” He took a deep breath and stepped aside, letting Brennen into the apartment. And almost seamlessly they slithered back into a default of good talk and better company on Colby’s couch. Brennen could almost cry, knowing that there was a ‘moving past’ and they’d made it there.

“Brennen?”

He nearly shook himself out of the daze he hadn’t realized had nearly swallowed him. He took a sharp breath, scrubbing his hands over his face. “Sorry, what?”

“I asked if you were down to come up to the cabin with us -" Colby sat his phone down, screen-side down " dude, are you okay?" He turned a little, to face Brennen more. “You’ve been kinda...off”.

Brennen averted his gaze, staring at Colby’s hand on his phone like it was the most fascinating thing he’d seen all year. “Yeah.” He could feel Colby’s disbelief. “No.” He confessed softly. Barely loud enough for Colby to hear. He turned a fraction of smidge closer to Brennen and put his phone on the coffee table. 

“What’s up?”

“I just...I feel bad that I basically ghosted you for three months, man.”

“That’s it? Because life happens, bro, I’m not like, mad about it. I’m just glad you’re like, back in my life, ya know?”

Brennen left out a soft chuckle, shaking his head. “Right.”

“...and?”

“And, what?”

Colby rolled his eyes, “That’s not it, so what else?”

Brennen closed his eyes and nodded slowly, shifting in his seat. He knew he knew Colby and it only followed that Colby knew him too, when he was nervous, when he was lying, or playing nice. “I…”

Colby leaned in, resting his head on his hand with his elbow propped up on the back of the couch. He had a feeling this would take a while. 

“...I...I don’t even know where to start.” Brennen finally confessed.

“You wanna start with...her?” Colby’s voice was much softer than usual, like he didn’t want to rattle him. He hated feeling delicate, vulnerable. He wanted to be bitter, to snark back and press on to mindless conversation about cute instagram girls and dank memes. But he needed to get this off his chest before it crushed him. 

“She...we broke up.”

Colby nodded.

“I...she didn’t…”, _She didn’t want me anymore, not once she really got to know me, know certain things about me. She didn’t want to work through things, or deal with any inconveniences and half of me feels like I fucked everything up, and I want to call her or text her or just go see her and do whatever I need to to get her back because it was so easy to know exactly who I had to be with her, but that person was never really me, and the other half of me is just fucking pissed because the second I knew it was over I just wanted to come talk to you because you’re my best fucking friend, bro. I wanted to talk to you the whole time and I feel like it wouldn’t have gotten so bad if I had been talking to you the whole time, but I just couldn’t do both. And I made the wrong choices but I don’t even know which choices were wrong, I only know that I absolutely fucked up and I’m just stupid I’m so fucking stupid, and I’m sorry, and you deserve a better friend, and I can’t fucking deal with myself by myself anymore, dude._

“Brennen?”

Brennen blinked back the burning in his eyes, and cleared the knot in his throat. “It just didn’t work out. She wasn’t into me anymore.”

Colby gave a slow nod and placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. Brennen swiftly shoved down the urge to lean into it. _‘Just touch starved’_ he told the whine in his gut. _What kind of relationship leaves you touch starved?_

“I’m sorry, man” Colby offered. “You’re a great guy, if she can’t see that she’s…” He tapered off quickly as Brennen shot him a look, somewhere between defensive and desperate, “...honestly she kinda...I dunno, I didn’t get to like, know her, but the - the -” He took a second to collect himself, tread lightly , “The timing, and the ghosting - I’m not mad at you or anything, like obviously you’re here and I’m stoked - I just think you could do, like, better . Plenty of fish in the sea, bro.”

Brennen managed a grin and nodded. “Thank you. Seriously”

“Of course.” Colby clapped and smoothed his hands together, scheming. “Now...I gotta pack and get ready for this trip real quick, but you wanna have a drink and make it a game or something?”

Brennen perked up, “Hell yeah, bro. What you got?”

Colby stood up and made his way to the kitchen, Brennen’s eyes following his frame. He had nice shoulders to lean on. Everything about him made him such a good friend and with that, the tendriled tangle of guilt in his gut began to writhe in him again, just enough for him to notice. He knew he should ask Colby what he'd been up to, how the last three, nearly four months of radio silence had been for him. But he seemed just fine without Brennen around and honestly, he couldn't handle confirmation of that right now - that he was right all along and Colby was better off without him. He wanted to be wrong so badly it almost justified the guilt.

“Uhh, I got Jack and coke, if you want. I dunno if you’re still doing keto or not.”

“Nah, Jack and coke is cool with me.”

Colby shot him a knowing smile, and found two cups. He loved chillin’ Brennen, he was motivated by workout Brennen, and was always encouraged by emotional-support Brennen, but there was nothing more entertaining that recklessly drunk Brennen, and he had missed that. Even if recklessly drunk Brennen fucked up sometimes. Recklessly drunk Brennen was the exact same as normal Brennen but without the fronts - he didn't need to be pretty, or popular, or admired. He was just the same compassionate, spontaneous, comedic guy, turned up to ten. He poured them heavy, and handed Brennen his cup. He put his up for a cheers and smiled, “To your freedom.” He tried.

Brennen laughed, a real laugh. 

“What?”

“Yeah, that’s just one way of saying ‘single as fuck’”

Colby gave him a less-than-amused glare. “I tried, man.”

“I mean, ‘freedom’” He cheersed Colby’s cup before bringing his own to his lips. “You’d know.”

He watched his friend take a slow drink from the cup, holding his gaze as he could. Something in him begged him to look elsewhere, his lips, his throat, his hands. But he wasn’t ready to quit the snarky, quipping game they’d begun. 

Colby swallowed. “Fuck you, bro.”

“Yeah, you’d like to, wouldn’t you?”

“Alright, I’m gonna shower real quick, if you help me clean up, we’ll have time to chill some more before…” he let out a long exhale “...going out and doing shit!”

“Help you clean up?” Brenned tossed him a quizzical look, Colby's attempt at extroversion going straight over his head. He smirked, taking another swig of his drink. Man, Colby poured ‘em _heavy._

“...Yeah?”

“Like wash your back of something?”

“N-no!” Colby’s body may not have taken a step back but his tone did, blushing bright. “Clean up like the living room, bro, what?”

“Ohhh, oh, okay, yeah. Gotchu, homie!”

Colby cocked his head a little, a bemused smirk starting to form “Are you already drunk, man?”

“No, bro, it’s just been a while.” Brennen waved him off, already picking up around the couch, “I can clean up, you go...clean up.”

Colby gave him a suspicious nod, and downed the rest of his cup, suppressing a cough and leaving for the bathroom. He really had to pour these a little lighter, even for his taste it was kind of a lot.

Brennen felt himself both relax and tense at the sound of the shower head spurting on. Try as he might to focus solely on the task of tossing out empty water bottles and tidying up stray belongings, they didn’t quite appeal to him the way his amberring curiosity did. He honestly wondered what conditioner Colby used, his hair looked so healthy, despite the dyeing and blow drying - hardly a split end on him. It struck him somewhere near envy but not quite. 

He found himself drifting from there. Had he still been going to the gym during their little...hiatus, he supposed he could call it? He looked fit still, but under a hoodie he couldn’t really tell. It was always hot or cold with that guy, either a bulky hoodie, hood up and cinched, sweat pants, socks, all frumpy and comfy; or a loose cut tank, skinny jeans, and sneakers, and rings, all style and finesse. What would he look like now, in the latter? Were his arms still just as strong, his chest still just as inviting? Were his hands warm? His lips? What would his throat feel like under his own lips?

_‘What the fuck, Brennen?!’_

_She was fucking livid. He was sitting on the couch in his living room, attempting to nap, when she tossed - rather, chucked full force, overhand - his phone at him. Kobe whined and skittered off to another room. He jerked up, out of his lax position. As lax as he could be around her these days._

_‘What?! What did I do?’_

_She stood across from the coffee table, sat into one hip, eyes wild, one hand fisted. ‘What. The. Fuck. Is. That?’ she pointed to his phone like it had insulted her mother, screen still on. He picked it up tentatively, jarred by the image on his screen. A thumbnail from PornHub. Oh, god, had his nudes leaked? Was there a secret tape somewhere? He could about die. He scrolled for a moment, his eyes flitting up to her, as she shot his daggers. The bar at the top of the screen read ‘History’._

_‘You went through my phone?’_

_‘That’s not the fucking point, Brennen, oh my god!’_

_‘How did you even unlock it!?’ He was sitting fully upright now, his ankles crossed, unease brewing in his chest._

_‘Is this why it was locked? You got somethin’ to fuckin’ tell me?’ She took a step back and opened her arms. ‘I’m waiting.’_

_‘Tell you what? How did you - what is going on?’_

_‘Don’t play fucking dumb with me, Brennen!’ It came out somewhere between a demand and a plea._

_‘I don’t understand why you’re -’_

_‘’I don’t understand’’ she mocked ‘You fuckin’ cheated on me, you are absolutely disguting, you know that?’_

_Brennen balked. He looked to the screen and then back to her, ‘What the fuck are you talking about? No, I didn’t! What does this have to do - what is going on?’_

_She sucked her teeth, ‘You’re not cheating on me, but you’re getting your dick wet to other bitches? Makes perfect fucking sense.’_

_He shook his head ‘This is - what? No - this is just porn, baby, why -’_

_With less hesitation than a slap and the sting, she hurled her own phone at him, ‘Don’t you fucking ‘baby’ me!’ He dodged silently, unable to even protest ‘You are fucking sick, you know that?’. He turned to the dent in the wall, the simmer of unease shimmering into anxious confusion._

_‘So I’m not enough for you?’ The strain in her tone of voice drew his gaze back to her. She had every feature of a woman about to break apart, except for the tears. There was only heat in her eyes, neither glassy nor red. ‘I’m not enough for you so you’re...you’re doing this shit?’_

_‘Doing what shit? Baby, no, I -’_

_‘Do NOT fucking BABY ME!!’ A shoe this time narrowly missed him, and then the other. He hopped to his feet quickly, putting his hands up in surrender, one holding the phone for her to see._

_‘I didn’t cheat on you, this is just - neither of these people are me, trust me, I would never -’_

_‘Trust you?’ She cackled. ‘Fucking trust you? Oh, no, Brennen, I can’t trust you because you’re a lying fuckin’ cheater!’ She stepped toward him, he stumbled back._

_‘Jasmine, please, look at the fucking phone, neither of these people are me! They aren’t even hispanic, look, please!’ He offered her the phone, and she snatched it, quickly swiping to the next panel and shoving it back in his face._

_‘Then what THE FUCK IS THAT?!’ He winced, eyes searching the screen. It was a screenshot. She had screenshots of his browser history on the cloud._

_‘I....is that a fucking screenshot? Have you lost your damn mind?!’ It was one thing to just see what was on his screen while he was on his phone, another to break into and search his phone, but to screenshot and backup his entire browser history? How was he going to ever get this back to neutral? To something livable?_

_He felt a sickening wave of stale karma spill I've his head down his spine, chilling his fingers and toes and tickling down his limbs as it sunk into his bones; the sweat on his brow cold._

_‘Don’t you DARE talk to me like I’M the fucking sick one, Brennen!’ She stormed at him and he retreated, dropping the phone. She stopped her charge to pick it up and turned it to him. ‘What is that? Tell me what the fuck you see!’_

_‘P-porn, okay. I looked at it, I’m sorry, baby, I didn’t -’_

_‘What kind, Brennen. What exactly do you see?’_

_‘Two guys and a girl, I’m sorry, I know how it loo-’ Yeah this looked bad. He’d brought it up before as a half-joke, having a threesome, and she shut it down with the swiftness of a coursing river._

_She swiped again… ‘...and…?’_

_‘Two guys...and a girl...but I promise you-,’ Threesomes were cheating, open relationships were cheating, casual flirting, talking, instagrams likes were all little symptoms of infidelity and distrust, ‘I fucking promise you I wouldn’t ever -’_

_She swiped again… ‘...and?!’_

_And he hated the idea that anyone he cared for wouldn’t be able to trust him, would think his disloyal. His family was left behind by an untrustworthy cheater and the comparison made his nauseous._

_He looked to the screen._

_Brennen’s sprinting heart stopped in its tracks. The searing heat in his throat dropped frigid and spiney into his gut. He muttered quietly his answer under his breath._

_‘I can’t hear you. What the fuck is this filth?’_

_‘I-I can explain, please, it’s not like that, please. Just listen -’ His cheek already stung, everything was muffled and echoing, legs shaking, his stomach in knots._

_Her expression was one of twisted malice and contempt, disgust wrought around her lips. She threw the phone at him again, this time he caught it against his chest, but dropped it like it had scalded him._

_‘I swear to god, Brennen, tell me right now What The FUCK THAT IS!’  
‘...It’s two guys.’ He couldn’t meet her gaze, or look at the screen, cracked on the floor. He hadn’t felt like this in years, like a little kid in for trouble, looking down the barrel of a belt, or buckle, or blade, or backhand._

_‘You are fucking sick, Brennen. Disgusting.’ He choked down a sob - where the fuck did that come from? She turned on her heels, heading to the door and snatching her own phone on the way. Just one more person walking away once they saw that part of him._

_‘Jasmine, please -’ barely more than a whisper._

_‘Oh, man the fuck up, Brennen!’ She snapped back around to glare at him. ‘I could’ve helped you with this, but no, you want to sit there and cry because you got caught being a shady, nasty, little bitch!’_

_He couldn’t move, couldn’t say anything, he was frozen in place with his fists balled and eyes on the floor, a million words of confession, apology, and defense balled up in his chest, suffocating him; so he just stood there like a rebuked child. He hadn’t realized he was crying until he heard a drop hit the floor._

_‘Nothing to say for yourself. Nothing to be said. Once a-fucking-gain, you get caught up in your own pussy ass bullshit and all you can do is feel fucking sorry for yourself and make fucking excuses. Keep fucking around like that and wonder why you can’t keep a real woman, Brennen. Real women like real men, not that faggot shit!’ She opened the door, sliding her shoes on and muttering to herself, keys already in hand. ‘Fucking pussy’ she spat, poison, before slamming it behind herself._

_It was the first panic attack he’d had in years._

“You good, man?”

Brennen was gripping the glass nearly hard enough to crack it, overflowing under the faucet as he loaded the dishwasher, frozen in place. 

Colby stood behind him, one hand on his shoulder. He had changed - muscle tee, black jeans. Brennen nodded quickly, putting the cup into the washer. “Uh...yeah. Yeah, just distracted.”

“You want another drink?”

“Yes, please!”

“You sure you’re good?”

“Yeah, just uh...just still trying to get over her is all. It was a...rough breakup.”

Colby nodded, pouring them another round, lighter this time. “Well I’m here for you, if you wanna, like...talk about it or something. You don’t have to if you don’t want to, though.”

Brennen grunted his understanding. He felt fucking awful, wishing Colby had hurt without him. But he'd hurt without Colby so he'd sit there, and bear it, and try to patch things up, as karma dictated.

“You wanna, like, make this a pre-game, maybe go out? Best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.”

Brennen cracked a grin at that, “Uh...yeah, actually. Let’s...let’s go out.” He turned to give Colby a smile, taking the drink from his hand and sipping, never breaking his gaze.


	7. Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group goes on vacation, Brennen clears his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay!
> 
> This is sort of a transition chapter but as I finish up the next few I'll be able to really get on to the meat of the plot. It's been a very busy and disorganized weekend, thanks for sticking in with me.
> 
> Also thank you SO MUCH for the comments, they fuel me. I have a WIP I'm kinda throwing on the back burner but if anyone would like to see Brolby shameless smut, lmk!
> 
> Update: Ask and ye shall receive! Smut has been posted, check out my work 'Choices.' I will always take and work on prompts so if anyone has any ideas, please post 'em!

Colby called Sam, who called Corey, who made adjustments. Brennen called a Postmates who arrived just on time with pedialyte and frozen mac 'n' cheese. Fuck the diet, it was nearly Christmas and he would be breaking it anyways, may as well break it now while the hangover was threatening to do the same with his skull. His stomach was low, as was his tolerance for loud noise, but his spirits were high. As much as he missed Jasmine, he felt he could take a full breath now, could feel the long-held microtention seep out of his muscles and into the couch below him.

He would be stopping at his house on the way to Kat's and going on the trip with them. The group unanimously welcomed his addition. 

The ride was smooth, by the time they made it up to the winding mountain roads, Brennen was asleep in the back, only waking once fully recovered and jolted to a halt.

It was gorgeous, the cabin in front of them. Honestly, more of a chalet. Three stories, A-frame, sort of modern but all warm tones, none of the clinical, angular sterility of the modern homes down the mountain. The structure was dusted with snow all around. When was the last time he'd been in snow? Seen it in person? It'd been years. 

Tara nearly teleported out of the car pulled up in front of them, doubling over to shove her hands into the snow and miss it around. 

"Oh my god, it's freezing!"

Kat laughed, "Yeah, it's snow."

She lifted a handful and turned, chucking it. It landed with a soft slap in Jake's face. She shook the excess off her hands, "It's wet."

"Yeah, no shit, it's water." Reggie groaned. He hefted his bags up as well as one of Cassie's and headed toward the front door.

The group slowly trickled into the house, a few remaining outside to play around in the snow. Sam and Colby stood on the front deck and watched Brennen, Tara, and Corey borderline frolick with wonder through the yard. 

"They're gonna be freezing in like," he looked to the watch he wasn't wearing "two minutes."

"Yup." Colby chuckled.

Brennen and Corey made quick work of rolling the snow into balls, making a snow-man. Colby was honestly surprised at how efficiently they'd done it, considering they grew up nowhere near snow. Corey grabbed a twig from the ground, ripping it out and donning it between his legs, shaking it about like a flaccid penis, he was musing something inaudible from the deck. Brennen quickly dropped to his knees and pretended to lick it, before standing and dusting the wetness from his shins and knees.

Corey stuck the twig into the lower belly of the snow-man, to the amusement of Brennen, who began to roll up two smaller balls. Tara waited in deep consideration, watching carefully as they completed the anatomy of the figure. As soon as it was done they all stood back to admire it.

"Bunch of fuckin' idiots." Sam breathed, shaking his head with a laugh.

"It's adorable! It's like, their first time in snow." Colby reasoned. Not Corey's, but definitely Tara's and maybe Brennen's. 

"The fuck?!" Corey shouted.

The figure was crumpled. Tara had swiftly put a combat boots through it and was ambling jovially up to the cabin, duffel bag over her shoulder.

They all found their rooms, had time to settle a bit, and decided to light the fireplace and make some food, maybe throw on a movie and unwind for a bit. The next day would be full of skiing, snowboarding, sledding, drinking, partying and being merry. Tonight was for chillin' the hell out.

Kevin and Cassie got to swift work figuring out the oven - pre-made lasagna for dinner - while Sam and Jake scoured the place for the wine-cellar mentioned on the advertisement.

Colby, Corey, Reggie, Kat, and Aryia lulled about in the rec room, just off of the dining area. There was a massive, almost theater style screen, plenty of seating, a billiards table, a mini-bar (empty, of course), and sound system. The wall across from the door had floor-to-ceiling windows and a glass door opening to the deck. Out a little further was a jacuzzi, set into the deck's floor, by the railing. The view was of the lake, frozen at the edges, and across it, other cabins, smoke billowing from the chimneys as dusk set in upon them. 

It was fucking fantastic and the group had basically agreed they'd be spending any time not on the slopes in this room.

In one of the bathrooms, Brennen was deeply invested in a thorough examination of _all_ of the functions of the bidet. It was magnificent. Upstairs, Jake had discovered the same in his and Tara's bathroom and was doing the same, as Tara debated which bath bomb to soak in. Jake announced that he'd never tried one before and would very much like to. 

It was set to be a nice night in.

An hour later, lasagna was prepped, drinks poured, they agreed on Big Mouth instead of a movie, Sam's collection of games piled on the table in the rec room, Brennen squeaky clean, Jake mildly dusted in glitter and smelling of bubblegum, the whole group filed into the dining room. Kevin stood at the far end, with Cassie. Both wore aprons with 'Daddy' printed across the front, much to a snort from Kat and Reggie.

"Ohhhhhh, Daddy!" Aryia moaned, as pornographically as possible.

"Yeah, Daddy's got lasagna for you nasty fucks, come grab a plate!" Kevin instructed. 

Dinner, dessert, drinks, and jokes went around the table until everyone had had their fill, all phones in a bowl in the other room. They decided to address the mess in the morning, much to the chagrin of Sam. His disapproval was quickly countered by Katrina's suggestion that they hit the hot tub and put on a movie.

Within minutes, bubbles and opening credits were rolling, everyone tucked into their niche for the night. Colby and Corey against Kevin and Aryia on billiards; Jake, Reggie, Cassie, Tara, Sam, and Kat in the hot tub - a bit cramped but oh well - and Brennen, Mike and Devyn half-dozing, half-following whatever Marvel movie they'd settled on. It was rare that the group could so swiftly synchronize. Even planning and funding this trip took weeks. Kevin and Aryia won pool and Corey and Colby retired to the couch.

Colby awoke to someone attempting to break into his room. Wait, when had he even gotten to his room? He sat up with a jolt and looked to the door. The thudding against the wall continued to rattle his door-knob, almost rhythmically.

It wasn't until he heard a sharp slap and low groan that he fully remembered that his room had a connecting wall to Sam and Kat's suite. With his own groan, he shuffled out of bed, humming to himself to drown out what was almost certainly doggy-style. He hated that he could tell.

He dug around in his bag for a moment before dumping it out and going through items one-by-one. Ear buds, where were the ear buds? Not here, apparently.

With a sigh of exasperation, he snatched up his phone and vape. If they could have fun, he could too. Maybe the hot tub would be a good place to wait it out. God, he hoped this was a drunken one-off and not an all night thing. He grabbed his speaker and made his way down to the rec room.

He could hear the muffled cackling of Sponge Bob from one room he passed, loud snoring from another, the light on under the door from a third. Kevin, Cassie, and Devyn were slumped out hard on the couch, Kevin's head in Devyn's lap, Cassie in a position that couldn't fathomably to comfortable off to the side.

He stepped lightly across the room, cracking the door slowly and stepping out. It was so still, and crisp and serene. Like the entire world was wrapped under a blanket and in a comfortable bubble.

"Yo."

He jumped, a hand to his heart, "Holy shit, you scared me."

Brennen just laughed at him, leaning against the rail and looking out onto the lake.

"Couldn't sleep?"

Colby made his way next to him, sitting with his back to the rail. "Nah. Thought I'd get in the jacuzzi."

Brennen snorted "And sit in a tea-cup on everyone's sweat and dead skin?"

He couldn't help but cringe when it was stated that way. "Ugh... nevermind...Sam and Kat are on Queen Mary round two and I can't uh...sleep through it."

Brennen looked down at him, surprised. He knew Colby was a deep sleeper, so to wake him took some...effort.

Colby shook his head "The connecting wall uh...bangs. No pun intended."

"Pun very well received."

"What's got you up?"

Brennen mulled it over for a second then turned to sit next to Colby, legs out on front of him and back on the rail. He scooted over the near-empty bottle of Jameson that'd been at his feet.

"Thoughts, I guess. Can't get out of my head."

Colby nodded his understanding. Been there, bruthr, been there.

"You wanna talk about it?"

Brennen chewed his lip, but smiled. Fuck, he was glad they were past it, that he had Colby back in his life. He owes him so many apologies.

"Yeah."


	8. Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brennen opens up to Colby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buckle up kids, it's gonna get worse before it gets better.
> 
> There will be several chapters posted in the next 48 hours, at least three. I've been working on them a while and I just can't keep them to myself, sorry. Your comments are actual crack.

Colby offered him the vape. This was somehow always easier with nicotine, their little talks.

"I uh…" he needed to just spit it out. "Jasmine left me because I'm bi."

Colby groaned, "Well fuck that bitch."

Brennen chuckled. "Yup." He nodded. "I guess...I don't really miss her but I felt like...when I was with her I felt like I knew who I was supposed to be."

Colby took a drag. "What do you mean?"

Brennen scrubbed his face. "Like...like I'm this...like when I was with her I knew all the details and stuff of how to be like...normal...and whole. And like if I fit myself into that box, I could squeeze all the broken parts together and as long as I stayed there I'd be good."

Colby frowned. "You're already good, dude. You don't need a box for that. You aren't broken."

Brennen gave him a sardonic huff of a laugh "Yeah, sure bud."

"No, I mean it. You're an amazing person, like I know you hated it but you were there for me the second I asked you for help and -"

"I didn't hate it, Colby. I just... I'm not... I've got a lot of baggage, okay? Like LAX level baggage. And I can't be dragging vulnerable people who trust me into that knowing I'm gonna fuck it up."

Colby tutted at him. "Everyone has baggage, Brennen. I wouldn't have asked you if I thought you'd like...use it against me or something."

Brennen mulled it over, sitting in silence for a minute. "I just don't want you to think that, like, I hated it. I liked it, it just wasn't... I'm not good for people. I don't fit in the 'good person' box."

Colby turned to face him, indignant look in his eyes. "Shut the fuck up, Brennen."

"What?"

"Shut up! You told me to stop shitting on myself so I'm telling you - stop shitting on yourself." Brennen cringed a little. "You maybe don't see it but you're a fucking good person, okay? Even if you've been through shit, or dated a homophobic bitch, or ghosted me; fucking up doesn't mean you're a bad person."

He just nodded. 

"I don't want to hear you talk about yourself like other people's hang-ups are your fault because they're not."

He could feel a heat behind his eyes, a clamp on his throat. Some part of him knew that, but he'd never really accepted it. Never had anyone tell him so insistently to his face.

"Can I ask you something?"

Brennen nodded.

"That day at the park...why, uh...why?"

Brennen took in a sharp breath, looking up at the stars and try as he might he couldn't help but laugh.

"Honestly?"

"Yeah, I fuckin' hope so."

"Honestly, I fell asleep."

Colby balked "The fuck, bro? Couldn't call me back?"

"I woke up when Jasmine came over. You called, we'd gotten into I before about me not...not being straight. And I thought if I pushed plans to be with you - to hang out with you - or like brushed her off to call you back, she'd flip. Jokes on me, she got my search history and flipped anyways."

Colby sucked his teeth.

"I know, I know, I'm a-"

Colby shot him a look.

"I-I'm a, uh... I'm a decent person working on being better?"

Colby nodded.

Brennen laughed under his breath.

"What's up?"

"Just karma."

Colby snorted "Nothing you can do can warrant an ignorant, judgemental, invasive partner. You don't have it in you to deserve that kind of karma."

His heart clenched, picking up the pace. God he wanted to bear-hug the shit out of him.

Colby placed his hand over Brennen's. "You deserve so much better than that shit. Seriously."

Brennen nodded. "Full disclosure?"

"Sure."

And here is where, for the sake of his conscience, he fucks it all up again just as it's back together. "The day after I kissed you, I may or may not have jerked off to your browser history."

Colby turned, and gave him a stern look, but didn't move his hand away, didn't make more space between them, or shrink apart. He was quiet for a long moment.

"Okay?"

Brennen's brain didn't really understand what was happening. He wasn't mad? Maybe it was disgust, is that what that look was? He'd earned it.

"What do you mean 'okay?'"

Colby just shrugged. "I mean, we share a PornHub account; I've jerked off to your history. You got good taste, man."

He wasn't disgusted? He wasn't upset? He was just somehow okay with this whole clusterfuck. Wow. Brennen couldn't stop himself. His brain was stalled out but his body kept the tempo.

He slid his hand out from under Colby's to place on top, squeezing gently. His other hand dropped the vape and pulled Colby to him by the back of the neck.

Fuck, those lips. So soft, warmer than he remembered, even as snow fluttered down around him. Colby's hand made it to his knee, but didn't push him away. No, he pulled. Gently, so gently.

He curved his head to the side, kissing with more insistence, the heat off Colby threatened to melt him into nothing. His hand found Colby's cheek and stroked, as Colby shifted closer. The first kiss was just a gesture, but Colby returned it with another. One firm, and sure, and comforting. It was a calculated reassurance. Brennen broke off, hardly for a second, before pressing in again, his brow furrowed. Colby squeezed his knee, a little moan slipping off his lips and straight to Brennen's cock. He wasn't sure how long they'd been exchanging heated, chaste, desperate pecks when he felt a tongue brush his lips, heart pounding in his throat as the deck spun around them.

Colby tasted of whisky, and coke, and mint, and something else entirely. It was intoxicating. His hand left Colby's and found his hip. God, he wanted to slide under those clothes, feel the bare skin scorch his fingertips. Colby nipped at his lip before opening up again, tongue playful. That little moan was going to be the absolute death of him, the hand on his knee slipping higher, closer.

He wanted to pull him flush, pin him down and do anything and everything to hear more of those sounds.

Fucking hell, he was really here. Well beyond 'past it' and back at ground zero, making out with Colby. Colby who pep-talked him through his insecurities, who stuck around, who made an effort to understand instead of judge. Who apparently jerked off to his search history. God, what the fuck was he doing.

He pulled away, eyes wide. Colby's own were blown, dark. What did he just do? His stomach curled, and he drew his hands back. Here he was again, stuck in his head so he did what? He got drunk, found someone pretty, and weaseled his way into their intimacy.

Once was a mistake, twice was a relapse, three times was a pattern, but this? What the hell was wrong with him?

He looked up at Colby, close. Heated breaths billowing toward him, flushed from the cold. Why did he have to do this to him, every time? When he was just trying to be a good friend. “Brennen-”

He couldn't do this - keep doing this. He felt his legs twitch and burn, his stomach quiver, heart dropping.

“I-I’m sorry, I’m gonna go back in.”

He deserved better. Sure, maybe Colby was down for the idea of Brennen but Brennen knew the mess he was, the eggshell fragility of himself. Colby shouldn't have to tip-toe through his exploration.

"Brennen!"

He shoved himself away, and onto his feet, hurrying through the door back inside. The ground beneath him was hardly steady, his conscience even less so. The room began to waver and threatened to spin, his stomach far from at ease. He felt like he might throw up, and pass out, all at once. He had to put an end to this shit, before he caved into nothing and left more mess behind.


	9. Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brennen remembers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Borderline dead dove.
> 
> Content warning: Homophobic language, physical abuse, verbal abuse, molestation, panic attacks, substance abuse, threats of violence.
> 
> Consider yourselves warned.

He could bite back the churning bile in his gut, but not the tears. This was not a moment he would allow himself some romantic break-down, sobbing so pretty and fussing away at the streaks down his face. Nope. He could function like this. He was used to this.

He turned away from the deck into the kitchen, snatching up an empty glass, and the bottle of remaining Jack. He could feel the heater thrumming, sweat prickling down his back, air just too thick to take a full breath. It felt like the worst parts of summer, stinging under his skin.

Why was he like this? He knew exactly why and he kept a tight lid on that shit, but all it took was sitting in the back next to Colby, a hand on his cheek, to burst is open.

_Aman was his best friend growing up. For a bit, when he was small. They lived a few doors down and when his parents split up, Brennen could decompress with Aman. He didn't have to look after his siblings or be good for his mother around Aman, he could just play make-believe in the Richardson's back yard, or when they got older, video games. Aman was a boy scout, he went to private school and was part of the science club, just a bright kid. He was a little smaller than Brennen but had such a bold, vivacious nature to him you'd never notice._

_Friday, after school - a whole opportunity of a weekend before them, as the school year sprinted towards summer break. They were sat on the ledge at the back of the Richardson's yard, watching the world go by in the valley below._

_They didn't live at the top of the hill, but it was steep enough that even the two-bedroom plot seemed like a castle atop a hill, the gutter out front made the perfect moat. They'd been talking about who knows what, Linda had agreed to let Brennen stay the weekend there. It was only a few houses down, hollering distance if need be._

“Shit!” He stumbled on a step, but caught the glass, hand still shaking. He brushed it off best he could and continued up the stairs into the hallway, cursing his room for being so far to the end.

_To Brennen, it seemed perfectly normal. His Catholic upbringing was fractured and half-assed at best and so phrases like 'man and woman together' just seemed like a generalization or metaphor like any other weird story he'd heard at his spotty Sunday school attendance. You were supposed to love one another, right? Only made sense._

He turned the knob best he could with his hands full, and tossed his beanie on the bed, shrugging out of his coat and stepping out of his boots. The glass made it to the dresser, and he unscrewed the bottle. He kicked his left boot aside, taking a sip straight from the bottle before pouring it, light and amber, into the glass.

_And here was Aman, big brown eyes and sparkling heart, looking at Brennen like he was the best promise ever made. The adults were also talking inside about their weekend plans, errands to run, promises to keep. Brennen braced himself against the ledge, one hand behind him and the other atop Aman's. He leaned over and gave him a kiss, lips puckered like saying bye to aunties. Aman simply smiled and kissed him back. It was nice._

_He opened his mouth to make that sentiment known but simply yelped as he was yanked backwards by the collar of his shirt. He choked for a moment before he landed on his feet, on the grass, the villain of his father towering down over him. He had his fingers still wrapped in the back of Brennen's shirt when he began to drag him back towards the car._

Brennen choked on a sip, bitterness clawing at his throat. He washed it down with another, refilling. It sent a gnawing shiver down his spine, like nails down a chalkboard; the room threatened to flip upside down, his gut already wrought.

_His voice was low, but sharp, a dagger to the gut. The butterflies fluttering there promptly made their escape. "Que haces?" He spat, not bothering to so much as toss him a look, eyes fixed on the car. He tossed Brennen against it, and waited for him to turn._

_"Que haces?"_

_"I-I don't know, I'm sorry, I-"_

_Brennen's father's hand was a wide and callous one, the kind that honestly should thud, but his slaps were always a sharp and gritted sting, a quick swipe of sandpaper and disdain._

He sat on the edge of the bed, staring blank at the ground in front of the dresser, gaze blank as a cinema screen. He brought the glass to his lips again, drawing in as much bitterness as he could. His stomach churned.

_"Pinche maricon!" He spat, his brother and sister sat in silence in the back seat, never daring to look away from the floor. He pulled Brennen by the hair to his mother's doorstep, banging rough against the red door._

_Linda opened it almost immediately, a look of horror on her face. She reached for Brennen, but he was yanked back, he scratched at his father's hands behind him, as they only gripped tighter._

_"You know what this little fucking shit was doing?"_

His head was spinning, his lungs burned, he couldn't slow much less stop the gasping, heaving breath. He sat the glass down beside him, but it toppled off the bed and onto the hard-wood floor with a clunk. “Shit, shit, sorry,” he apologized to no one in particular. He slunk, or rather plopped, down to retrieve it, crawling to his jacket to sop of the spill.

_"I'm sorry!" Brennen tried to plead again. He was met with another sharp yank and a slap. His mother stepped forward toward him, reaching to grab him again, but his father just pushed him back again. He tripped on a stair, rolling his ankle with a yelp, as he struggled to keep his weight from choking him against his father's grip._

_"I was going to take them all out for a nice weekend, but this little faggot would rather whore around like his mother than be with me, huh?"_

His eyes burned, watered. He pushed the coat around atop the puddle, but the water-proof fabric simply spread his mess further, “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he tried to catch his breath, sitting back and tossing the jacket roughly aside. His voice was hoarse, barely there between sobs. "Fuck, fuck, fuck". Why could he never get anything fucking right?

_Linda seethed, "Let him go."_

_He pulled Brennen back up the stairs with him as he stepped straight up to his mother, using his free hand to grab her by the throat and shove her into the house._

_"No me dice que haciendo con mi proprio hijo, puta."_

_Her eyes shot to Jake, in the car, and back to him, a whole other issue they kept under wraps._

_"Ungrateful slut." Brennen flinched, unsure who in particular that was aimed at but it aimed to hurt. Bull's eye._

_He shoved Brennen at her, who tripped on the threshold and fell into her, sobbing._

_"I don't want this fucking pillow-biter anyways. So excuse me, while I take the bitch and the bastard on a little trip."_

He was gasping, sobbing, frozen. His ears rung, vision blurred. He felt pressure on his shoulders, something obstructing his view of the shattered glass and whiskey by his feet.

_"N-" She tried but he simply tossed her a glare, heat searing through his jade eyes, and lifted his shirt to reveal the handle of a knife. He gave her a smile and turned on heel, striding down the stairs and across the street to the car._

“What happened?”

He took in a stuttered gasp, tears hot down his cheeks, “Sh-she called the cops.”

“Who? On you?”

He shook his head, eyes still fixed low, between his own knees. “On my Dad, t-to get them back. Bec-bec- the knife. She said the - she said it was the knife, but it was my fault. It was my fault. He didn’t - it was my fault!”

He couldn't catch his breath, but now the words wouldn’t stop either, until his lungs burned and he could only gasp in sobs. Like if he couldn’t get them out he would implode.

“What was your fault? What happened in here?” He felt something warm, solid, on his cheek.

“Sh-she called but they said h-he had like, like, rights. So I had to go back…” it came out hoarse and pained, another sob choking its way out. 

_"Dad, please!" Brennen squirmed in his seat. It had been a bit of a road trip, which combined with a stomach bug and car sickness meant he desperately needed a bathroom._

_"Ask me again and I'll slow down."_

_It had been twenty minutes when he last asked, stomach cramping and leg shaking. "Dad, please, I have to go, I can't hold -"_

_His father took his hand off the steering wheel, cigarette still lit between two fingers and grabbed Brennen's crotch. He squeezed. Hard._

“He tou- he touched me, I couldn’t -”

“Brennen, that is _not_ your fault! Look at me, that is not your fault!”

He looked up and saw blue eyes, and the guilt in his gut twisted tight, strangling his spine. He didn’t need to be doing this, dumping all of his toxic, revolting, acrid sins onto someone just trying to help - only ever trying to help - but he was suffocating, and he couldn’t hold any more in.

_"No? No puedes?" He mocked, acidic. "I thought that's what you fucking queers like? A pain up the ass."_

_"I have to -" his sister started from the back seat. Jake put his hand over her knee to stop her, a finger to his lips._

_Brennen felt his eyes begin to water, gut wrenching. His father squeezed harder as Brennen bit his lip and swallowed a sob, the lit end of the cigarette digging past his shorts to sear into his thigh. He tossed his head back and squeezed his eyes shut._

“It hurt s-so bad, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry -”

The room tilted, inverted, and he was pressed against something much softer than the dresser knobs digging into his back, something warm and undulating, he couldn’t move his arms. 

_"But I -" she started again from the back._

_He twisted all the way around, eyes nowhere near the road, and shot her a glare. "Shut the fuck up, baby girl."_

_The car swerved, narrowly missing a mini-van to their right. Brennen let a small sob slip as the jerking of the car, overcorrecting into the left lane, caused his father's hand to yank and the cigarette to drag. He finally let go, with a hard swat to his other thigh. He flicked the cigarette out of the window and dug around to find another to light._

“He didn’t - he didn’t - I didn’t mean to, I just - I couldn’t - I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

He heard something like waves, far as possible from the sea, but he felt them rock. Tasted salt-water, and a warm wind in his hair. He spilled his apologies into the chest of the person rocking him, shushing him; he begged forgiveness. For being curious, for being oblivious, for fucking up, for making trouble, for making everything so much worse every time he was around.

_Brennen cried as he soiled himself, the taste of metal slipping across his tongue._  
“You disgust me.”  



	10. Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Colby clears the air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! Life and whatnot.
> 
> Next chapter should be up either later tonight or tomorrow!

Brennen made another grueling roll over into wakefulness. His head clanged with each throb of his heart, his lungs and throat were sore. Somehow, though, his stomach was okay. The low light glimmered, softened through the trees and curtains, to glow gently into the room. 

He laid on his stomach, shaking his head to test the reactivity of this particular hangover. Colby lay next to him, maybe half a foot away. He put his phone down.

"Mornin'. How ya feelin'?"

Brennen groaned.

"Sounds about right."

Brennen chuckled, immediately regretting it as shrapnel ricocheted around his skull. "Fuck."

As much as he wanted, hoped, he'd be _blackout_ , that he could wash away the night again, he remembered every detail. His breath skipped as he walked back through the night, his eyes slowly meeting Colby's.

"I see you remember."

Brennen groaned, "Dude, I'm-"

"If you say you are sorry one more time, Brennen,” Colby gave an exasperated groan, “I dunno, I...I’ll have Sam sic a demon on you."

Brennen bit his lip, resting his head on his forearms, facing Colby.

"I'm working on it, and I feel bad about it."

Colby nodded, giving some hum of annoyance and understanding. 

"Alright, well how about we get breakfast."

Brennen nodded, wincing immediately as the screws turned tighter around his temples. "Oof, yep." He hissed "Breakfast, just gimme a minute to -" Colby's hand landed on his shoulder as he tried to press himself up.

"It's okay, I'm gonna bring it up here. Just chill for a sec."

He slipped off the bed and out of the room, still in last night's clothes.

Brennen fell back into a lull of hungover self-loathing for an indeterminate amount of time until Colby returned. He dared to peak his eyes open and was pleasantly surprised. Colby had a whole tray - omelettes, grits, bacon, avocado slices, and two glasses of some fluorescent liquid with one more, white.

"Soy milk is yours." He muttered, sliding the tray onto the bed first and himself after.

Fuck, _of course_ he remembered. Brennen cracked a grin and sat up, slowly and gingerly, until his back was to the headboard and his head throbbed tolerably. 

Colby sat next to him, handing over a bowl of grits and keeping his eyes clear of the half-hard morning-wood it seemed Brennen hadn't noticed yet.

_"Is it gay to like, wonder what it feels like for the girl?" He'd asked Sam one random evening last year._

_Sam gave him a deeply amused look, before turning back to his phone, "You mean is it gay to get off thinking about a dude fucking you? Yeah, probably - I dunno, ask Corey."_

_"Fuck does that mean?" Corey balked from across the hotel room._

Colby chuckled under his breath, and set about practically inhaling his bowl while Brennen slowly worked on his. He finished up, and quickly moved on to scarfing down the bacon and avocado, layering them over fork-fulls of omelette.

Brennen groaned with satisfaction, letting his head fall back as he finished his grits.

"You feeling any better?"

"Yeah, actually." His eyes smiled more than his lips did.

They returned to silence, working intently on breakfast until only empty dishes were left, and Brennen glugged at his glass. Gatorade, powerade, pedialyte, nyquil, whatever it was, it quenched his thirst and he could actively feel the vice behind his eyes loosening. He groaned, happy and marginally comfortable, resting his full weight on the headboard and closing his eyes. Colby leaned back with him, huffing out and rubbing his belly, contentedly. His head lolled to the side, eyes meeting Brennen’s, grinning wide.

“Dude…”

Brennen just nodded, "so good."

Brennen nodded, harder. Downing the last of the mystery-drink.

“Kevin can like...cook. Like… _cook_ cook!”

“Uh-huh”

“Like… _Mom_ cook.”

Brennen choked on a laugh. “Yo!”

“I - no, fuckin’...listen…”

Brennen kept laughing, covering his face “Dude, that’s the dumbest shit…”

“Fuckin’ listen! Moms _stay_ cooking! Does your mom cook?”

Brennen was shaken with silent cackles, barely managing a nod.

“Yeah, I bet Linda cooks. Cooks tasty.” Colby hit his vape.

Brennen died down, “What are you saying, bro?”

“Nothing” It was garbled “Just that I bet Linda does cook.”

Brennen gave him a bemused look. “Uhh...yes?”

Colby gave a slow, satisfied nod. “Bet.”

“What the fuck does that even mean?” He was more amused than offended.

“I’m just saying…she probably makes food.”

Brennen cackled again. “Are you fuckin’ drunk, bro?”

Colby shrugged, “Nope. You?”

Brennen groaned, “After last night, never again.”

Colby hummed, taking another drag and tossing it onto Brennen’s now-flat lap. It sucked, kinda stung. He's cool with it, then he makes a move, then he's not cool with it, then he freak out, then he apologizes. Rinse and repeat. “You wanna talk about it? Now that you’re uh...doing better?” He didn’t meet Brennen’s eyes, but he needed to get to the bottom of this because clearly something was seriously up.

"Uh, yeah...I guess...I mean, what’s there to even talk about?." He sat up a little straighter with a grunt.

Colby gave him a look. Having absolutely zero percent of _that bullshit_.

“I mean, I got drunk..again.”

“And?”

Brennen rubbed his forehead “...and I kissed you...again.”

“...And?” Colby turned to face him.

“...And I freaked out and dipped again because I’m a fucking pussy again and I fucked everything up ag-”

“Brennen, stop it!” Colby was staring at him now, just boring into him.

Brennen gave an exasperated shrug, “Stop what? You wanted to just destroy the vibe and flesh out all my fuck-ups, well that’s how it is.”

Colby sighed, “Dude...You’re not - you - I…” He took a second to put it together, “Let’s just look at it step by step, okay? No berating yourself, no shitting on yourself, just...step-by-step.”

“Fuckin’ why?”

 _Alright, that's it._. “Because honestly, Brennen,” Colby was audibly upset and Brennen smacked himself internally for doing it to him...again. “I’m concerned about you. Like obviously you’re not okay and as like, just a friend, I need to know you’re gonna be okay? Or at least try.”

 _Just a friend._ He was stunned. Shocked. Because as much as he hated the idea of living in this looping purgatory forever, it didn’t actually hurt to hear. It just dusted another layer of ice on the landscape. “Fine.”

Colby relaxed, leaning into the bed. “Step-by-step.”  
Brennen nodded, letting it sink in. Letting himself shift. He wasn’t in danger, he wasn’t on camera. He was sitting next to a concerned friend and he needed to be honest. Vulnerable. And honestly, as much as he hated ever feeling vulnerable, if anywhere was safe to be so, it was next to Colby. 

"You uh...last night after we…" _Man up and spit it out, Taylor, if you can say it as a joke you can say it seriously._ He took a deep breath. It felt nice. Some of the tension left his shoulders, replaced with resolve in his chest. He hadn’t noticed it. 

"Last night, after we made out I realized that I did it again." He caught Colby's questioning eyes. Damn those eyebrows. "I do this thing, I guess I just...I” He sighed, how was he even supposed to explain this? “...fuck."

"Take your time, man."

He needed to know and this was going to take some time, and some focus.

The wheels turned behind Brennen's eyes, stitching together what stray patches of logic he could find. And then all of the pieces clicked together and Brennen couldn’t keep his mouth shut if he tried. "I can have superficial relationships fine, like…like Jasmine, and stuff. But when it comes to physical stuff when like...when I really like the person, like I know them...I can't handle it sober I guess."

Colby just waited.

“And then I feel disgusting...Because I know I'm fucked up and I shouldn't be taking advantage of drunk people I care about but I can't unless... well it's like when I'm drunk I don't care. Or I do care but like, I don't care that I care. I don't know if that makes any sense.”

Colby nodded, "Does it make you nervous or…?"

Brennen bit his lip. "Guilty.”

Colby made a noise of acknowledgement. As much as he wanted to just wrap Brennen in a hug and squeeze away the bullshit, he knew trying to work through it in his own head would be far more helpful. He could see the cogs turning, the discomfort melting away with every sentence, and he just wanted to see him at peace at the end of this, and have his own understanding of whatever this mess was.

"No, I gotchu. Why do you feel guilty though? Like...drunk hookups are questionable, sure, but you're not doing anything really _that_ wrong, ya know?"

Brennen opened his mouth to speak, he had the idea patched together, he just needed the words. He knew that point B made no sense to a sane person, but it made perfect sense to him when he considered point A. "I...my first kiss was a boy."

"Okay?"

"And my Dad...he flipped. And it just made shit a lot worse for my family.”

Colby’s hand twitched, “Dude, that’s not...that shit is _not_ on you! Your father is a piece of shit, man. Anything that happened to him, like legally or whatever, that’s just on him. That’s karma.”

Brennen shook his head. He knew that, he _knew_ that, but it wasn’t that cut-and-dry “My mom tried to call the police, but then it...the judge basically ruled he still had parental rights and so I still had to go with him on weekends. Me and my brother and sister, and since he saw me kissing him...It just made him so much more angry and violent.”

Colby’s twitched again, this time, moving to sit on top of Brennen’s.

"Did he...hurt you?"

Brennen bit his lip and nodded, but kept pushing. “So...so now my little sister like…” Oh, fuck. He was going to cry. 

“My little sister never dates because she saw how it was for my mom...and she’s too scared to even try. Because she saw how bad he got. She can’t get past it and she’d rather just be alone than even risk it.” His voice was hoarse, shaking. He blinked out the blurring from his eyes.

“Brennen-”

“And Jake seems fine, but I know he isn’t. I can see it every time like...like we were at this bar and this group of guys were joking and this dude was yelling, in spanish. It was a joke, it...they weren’t even like cussing, or angry, it was a joke about- about two guys - but Jake was so shaken up, bro, he was so _scared_. He looked so scared and it’s…” his throat burned, voice breaking “It’s my fucking fault!”

Colby’s hand gripped his. “Hey, that isn’t -”

“It made shit worse for my first girlfriend, and for my old fuck-buddy, and Jasmine...and you...and-and-and even Corinna!” The words just kept pouring out, his chest heaving. “Even fucking Corinna thought it was so weird once she found out I’d hooked up with guys - she - she fuckin’ hooked up with like five girls that _month_ but I do it and it’s like...it makes people...it fucks with their lives, it pushes them away." Colby nodded slowly, thumb stroking the back of his hand. "So I just...when I'm with a girl I feel like I know how to pretend to keep it together, because the whole _fuckin’_ world knows how guys and girls are supposed to be together and it’s easy to fit into the box, and act like knowing me isn’t a fucking ticking time bomb," his voice broke again, wavering. Fuck control, he needed this out now. It was all up on the surface and if he did't get it out, he'd burst. "But with guys I just feel like I'm gonna fuck up someone's life if I ever really act on it. And other people are _fine_ , they come out and they live their life and they’re fucking _fine_ but I’m not; I’m never fine and the only difference is it’s me because I’m fucking...I’m what’s wrong. Me.” He took a shuddering breath. “ _I’m wrong_ ” It was hardly more than a whisper, scratched out and cracked.

Colby’s breathing was heavy, audible. Brennen didn’t dare look up.

“So I just...I wait until I’m drunk. Because then it’s just a mistake, or a fuck-up, or a joke. As long as no-one takes it seriously it’s fine, except it’s not fucking fine, because they’re drunk and I’m me. Because I’m wrong, either way I’m just…” He bit down a sob. “I’m fucking _wrong_ ”.

Colby moved his hand to Brennen's back. "You're not. You didn't fuck anything up for me, Jasmine is an idiot, your father is…" he chose his words carefully "...the human incarnation of a sunburnt foreskin, I don't know about your fuck-buddy, Corinna is..." He shook his head "...not even gonna touch that one...but I...I know...you make it better, okay, not worse? Being around you makes things better. Just like, how you are."

Brennen looked up at him, and Colby’s heart clenched at the emptiness in his eyes. Fuck, he looked like a stray in the rain. He struggled down the urge to throw him into a hug and call that enough. He just returned his hand to Brennen's.

He searched Colby’s eyes for any sign of a joke, or dishonesty, any morsel of _wrongness_. He found something wide, and warm, and whole, instead. Brennen could feel the heat behind his eyes start to water at Colby's words. Yeah, on one hand, every form of intimacy he'd ever attempted had crashes and burned and he was the only constant factor; but on the other hand, fuck those people, it's his life to live and their judgement shouldn't take away from his freedom. 

He nodded, biting his lip.

Colby reached out with his free hand, stroking his thumb across his bottom lip. Brennen sighed into the contact.

“So please...You are not wrong. You are not...you aren’t the thing that’s fucked up. That - that bullshit, that’s on them. You do not make my life worse, ever. _Ever_. You make it so much better. You make big parties actually fun, and you make it a little less risky being r-rated by nature, and you make the gym a challenge, and you make it comfortable…” His voice dropped, so soft and low, “...you make it comfortable being me. Being...kinda gay, honestly.” He tried not to chuckle, watching the edges of Brennen’s mouth twitch up to a smirk. “I fucking love you, dude. I do. Cuz you're so fuckin' easy to- you're worth loving.”

"Thank you." His voice was tight, hoarse. "Can I…?" He gestured sort of open.

Colby nodded, pulling him into his arms. "Hug me whenever you want, bruthr. You deserve it."

Brennen was somewhere between hysterical laughter and hysterical sobbing, only tampered by the vestigial hangover. But God, he felt better. Like this labyrinth in his mind just loosened up into an intermediate corn maze. He could navigate this. “I fucking love you too, bro.”

Colby's cheek was soft on his shoulder. He was so warm, and comforting but there wasn't much give other than that. He wanted to use his hands, unwrap his fingers from the back of Colby’s shirt and feel where he was firm, and where he was soft, where he was both or- _God. Damn. It. Man._ this was a serious moment, and he _seriously_ needs to stop getting turned on by Colby just being nice to him. He shook the thought from him, letting his eyes fall shut and just sink in. They curled up their for a while, tangled in each other’s arms, feeling the push and pull of breath. 

“You gotta just...like...when you think you’re wrong, talk to yourself like it was a friend saying it. You’d never let me talk to myself like that.”

Brennen nodded against Colby’s shoulder. The conversation was back on, but he couldn’t let go. He couldn’t pull back from the security of Colby around him.

“That’s...really fuckin’ good advice.”

“Yeah, Sam taught me.”

Brennen laughed. Always had an answer, didn’t he, that one. “Makes sense.”

“Yup.”

“C’mere.” Colby shifted his weight, pulling harder. He flipped Brennen around so his back was pressed to Colby’s chest, Colby leaning back against the headboard, his arms criss-crossed around Brennen’s waist and fingers laced together.

“What are we doing?”

“Cuddling. Do you want to stop?”

Brennen shook his head. “No.”

“Good, me neither.”


	11. Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Colby addresses an urge; Brennen gets some relief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're back! Sorry for the delay, I had my roommate physically corner and berate me, got dumped, had to transfer job locations and injured a finger. On the bright side, my insurance went through so I can afford therapy more consistently now - down side, my therapist is moving to another continent. So it's been a fuckin' week.
> 
> That being said - this chapter took my forever to write, and I'm not gonna edit it neurotically like I normally do. So here ya go, I'll edit it later probably.
> 
> Also! Check out my new story 'Salt Circle'!  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/22567765/chapters/53929552

Colby woke gently, floating gradually back to reality. He could simmer in this forever, the warmth, the comfortable bed beneath him, no expectations for the weekend. He felt like he’d gone through his bucket of things stressing him out’ and cleared it all out, wiped down with lysol and everything. He couldn’t help the grin that spread across his cheeks. 

Brennen stirred, tucked up with his cheek on Colby’s chest and his arm draped over his waist. He didn’t look small, or soft, really. Just at peace. But spilling your guts will do that - wipe the battery and plug in to charge. Colby lifted a hand, running his fingers through the dark hair. So shiny. _I dye my hair too much_ Colby noted to himself - mild envy threatening to bloom.

Brennen grumbled something, shifting his hips barely an inch and slackening back into his slumber. Colby felt something else bubble up in his chest. Brennen had clearly been through a lot - he knew that. He didn’t know every dirty, gritty detail, but he’d been through a lot. And he would never have known if he hadn’t shown him - told him. He was always this beacon of positivity on his channel, and the life of the party at a get-together, and the motivating factor at any challenge they took on.

He recognized the swell in his heart as admiration - it took so much strength to keep pushing through what was clearly dragging him down and be this goofy, shimmering, resilient person. To stay so positive that no one would ever had a clue that there was anything else. But there was something else. And it was dark, and jagged, and heavy. He’d seen it weigh on Brennen and leave him flailing, drowning, just below the surface. 

He recognized gratitude, that Brennen trusted him enough - though it took some pushing - to open up to him like that. To show him the parts of himself that he kept locked away, the parts that snarled and scratched at him, that he’d been bearing alone because he thought he’d deserved it. Colby’s heart broke at the thought. Fuck, he did not deserve _any_ of that. 

And then he recognized something he didn’t really have a word for. But he’d felt it before. The urge to hold him just a little closer and remind him, every time it reared its ugly head, that that burden was not his fault, he wasn’t alone - to let him know he was there and he loved him so, _so_ much. He wanted to take the feeling and crush it into Brennen until that was a part of him too.

Colby took in Brennen’s profile, brushing thick, brown hair out of the way. God, he looked so peaceful, content even. The color was back in his face, his breathing was slow and steady, the corded muscles across his neck and arms lax. Yeah, fuck that.

“Hey.” Colby shifted, enough to move Brennen, hopefully to wake him. Between the two, Brennen was a much lighter sleeper.

“Huh?” Brennen yawned, dragging his arm back across Colby’s stomach, and wiping the sleep from his eyes. “Oh, is your arm asleep?” He mumbled, he looked to the arm that’d been half-supporting him.

Colby ran his fingers to the knuckle into Brennen’s hair and rolled onto his side. “C’mere.” His voice was low, full of gravel, almost hoarse. Brennen didn’t have time to think about it before Colby’s leg was between his and his lips pressed to something warm, plush.

He mumbled some query, but let his eyes fluttered shut, sinking into the kiss. Colby broke off first, but Brennen leaned in, kissing him again. It felt sort of like the first - sporadic, asking, almost needy. But it was different in a way, more, like every nerve in his body was just a touch more sensitive, and the world more stable around him. 

And now Colby was leaning over him, dipping his weight into the moment, hands bracing on either side of him and for his life he could not take his fingers out of Colby's hair. He broke off for a microsecond of air just to slip back in, waking up more and more with every press, and sigh, and grasp, and angle, until he's brimmed with vibrating energy and letting it pour back over into Colby.

Brennen slipped his free hand onto Colby's waist and swallowed the moan that rolled out in response. There it was again, fuckin' finally, that angel song of a moan that had damn near driven him to madness. He nipped at Colby's lip and felt his skin prickle at the gravel-rolled purr that Colby gave. He yanked down, pulling Colby on top of him.

He was _hard_ against Brennen's hip, much to the amusement of Brennen, who couldn't stifle a giggle.

"What?"

"Dude, you got a boner."

Colby gave him a perplexed look.

"Yeah, you're hot. I thought we established this - I'm kinda gay, and your body like...not even low-key turns me on."

"Uh, yeah. I sure hope it does." He really couldn't help himself.

Colby placed his lips back on Brennen's, "Shut the fuck up." 

Brennen smiled into the kiss, letting himself melt under Colby. He peppered pecks across his cheek, to his jaw, brushing aside Brennen's hair and placing his lips, parted, against his pulse. Brennen felt a shudder run through him, one hand weaving into Colby's hair, anchoring like he might drift off.

Colby flicked his tongue across the spot there, and gave it a gentle bite, letting his teeth scrape across the sensitive flesh. Brennen let out a broken, thrumming groan, hips rolling slightly against Colby, seeking more friction, more movement. "Shit, sorry."

Colby tossed him a confused look. "For why? That was fuckin' hot." His voice was low, gritted.

"I just uhhh-" Any defense he had was shut down as Colby braced himself on his forearms and dragged his hips across Brennen's again, firm and slow, legs staggered with Brennen's. 

Fuck, that friction was delicious, he needed more. So much more. More touching, more grabbing, more biting and scratching and grinding. He wrapped an arm around Colby's waist and held him flush, grinding his hips back the opposite way.

Colby swore under his breath, eyes fluttering shut. "Fuck, Brennen" he practically whined. Brennen slid his free hand out, rolling them over so he was on top, grinding down hard against Colby, setting a stroking pace. There was no way he could get off from this alone, but he couldn't fucking stop, he didn’t care anyways. It was like itching a scratch that just needed more attention the more attention it got.

Colby slid hands under Brennen's shirt and dug nails into his lower back, writhing, rolling his hips, bucking up slightly when Brennen's zipper dragged across him a certain way. 

"You like that?" Came Brennen’s voice low and rumbling, right in his ear, setting his skin to goose-bumps and heat. Colby felt himself leak.

"Fuck, Brennen, please." He breathed pulling Brennen's shirt up. His skin was so smooth, almost hot to the touch, corded muscle moving under his fingertips. Brennen practically tore his shirt off and dipped back down, kissing, and licking, and nibbling at Colby’s neck, pressing harder against Colby with every gasp and roll.

They continued on, grasping, and pulling, rolling and scratching against each other until Colby was aching and Brennen was breathless. Brennen propped himself up on his forearms, looking down at Colby. “Well, damn.”

Colby laughed, panting slightly. “Yeah, I uh...I really...not just when I’m drunk, or when you’re sad, I really wanted to kiss you. Want to. Still do.”

Brennen felt himself blush. It wasn’t the rolling around half-naked that did it, but just how simple, and sure Colby’s words were. He leaned down and placed a kiss on Colby’s forehead, hips rocking slightly as he moved. Colby’s hands went to his hips, grinding back, Brennen swearing under his breath as the friction and pressure rolled a throbbing need down his spine and curled, to push himself further against Colby. 

Colby tightened his grasp on Brennen’s hips and repeated the motion, watching Brennen’s face falter, his eyes flutter shut, as he bucked back into Colby. He dragged his fingers into the belt loops, running a thumb across the zipper. Brennen groaned as the back of Colby’s hand pressed to his cock that desperately pressed back for relief. Colby’s thumb pressed to the button above the zipper, and he caught Brennen’s eye, other hand rubbing his hip.

“Can I?” He whispered.

Brennen froze. Yes, holy shit, yes, he wanted to do more right now; to slide his pants off and get Colby naked and do everything he has been telling himself not to think about. But he could feel nerves prickling up his spine, just at the thought of it. Where would he even start? “I’ve just never, uh...with a guy, like...like, sober.”

Colby nodded, “Do you want to try?”

Brennen slowed for a moment. Honesty. If he was going to do this with Colby he needed it to be real, and honest. “N-not, not - well, yes, yeah, but not like...hungover and gross and...just not now?” Colby nodded again , “Like, yeah, I really, _really_ want to keep going, I just...I want it to be better than this. Not on a whim or like...out of the spur of the moment.”

“Okay, that’s fine.” Colby comforted, thumb stroking along Brennen’s bulge. “We don’t have to go all the way; if you wanna just do this we can.” Fuck, could he be more perfect?

Brennen jolted, he really was the _best_ friend. And if he wanted to try sex with a guy now, he deserved to. Brennen could suck up his nerves and do that for Colby. “No, I mean if you want to I -”

“Look, you’re not letting me down or being bad or anything, okay?” His voice was so sweet, so warm, and low, and comforting “I...If you want to try another time, I think it’s pretty obvious that I’m down, and if you’re not then just say so; and I’ll just be proud of your honesty.” He curled up and pecked Brennen.

Brennen pressed his forehead down to Colby’s “Can we just like...can we make out more though?” He laughed at himself. He sounded like an overly-excited teenager. Colby nodded, and wrapped a hand around the back of his neck, pulling him back down to his lips.

The kiss was so much deeper, more heated than before. He parted his lips, letting their tongues mingle as he ran a hand under Colby’s shirt, smooth skin under his fingers as Colby arched into his touch. He ground his hips down again, and Colby groaned into Brennen’s mouth, the quivering heat spreading through his lower belly again. He grabbed Brennen’s hip tight, and pressed back, shifting across his hips to get some friction.

“Is that okay?” Brennen asked, breaking the kiss for a moment. Colby nodded quickly and pulled Brennen back down, pressing his forehead to Brennen’s.

“H-harder.” The needy, graveled, plea sent shivers down Brennen’s spine. He pressed harder, basking in the swell of pride and arousal as Colby’s mouth dropped open and he bucked back up. Brennen dragged his nails down Colby’s side, his cock twitching to the broken, breathy moan, and pinned Colby’s hip to the bed. He kept his eyes on Colby’s face as he steadied his weight, grinding hard against him, thumb stroking the hollow of Colby’s hip bone. 

He kept up, long, steady, hard-pressing strokes, until Colby was sucking at his collar-bone, knees bent up and back arched, one hand’s nails dragging down Brennen’s back and the other twisted in the sheets. Colby’s shirt was hiked up, a flush crawling from his chest up to his ears, trembling, hips fighting to grind back. He wanted more, he wanted so much more, but he wouldn’t press. Brennen needed to pace this, and frankly, so did he, but god damn, he wanted more.

He wanted that calloused hand wrapped around him, stroking him off, those freckled, plush lips sliding down, fuck he needed to cum. He groaned, dropping his head back and biting his lip, Brennen’s strokes teasing the scalding pressure up higher. He swore under his breath, bucking up lightly against Brennen.

Brennen leaned down, kissing his cheek, and dropping his face next to Colby’s. “You want more?”

Colby nodded, “If...if you’re okay. I’m kinda uh...yeah, more, please.” He sounded half-wrecked.

Brennen pushed back, sitting back on his heels, and unbuttoning Colby’s jeans, quickly shimmying them down to his knees as Colby kicked them off. He shucked his own pants quickly, as Colby removed his shirt. He reset himself between Colby’s legs, pinning Colby’s cock between his leg and his own cock. He felt the damp patch of Colby’s pre-cum against him and groaned, dropping down to kiss him again. 

Colby pulled Brennen harder against him with one hand in his hair and another on his shoulder, sobbing a moan into the kiss as he felt Brennen against him. He was thick, and Colby _wanted_. He swallowed hard, feeling his mouth water, and shifted, wriggling under Brennen. Brennen’s weight slipped, his hardness sliding slightly under Colby, against his crack, as Colby’s own rolled straight, pinned between he and Brennen’s stomach. They both gasped.

“Oh, fuck.” Brennen groaned. Colby nodded his agreement, wiggling again, Brennen tensing. His hips rutted, much without his consent, along Colby’s ass. He shook his head, but bucked against him again, his movement dragging Colby’s foreskin down and back up. A broken, choked sound fell out of Colby’s open mouth, nails digging in. 

“Brennen, Brennen, do that again, please, do that again.” He couldn’t say no to that.

He braced one forearm by Colby’s shoulder, his free hand cupping Colby’s cheek, blue eyes blown black and boring into his own. He pressed, slowly, dragging himself across Colby’s cock, his own leaking to the delicious pressure and friction, the warmth of Colby’s body pulling the tension tighter. Colby nodded wordlessly, a silent moan caught in his throat. He withdrew and pressed again, this time the moan full-throated, Colby’s head dropped back.

He had to reach down and squeeze the base of his cock to stop himself from boiling right then and there, that one moan like the first one - the one that hooked him - turned up to ten. He could see himself swiftly addicted to it. He thrust up, hard, eyes fixed on Colby’s face, flushed, his hands shooting to Brennen’s hips, tangling fingers into the cotton of his boxers, “Please, again, don’t stop, please.” Colby gave, breathy.

Brennen leaned further forward, letting his weight settle on Colby, as Colby moved his legs in between Brennen’s. His cheeks pressed tighter against Brennen’s cock, he bit his lips and grasped the headboard, rocking himself back and forth, rolling his hips down and every rock forward. The sensation made his head spin, it hadn’t been that long since he’d last gotten off but he could feel the desperation bubbling to the surface.

“Fuck, fuck, Brennen that feels -” Brennen’s weight was stroking him so perfectly, the thick hardness of his pressed against his ass digging a craving deep in his gut. It was building quickly, the pressure, the slide of Brennen’s skin across his, his ragged breath in his ears, the hard, defined muscle rippling against him. He couldn’t focus. He yelped as he felt Brennen’s teeth scraping his neck again, back arching, pressing his ass harder against the larger man. 

Brennen tucked his toes under for further leverage and pressed harder, rutting against Colby, the writhing and moaning making his balls pull up. Colby placed a hand up near Brennen’s, against the headboard, and pushed himself down, back arched, doubling the force of Brennen’s strokes.

“Oh, God.”

“Jesus, fuck, Colby, I can’t -” He sounded heated, strained. Colby looked down, Brennen’s chiseled frame on top of him, abs tight, thighs flexed in black briefs. The sight made his head spin, the tense pressure down low boiling higher, flamed arousal licking at his skin.

“Brennen, look - look at me, look.” Brennen opened his eyes, jade hazel meeting his. He looked desperate, drowning, like he was about to ask for help. His cock lamented the cease of motion, the heat flaring with need. “Y-you, you uh...keep going, okay?” Brennen nodded, “Keep going, and don’t - don’t stop, okay?” He curled up and pecked Brennen’s lips. “It’s okay. It’s, you’re not - you’re not doing anything wrong. It’s good, it’s so - it’s so good, you’re so good, so don’t, don’t stop, okay?” Brennen dragged back and forth again, quick, hard snapping hips, ripping a sobbing moan from deep in Colby’s chest, hissing his own relief. 

“S-so good, don’t stop” Colby rambled, one hand pressed to the headboard, and the other in Brennen’s hair, tucking him into the crook of his neck. Brennen nodded and rocked.

The rocking turned into rolling, and the heat became searing, the rolling became thrusting, and the hissing sighs turned to gasps and sobbed moans. In minutes, both of them were desperate and lost. Brennen felt himself at a precipice, teetering on some edge, biting himself back, forcing down what his body was begging him for, panging and whining turned to spasming demand. He needed more, but he felt if he got it he would shatter and dissolve, it would end, so he held on tighter and begged, shaking his head into Colby’s neck, mouthing against his shoulder. “Please.” He wasn’t even sure what he was asking for. 

Colby’s fingers tightened against his scalp, “It’s okay, you - you can, it’s okay.” Colby comforted, his voice shaky. He wrapped a leg across the back of Brennen’s thighs, allowing more space for Brennen to slide across his ass. Brennen let loose a keening, shaking breath. “It’s okay, Brennen, it’s good, it’s so - so fucking good, please.” Brennen sobbed a moan, Colby’s words prickling his eyes, drawing the needy tension tighter, higher, wavering and threatening to break. “Please, Brennen, it’s so good, harder - just, please - just a little harder, fuck, please.”

“I-I can’t - I’ll - I can’t” He muttered into Colby’s neck. He could taste how bad he needed it, but he couldn’t let himself let go, shuddering into the frustration. 

“Do you want to?” Colby breathed. Brennen nodded frantically. 

“S-so bad, so bad, fuck, Colby, I want - I need it, I can’t…” He was rambling, grinding down and thrusting up against Colby’s ass, free hand white-knuckle gripping Colby’s hip. Colby nodded once, his hand coming up to stroke Brennen’s back, drawing him to a halt.

It was so slow, so tender, compared to the desperate humping they’d been at, the way Colby ran fingertips up and down Brennen’s spine, and it made his eyes squeeze shut tighter, tears burning at the lid. Colby’s other hand stroked through his hair, pressing him into the safe pocket he was burrowed in. “Please, Colby, I-I -”

Colby nodded, “Okay, okay…” His hips moved gently, his body wouldn’t let him sit still, “It’s okay, if you- if you need, we’re gonna,” He swallowed hard, his leg pulling Brennen closer, “We’re gonna start again, is that okay?” Brennen mumbled his consent, “Because it’s good, okay?” Brennen nodded, “And we’re gonna go just a - just a little harder, and you - you go,” Brennen began to rock again, Colby groaning into his ear, “Fuck, fuck, Brennen, that feels s-so good.” 

His fingers gripped tighter into Brennen’s hair, hand laying flat and soothing him towards the edge again. Brennen rocked harder, “Th-that’s - yeah, yeah, fuck, yes, that’s so good, Brennen, so - so good.” Brennen groaned, digging his toes in and pushing back against the headboard, Colby arching his back. He slipped his arm under, wrapping around Colby’s waist to pull him close. 

“Colby, please, I need - I need - please,” He couldn’t stop.

“Y-yes, yes, God, fuck, yes, Brennen, harder, harder.” Colby barely managed, he began rocking back, rolling his hips, the dynamic change making him choke on a groan as the pressure in his balls threatened to burst. 

Brennen bit into Colby’s shoulder, “Colby, please, I-I can’t, I can’t -” _I can’t fucking take anymore, I can’t stop, I can’t help myself, I need it and I fucking can’t._ He couldn’t manage the words either, brain flooded, blurred as the heat seared low, everything built up in his chest, threatening to catch in his throat, he choked, struggled for air.  
“It’s okay, it’s - it’s - it’s, just a little harder, Brennen, don’t stop, fuck, don’t - don’t stop, I - I - oh, god, fuck, Brennen, don’t stop.”

Colby’s fingers turned tighter, nails dragging down Brennen’s back, “Don’t st- don’t stop till, don’t stop till you - you - you- don’t stop, fuck, don’t stop till you get what - get what you need- fuck, Brennen, don’t st- oh God” He was rambling, he could barely patch it together.

Brennen felt each of Colby’s words sink deep, the desperation fraying the fibers of his control until it slipped. He rutted hard into Colby, pure need driving him. He couldn’t stop if he wanted to, and fuck, he wouldn’t dream of stopping. “Colby, I need it - I need, I need - please, please.” His hips shoved erratically against him, the gyrating of Colby’s hips massaging the head of his cock, sending sparks off behind his eyes, the pressure hitting the limit. 

“S-so good, Brennen, so good, so fucking, fuck, fuck,” Colby was shaking below him, trembling and writhing, taught against him “Brennen, s-so, you feel so - fuck, you’re so good.”

Brennen felt himself nearly swoon. _You’re so good._ He felt the gasp slam into his lungs, and gripped Colby tighter about the waist, yanking his boxers down to drag against Colby’s bare cock. Colby yelped, jolted, grasping tight, almost painful, hurt just enough to feel so nastily good. The nude heat of Brennen against Colby’s cock, slick with sweat and pre-cum, sent him spiralling. His bucked up, the heat swallowing him, scorching his raw nerves. 

“B-Brenn-Brenn, I-I- fuck, fuck, fuck, Brenn’nn” His voice climbed in pitch, “Y-you, you - gonna, I’m gonna - you’re gonna make me- make me cum, f-fuck, Brenn’nn, you’re gonna - I-I-” Brennen could feel it, feel the moment Colby was lost, moan caught in his throat, legs shaking. 

Colby’s orgasm scorched him, singed the edges, and threatened to swallow him whole, waves of heat ripping through him, as his eyes squeezed shut and his world shivered. He could hear, somewhere far away, Brennen’s broken, rambling curses, and held tight, clinging to him. He gasped, air rushing in to intensify it all, holding Brennen close, and sobbing moans, blinking open, shaking through it.

Brennen’s hips rutted, his body taking what it needed, sprinting toward the edge, as he bore through the overwhelming pleasure of it all. He picked up his head and met Colby’s eyes, and he wasn’t sure if it was the heat, or the pressure, or the tone, or the look of raw, desperate arousal in those blown blues, but he felt the tension break.

“C-Colby, fuck,” was all he could manage before the pressure burst, he may have shouted, head dropping, burrowed again into the pocket as Colby held him close, undulating ass milking him through the waves of blinding relief, every tense, blocked, conflicted fiber of him shaking into release. His hips stroked, jerked, humped, abs locked up tight, as the rolling swells of satisfaction blocked everything else out. He spasmed, shuddered, sobbed through it, eventually relaxing into a bliss, floating down.

The drop kept up, though. He floated back down until he felt Colby and the bed beneath him, but his heart sank lower, tipping over until it poured out and the relief hit him again, hit different. He felt the tears slip out and he couldn't help the shaking sobs that racked him. Colby rubbing his back, the rise and fall of his chest soothing, quiet words, lips pressed to his forehead.

“It’s okay.”

He hiccuped, and nodded, calming sooner than he thought, but felt the residue of the emotion pushing the last of the tears out. “You’re so good, Brennen.” Colby whispered.

He pressed a kiss to his lips, tender and kind, and wiped some of the tears off.

“So good.”


	12. Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The afterglow settles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will most likely not be the cadence or rhythm of the rest of my posting - I was merely inspired, though the close of this story is in sight.

They woke about half an hour later, still tangled together in a sticky mess. Colby grumbled something crude to which Brennen had a smart retort and showered. Separately.

They tried, they really did, to keep it chill, but it was like a dam broke and neither had the wherewithal to keep the flood back. Brennen was sat on the edge of the bed with Colby straddling his lap, fingers through his wet hair and towel barely holding onto his waist, tongues twisted and clinging to each other, when Jake burst into the room, Tara's shitty vape in hand.

He looked up from his phone. "Hitting the slopes in fift- woah".

Colby pried his lips away, wiping his mouth with the back of his arm, eyes wide. Brennen froze, one hand glued to Colby's ass and the other behind him, kickstanding them up.

Jake tilted his head, taking in the image. He looked Colby up and down, and then Brennen.

"Slopes in fifteen." He jerked his head toward the hallway.

"J-jake, you can't, it's not…" Colby floundered for words. They had not discussed what this was, hadn't had time to, they'd barely even gotten anywhere and the last thing Brennen needed was Jake blabbing about this to the entire cabin - Colby knew that.

Brennen was still locked into place, like a gilded performer on a street corner, eyes wide and fixed on Jake.

Jake gestured with a finger to Colby and Brennen, "Nah, no worries, bruthr." Colby attempted to shake his head, to move, to at least get off of Brennen, who was somehow still hard against his hip, hickeys blooming around his throat. "This checks out."

He turned on his heels and closed the door behind him, muttering 'slopes in fifteen' as he scuttled out.

Colby gave an incredulous scoff, turning back to Brennen, arm still slung around his neck. "I…we...what?"

Brennen's mouth opened and closed, finally shoving the words from his brain to his tongue. "If he...what if he tells someone? What if he tells Sam?"

Colby looked confused "What if he tells Sam? Why do you…?"

Brennen scooted back, giving Colby more stable grounding on the bed. "I just...Does Sam know you're...queer?"

Colby snorted and nodded. "Uh, yeah." He deadpanned.

Brennen quirked up an eyebrow, "You...you didn't...with Sam?" He gestured between him and Colby, "What about Kat?"

Colby scoffed "What about her? Sam's straight. I just...we were doing a thing in New York and I…"

He sighed, sliding off of Brennen's lap, but kept facing him. "I hooked up- I made out with a guy at a club in New York and uh...I went home with him."

Brennen nodded slowly.

"Sam had to let me back into the hotel, I lost my key." He blushed.

"Did you...did you have sex with him?" Brennen looked legitimately concerned, despite his hand, still in Colby's left hip.

Fuck did it matter to him?! "No." 

"Okay." Brennen looked just as concerned, not placated at all by Colby's answer.

"Why? It's not like we were - we just - why do you care?" Colby nearly spat. Brennen had no right being territorial, after all the running away he did, the abandoning he did.

"I just want to...did you enjoy it?" His thumb stroked Colby's hip.

Colby shrugged, "I mean, the dancing and making out, sure. But I couldn't really get past that. But yeah," he nodded, locking eyes with Brennen ,"Yeah, I liked it."

Brennen's brow furrowed further, grip tightening on Colby's hip. "So let me get this straight - you went to a club, found a guy, went back to his, didn't want to carry on, and he stole your keys and kicked you out?"

Colby shook his head, "What? No!" He pushed the hair from his eyes, "I - we made it to his place and he - I didn't want to go further, so he called me an Uber home because my phone was dead, and I left my hotel key in the Uber and charged my phone in the lobby and called Sam."

Brennen sagged with relief, a deep sigh he hadn't realized he was caging rushing out if him, forehead dipping to Colby's. "Oh, thank God." He breathed.

"It was fine, you're not like, salty, are you?"

Brennen shook his head. "No, I was just - I thought someone hurt you, I was worried."

Colby threw his arms around Brennen. "Don't worry about my, bro. I can handle myself, I just thought you were like, jealous."

Brennen laughed.

"What?"

"I literally told you to go hook up with someone else, it wouldn't make sense for me to be mad if you did."

Colby pulled back. "Oh, so you do have some logic."

Brennen scoffed, "Uh, yeah!" He poked Colby's waist. Colby hopped off the bed, "Alright, time to get ready."

He cleared his throat as Brennen finger-coiffed his hair back to order and they shifted apart.

The day dragged on and they managed to keep their hands to themselves. Jake earned several points for Gryffindor - let's be real, Jake is a Slytherin - keeping his mouth shut about what he saw. 

The weekend drew to a close, Corey, Kevin, Aryia, Reggie, Jake, and Tara leaving half a day early when Sam revealed his 'hidden' supplies for a mountain ritual video. 

_"The fuck is that?!" Corey gestured wildly at the salt and red candles, rune inscribed, on Sam's suite floor, from to doorway._

_"What's what?" Kat posed, strolling up the stairs to stop behind Corey._

_Sam stood, rubbing one knee on the way up. Damn track. "I'm just doing a video it's fine, I'll -"_

_Kat pouted. It wasn't an endearing or sexy pout, more externalized disappointment. "Sam."_

_His shoulders sank, at a loss for words._

_Kevin and Aryia's door opened, the former taking a single look at the scene and pivoting right back around. "Oh, hell nah."  
_

They took the same cars back to LA proper, and spilled respectively into their homes, to unpack, decompress, and readjust to the grind.


	13. Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brennen works through quite a bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, okay, holy crap. Sorry I went missing - life got insane and I've been trying to take care of myself and it's been taking priority over writing but I really want to finish this story and work on a few more. I kinda realized that part of taking care of myself is having a creative outlet and so I really want to incorporate creative writing into my self-care and this isn't a therapy session so I'll leave it at that.

Brennen's running around his apartment like a chicken with its head cut off, picking up a cup to put it in the sink, grabbing the charger from the kitchen outlet next to the sink to put in his room, where he moves some deodorant from his half-made bed - he wonders what distracted him that time - snatching up hair product on the way and depositing both in the bathroom.

Stress-cleaning. There had been drinking, and smoking, and eating, and yelling, all kinds of stress-management in his life. If he'd gotten anything from his mother - aside from a wicked dark sense of humor, and curly hair - it was a tendency to nest and tidy when stressed.

Kitchen was pretty much clean last time he checked - his fingers twitched in an aborted attempt to check his phone's timer as he remembered laundry was already done - living room could do with a sweep, he needed to send his portion of filming to Sam, Jack was coming over, Kobe was walked - wait, was that yesterday or today? Fuck.

He burried his face in his hands and dug the heels of his palms into his eyes. _Get it together_ , Brennen half-ordered his _well_ exasperated internal voice. _One step at a time_ , followed his mom's. _You got this_ , came Colby's right after. He took in a deep breath, from the belly up, until his chest couldn't twitch an inch further, and let it all huff out, the shoulders he hadn’t realized were tense relaxing as his chest fell.

He returned to his room, and dug around in his nightstand until he found a piece of scrap paper - unpaid parking ticket, nah. Old CVS receipt, yes - and a pen. He tossed the phone aside, another distraction, and sat on the bed. As soon as pen hit paper, the scritching sound filled the stagnant silence in the air, heavy in the absence of his hurried footfalls. He ended up with a list of fifteen things to do, and immediately felt lighter.

He and Colby had spent basically the entire weekend together. Every weekend since the ski trip. It had been three weeks, and any spare moment that wasn't taken up by pizza nights or group hangouts or Colby's weekly quota of introvert time, or as he called it _'by-my-damn-self'_ time, was filled with time together. 

He'd appreciated it, he had. He _had_. Really.

But he also had shit to do, and lots of it.

Half the stress was getting it all done but the other half was just the pressure of balancing whatever was going on with him and Colby. Car rides alone from his place to Colby's, or from Colby's to a meeting, or a meeting to the gym, were just filled with sprinting thoughts. He couldn't recall, for the life of him, anything he'd played on Spotify in the last week. 

The second he'd had any spare second, it was filled with planning the next few fun things to do with Colby, and figuring out what he absolutely had to do to keep up with life, and putting off the less-savory as long as possible.The time with Colby was a balm to the anxiety that flittered around in the back of his mind, tugging at strings in his gut. He willed it quiet and kept slipping in little morsels of responsibility where he could fit it, where he had the will and energy.

Until he woke up from a very restless sleep with a tight chest and bursting head, that threatened to clam him up into an anxious, immovable vice. The uncomfortable itch of an important _something_ forgotten had wrapped him in a sweltering, itchy, rough woolen-sweater of distress.

He decided to make breakfast, after seriously debating showering, working out, or eating first. Somewhere on his way to the kitchen he, pinterest, and his appetite _still_ couldn’t decide what to make. He promptly retracted his decision and just went with a protein shake. 

He'd put the bottle in the sink after a vigorous chugging, and turned to the living room. Well, nearly had. He’d made it about two thirds to the next track on his train of thought when he felt something slip. He snapped back, popped off the lid off of the shake-bottle and rinsed it out; and the thrilling catharsis of cleaning had struck again, thus setting him in a rather chaotic and messy frenzy to establish order and reason to his space. And when there was order and reason of his space it allowed the capacity for order and reason of his mind.

He looked up from the list. It couldn't be done today, not all of it, but a lot could. _Honestly_ , a lot. He let out a deep breath, one he hadn't realized he was even holding. 

Why didn't he _do this_ more often? It always gave him this little souvenir of peace to have a tangible, visible record of what he could do now and what could wait. So it wasn't just rattling around his mind and tipping over any of his precariously curated sanity; so he could actually _get it done_. In hindsight, he'd have done a lot better in school if Los Angeles school districts even considered the existence of visuo-spatial thinkers.

The next two hours flew by with ticking off little items on the list and adding more to the bottom as the thought arose - thank God for the unreasonable length of CVS receipts. He was clearing his junk-email inbox of random ads and spam when he was jolted by a rather insistent knock at the door.

He caught his laptop, and set it gently on the coffee table, making his way to the door. The light pouring in from the kitchen had taken an orangey hue, the day had gotten away from him. _Had it though?_ He felt pretty damn good about all the things he'd gotten done, felt like he'd done a once, twice, thrice over his mental junk drawer with a duster, a Swiffer, Lysol even, really cleared up the -

"Hey, hun!" Jack stepped into his space and threw his arms around Brennen. "Let's do this."

Brennen barely had the presence of mind to squeeze him back briefly and give him a nod of acknowledgement.

Jack pulled back, hands on his shoulders, holding Brennen at arm's length. "You good?" His eyes were searching Brennen's own, with concern. It looked genuine.

Brennen nodded, "Yeah, yeah. Just been cleaning my head today."

Jack gave him a funny look, one eyebrow cocked up.

"Cleaning my, uh, in my head and cleaning my place. Both."

Jack dropped his hands and gave a knowing smile "Ahhh, yup. Those are always good. Smells like...” he took a dramatic wafting breath, sweeping the air up toward his nose “..catharsis and chemicals."

Brennen gave a soft chuckle. They didn’t really hang out much, but he did love Jack’s sense of humor. And his hair, he had great hair. 

“Nothing like a mental-health enema to put a lil pep in your step!” Jack added, in a tone that seemed entirely serious and sober.

Brennen nodded "Yeah, I cleaned...uh...everything. But that's not important - designs, shall we?" He gestured to the rest of the apartment behind him.

Jack bit his lip and gave an enthusiastic nod, shaking the strap of the messenger bag on his shoulder. _Of course_ he brought ideas, he was a walking Pinterest board.

They made their way to the sofa and opened several new tabs on Brennen's browser, jotting down "for sure's" and "maybes" and "absolutely nots". They'd gotten pretty deep into just aesthetic marketing ideas before Jack made the transition into action visual design ideas.

"Okay, so summer is hot." He piped up.

"Uh, yeah?"

Jack shook his head, "No, not 'yeah', 'yes!'"

Brennen just gave him an expectant look.

"Summer is hot, summer means shorts and tanks and crops and sweat and sweets. Summer is stifling, and hot, and long. That's why we love summer."

Brennen cocked his head, "Because it's stifling?"

"No because relief -” He held up a finger to stop Brennen from further questioning. “ People associate it with indulging in things to let off that summer heat, babe, you gotta take advantage of that. Warm tones, lazy poses. _Indulgent_ and _struggling!_ "

He handed Brennen his phone that just had pantone palettes of rich, warm colors accented with cool pastels. Honestly, he could see summer merch in these colors selling really well. Heck, he'd buy a few himself from someone else.

"S-so what are you saying, like...like as far as this?"

Jack's grin only widened. "What's your favorite position?"

Brennen choked on, well, not water, not even air, he just choked.

"W-what?"

"Doggy style, sixty-nine, what's your favorite?" Jack eyed him up and down, one arm slung back over the couch. "What are you? A scorpio? Not missionary, that's for sure."

Brennen's mouth gaped for a second. "I...what?"

Jack rolled his eyes. "Okay, this calendar is sexy! So for your summer months, you want to ease from _cute_ \- spring - into _sexy_ \- summer."

Yeah, _that part_ makes sense. So he nodded.

"The best inspiration is from reality. The most obvious form of relief and gratification and indulgence is sex, and sex sells.” He finished that like he expected Brennen to say something. 

Brennen, instead, said nothing. Jack rolled his eyes. “Art imitates life or _whatever_ , so think of your favorite positions and then abstract it to something a little less X-rated."

He ran a hand through his hair. He had ways liked doggy, but he was a sexual human being, who didn't? Prone could definitely be a show-stopper too, given the right angles. Or obtuse? Acute? Maybe the angle had to be acute to get it right.

As long as he had his hips angled down and the other person had their hips up, it was usually all good. More than good, great. But fuck, was it really about the position or was it the energy behind it? The giving and the taking?

Hell, even he and Colby had gotten each other off in a half-clothed missionary, snow outside, gripping and grinding and working for it. A trickle of heat rolled down his spine thinking about it - how Colby had worked him through it, held onto him, clung, shaking and grinding back. Felt the heat of his skin on his fingertips, muscles tensing under him. How seamless it would be to slip a hand under those boxers and tease him open, slide in nice and easy and work it in deep; rolled into their sides - spooning, angling, pushing forward and bouncing back, and, fuck, the sounds, the noises he makes, fuck he wants to hear that, hear him shudder and shake apart, groaning Brenn-

"Brennen, you good?"

Brennen's eyes shot up to Jack's. "What?"

"You straight, hun?"

"Wh-what? _Yeah_ , no." He slid the cup of water he was holding onto his crotch, covering the bulge twitching to life with interest.

"No?" Jack turned to face him more. "What's wrong?" He took his phone from Brennen's other hand and sat it down.

"No, not - sorry, nothing, yeah I'm fine."

Jack nodded slowly, his face somewhere between incredulity and concern. "You sure, Bren?"

"Yeah, I just...I thought you were asking something else. I'm fine." Brennen scrubbed his face with his hands and let out a huff. "Let's keep going?"

Jack simply clucked at him, straightening up and facing him head-on, "So you're _fine_...?" Brennen nodded, "...but you're not _straight?_ " So, not _‘keep going’_ then. He sighed.

Brennen could brush off a lot but this wasn't a question about phrasing. He couldn't act like it was. Jack's question went straight for the throat of the matter, but his tone was gentle, like he was holding something fragile and restless, and couldn't bear to stir it.

He couldn't meet his gaze, not yet, but he nodded. "Yeah."

"You wanna talk about it?" Jack's voice came even softer.

"No, it's not...it's not a problem, like...I know." He took a deep breath. Just another note on the list to tackle. "I know I'm...I dunno," He shook his head, " _'pan'_ is probably the closest word for it…"

"Okay." Jack accepted. 

"But I've never...Well, I _have_ \- I just - I'm sort of seeing someone and just figuring stuff out, I guess."

Jack nodded. "And the shoot brought that up?"

Brennen chuckled "Well, yeah. And summer."

"Summer?"

"Summer like...heat, and sweat, and _relief_ and all that shit you said." He might be an absolute mess but he could at least admit that the idea of being tangled up and heated, giving the summer a run for its money, seemed like a good idea to him. At least to his dick.

"Well…" Jack took a pause.

A long one. 

Two more moments and Brennen's tension might have turned to anxiety. 

"...Channel that, then. Use that to fuel your ideas, it's supposed to be fun, and real, and you. If that means it's messy, and pan, and complicated, then good. All the better for it."

Brennen chewed his lip. “I - Thank you. First, like...thank you.”

Jack nodded, “Of course, hun. And second…?”

Brennen took a deep breath. “Second is...Okay, like, I feel better. I _do_. I want to keep working with it and thinking about it and stuff, but I don’t really know myself that well. I don’t know what to do or what _not_ to do.”

Jack let out a hum of acknowledgement. One that said _I’ve been there before_. “That’s okay, hun. You don’t have to know and honestly you might not ever completely know yourself, but the good thing is that you get to explore it, and have fun.”

That was...that was definitely a way more positive way of thinking about it. See, this is why he kept Jack around. Brennen felt himself smile and nod towards the laptop. 

The process seemed almost expedited, after that. As long as Brennen could remember that perspective, and keep his mind from wandering _too far_ , he could take Jack's advice pretty well. He surprised himself with how decisive he could be with design ideas. He'd have to run some of it by Colby, but honestly he was excited to. And nervous. Sort of. _Mostly_ excited, for sure. But that flittering prickle simmered just within noticing range, not enough to overbear the process, but it was there, at the periphery.

When they'd done the calendar before, it was just as friends, just for fun. But now it was different. Not in a bad way, not at all. He just felt some...additional pressure to make everything right. It wasn't until Jack got up to take his leave that the fluttering nervousness exploded into the same juddering anxiety he'd attempted - _failed,_ apparently - to wrangle that morning.

"H-hey!" He half yelled, as Jack reached for the door. He looked back, bemused. 

"Hello?"

How was he even going to start with this? Jack's handle on it really had given him some clarity, some security, but he was less than excited about trying to parse through everything - the list, his mind, _everything_ \- on his own. He needed more space, more direction. 

What he needed to do, what he _knew_ he needed to do, was ask for it; for advice or a confidante or whatever -- to just air all of this out because this whole _'treating himself like a friend'_ thing was new. This was all new territory for him. And it just, it felt more vital than ever to not fuck up, but Fucking Up™ was his specialty.

But Jack had been through this before, and he really did trust him as a friend, and he _really_ couldn't think of a more neutral party to get all of this out to. Instead of that, it came out as a strained and pitchy

"H-how do you...how do you take, like...b-being gay?"

Jack's eyebrows shot up, a smirk on his lips. "Up the ass. How do you take it?"

Brennen could feel the blush burning his ears. "I'm not gay." he whispered.

"Oh?" Jack sat his bag back down.

"I...I guess just...how do you manage coming out and relationships and like…?” He tried to gesture his predicament but he couldn’t quite get it across “I feel like I have to learn how to relive my life now. Just more like myself, but I don't even really know what that means or, like...how to even find out?"

Jack gave a hum, nodding and taking a step towards Brennen. "You wanna flesh it out a little more?"

Brennen nodded.

They took up their seats on the couch again and Jack helped Brennen figure out where he was stuck, where he was going the right way and where he should tread more lightly, more carefully. Of course, some things Jack couldn't figure out _for_ him but at least he knew where to start asking himself more questions and exploring more mindfully. When he left, Brennen felt tons lighter, the flittering quieted. He almost wanted to lay back and just marinate in the bliss of having an accomplished day and the clear space to enjoy it, but his phone read 6:17 PM and he had _plans._

He grinned at his phone and got up to go change. He's got this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will be posting several chapters in the next week, so this ball will keep rolling. Thank you everyone who stuck around and read through so far and everyone that has commented and left kudos, y'all are keeping be alive here.


	14. Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brennen tries to rush, Colby won't let him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, this was supposed to be a pretty brief chapter but ended up being 20 pages (this entire story was supposed to be a one-shot, lol). So I split it into two. I wrote it in a series of brain-dumps, it is not edited, and nothing I write will ever be betad. I apologize in advance for the mess - enjoy.

Half an hour later, Brennen was in his room, by the stand-up mirror, debating two pairs of shoes. Custom Air-Force One’s or leather healed boots? Quite the dilemma. The sharp two-tone jingle of his doorbell had a smile spread across his face as he made his way back to the door. He felt wildly lighter than he had, making that walk just that morning.

He flung the door open, Colby beaming at him. “Sup.” He had a bottle of Jack in one hand and a two-liter of Coke in the other, White Claws and a bag by his feet. He held them up, like awards.

Brennen cracked a laugh. “Yeah, sure, try to play it cool.” He grabbed Colby up into a hug.

Colby squeezed him back, and released. He smelled...not like his usual self, but good. Really good, it suited him. “New cologne?” Brennen posed.

“Mhmm.” Colby waggled his eyebrows, perfect fucking eyebrows. “You noticed?”

Brennen nodded and made space for him to enter the apartment, more dazzling than Colby had ever seen it. “I like it, it smells -”

“Holy shit, you hire a maid?” Colby scoffed.

“Can’t hire maids, I’m Mexican. That’s reverse racism.” He joked.

Colby couldn’t stifle the laugh. “You’re fucked, dude.”

“You like it!” He teased back. 

“That makes literally no sense.”

Colby sat down the Jack Daniels and Coke bottles he’d brought, grabbing the box of white claws from the floor by the door, and setting it on a counter, his bag then, to the side. Brennen took a moment to gaze fondly at the box, a soft blush dusting his cheeks. 

“Drink then - drink and - dress - ready?” They asked each other. 

“So, yes.” Colby decided, smiling ear to ear. He made his way into the kitchen and made a very impressed face, turning back over his shoulder at Brennen. “Damn, dude, you really, like, _cleaned_ didn’t you?”. Brennen gave a self-satisfied nod.

Colby opened the cabinet, and pulled out two cups, quickly pouring them a mixed drink, minding the ratio. He had been made very aware at the cabin how strong he poured his whisky mixers.

He and Brennen had exactly one drink -- Brennen’s request at moderating his drinking -- caught up on their days, and decided to get dressed. Colby had brought a change of clothes in his bag, now on the bed, but couldn’t decide on a shirt and Brennen offered to let him borrow one of his, while Colby agreed to help him pick the right shoes and jacket in return.

Brennen found himself in front of the mirror again, staring at the shoes. Should he just scratch the whole outfit and start over? He turned to ask Colby to find him shirtless, looking through the closet across the room. 

His train of thought screeched to a halt, mouth running dry at the sight of Colby’s back, the pale skin over roped muscle, vein running down his arm, fingers grasping the shirt he’d worn over. Fuck, Brennen wanted to run his fingers through that hair and wrap an arm around him, pull him back and just grind against him, hear him grumble, and pant, and work his hips back, get him nice and worked up. His cock twitched with interest and he whipped back around, seeing his own flushed cheeks and widening pupils. 

_Reign it in, man, let him get dressed in peace._ He told himself, taking a deep breath. He pushed aside the shoes, and thoughts, and considered a different outfit. Definitely jeans, definitely a long-sleeve, but which -

“Yo, which one?” Colby asked from across the room. He hadn’t realized he’d been musing about clothes out loud until he was interrupted. 

Brennen turned around to see Colby, bare from the waist up, staring directly at him with those big, expectant blue eyes. Brennen suppressed the urge to lick...something.

He looked between the two shirts, then back to Brennen, who couldn’t help his gaze from getting a little stuck on the shape of Colby’s jaw and neck. God, he wanted to run his tongue across that pulse point, that little spot that had Colby writhing underneath him. They hadn’t had anything as intense as that morning up at the cabin, they’d played around here and there, but nothing _like that_. It was starting to get to him, the urges, the aches that he kept shoving down and forcing back. He was better than that, he knew he could be. He _knew_ it. 

“Brennen?” 

Brennen gulped. Fuck, he was still staring.

“Th-the left one.” Brennen managed.

Colby quirked a brow at him, looking at both shirts again, the lean muscle of his abs moving as he shifted his weight. “ _Your_ left or _my_ left?”

“Y-yeah...uh… _your_ left.” Brennen averted his gaze to the shirt on Colby’s left. Anything would look good on him, did it really matter which one he wore? As long as Brennen got to peel it off of him and feel the smooth, heated skin under it, run his fingertips over the goose-bumps and -

“See something you like?” Colby had a smug look on his face, eyes sparkling and darkened. He took a few steps towards Brennen and tossed the shirt on the bed that stood between the mirror and closet. His voice had dropped to a sweet, thick rumble, “Want a closer look?”

Brennen licked his lips, looking at Colby’s own. Soft, pink pillows, caught between teeth. He groaned, looked at his bedside clock and back to Colby. Responsible, better, he can _do this_.

“I-I...We don’t have time.”

Colby gave him a curious look but was far less than defeated, that mischief still twinkling. He gave a mock placating hum, and took a step closer to Brennen, starting to toe his personal space. Brennen’s fingers twitched, eyes on Colby’s.

“We don’t have time?” He asked, slowly, taking his time with each word. Enough to catch Brennen’s gaze, veiled heat, flicker from his eyes to his lips and back.

Colby stepped forward again. And Brennen maybe should have stepped back, he really should have, if he’d wanted to stay on his self-imposed good-behavior streak, if he’d wanted to get to this party on time. But he didn’t. His eyes dropped from Colby’s lips to the inked planes of his chest, daring down to his abs and then suddenly back up to Colby’s eyes.

He nodded. “We’re...we’re gonna be late.” His tone was low, hushed. Like if he spoke too loud he’d rattle himself, shake loose the control.

Colby pouted, and it hit Brennen low in his gut, how bad he wanted to take a step forward and feel those lips on his, run his hands over that bare skin, hear that god damn moan again, the one that kept him hooked, kept him parched for more. He sucked his teeth, feigning innocence. Brennen nearly laughed, Colby attempting to look innocent - didn’t matter if he’d never touched a soul in his life, he looked like sin and tasted like it too, and Brennen was being _so good_ at keeping his tongue to himself, taking it at an easy pace. 

Well, _easy_ wasn’t the right word. Admittedly, fighting old habits, and going at that pace had been...hard. Rough. It was fun, and safe, and tantalizing, and so, _so, good_. Still, he wanted to pick up the pace, and he didn’t know if that was exactly a smart move or not. He needed to take his time, and do this right. For Colby, for himself. Even just a repeat of the cabin session would probably do wonders to quench some of that desire that had been growling and threatening to scorch him. He needed _safe_ , but he wanted _faster_.

“So, we should be quick, then?” Colby mused, head tilted slightly.

Brennen cleared his throat.

“Getting dressed. We should be quick, getting dressed.” Colby clarified, grin widening as he eyed Brennen up and down, no attempt to veil his interest. 

Brennen felt himself swallow, mouth still too dry, too heated, parched, a soft ache opening up. He couldn’t help thinking how good it would feel to taste Colby, run his tongue across those sensitive nipples, nibble his way lower before swallowing him down. He didn’t have too much sober experience but he knew he could make Colby’s toes curl, make his legs shake - fucking hell, Taylor, _pull it together_.

“Yeah.” Brennen agreed, already sounding husky, throat nearly sore.

“You were gonna change, right?” Colby asked, wide smile and dark eyes boring into Brennen’s.

“Uh...y-yeah.” He toed out of his socks, awkwardly, as Colby watched him like he was prey. Colby made a soft, satisfied noise, that made Brennen’s cock twitch. He took a deep breath -- after the party, Colby’s sleeping over after the party and they can fool around then, but he is being responsible today, dammit. At least he told himself that. 

He looked up to find Colby making direct eye contact, fingers playing at his waistband.

_Oh, fuck._

Colby unbuttoned, keeping that curious, heated mischief in his gaze, never breaking Brennen’s own hungry regard. His fingers pulled slowly at the button, until it popped off, and unzipped slowly. Brennen’s own fingers twitched, he wanted that privilege. 

Colby hooked his thumbs into his waistband, under the boxers, and pushed down, just slightly, just enough to give Brennen a peak at the taut muscle, the sensitive skin, and fine, dark hair. Brennen’s gaze broke, giving Colby a slow once over, his tongue flicked out to wet his lips, that droughty need surging up at the sight. He pulled just a bit further, any lower and Brennen would see the base of his hardness, and stopped there.

With an amused hum, Colby pulled back up, grabbing at the waist of his jeans and peeling them off, leaving the boxer briefs on, eyes still on Brennen, smirk still on his lips. Brennen groaned, fingers occupying themselves at the hem of his own shirt. “Fuck, Colby.” 

Colby bit back the urge to tease him about that phrasing, and gestured to Brennen. “Well this isn’t fair, I’m half-way done changing and you’re still dressed.” He kept his tone low, teasing.

Brennen hesitated a moment, the air thick around them. He held onto the hem of his shirt and pulled it up, over his head, tossing it onto the bed. He met Colby’s gaze again and found heat, craving. Colby’s body almost slackened into an easier stance, still a bit wired, still ready to pounce. He felt blue eyes smoothe over his body, smirk loosening into an appeased grin. 

He fumbled with the button of his jeans under, wondered if Colby had been aching too, if he’d been struggling to keep the pace they’d set, teasing around edges and testing waters but never quite jumping in. Did he want what happened at the cabin? The heat, the intimacy, the need? Did he want more?

“Here, let me.” Colby’s voice sounded genuine, if not a little rough. He stepped into Brennen’s space and knelt, running his hands down Brennen’s abs, sending shivers down his spine, nipples already hardened. Brennen stared down into Colby’s eyes, as Colby pushed his hands away, one brushing over his cock. He let out a soft huff, breath picking up just enough to notice. Colby’s fingers took their time working off the button and zipper, thumb slipping under the denim to rub a single circle across the blue fabric underneath, teasing around Brennen’s hip. 

“Off.” It came as a whisper, but if it made Brennen’s cock twitch, he didn’t mind. Didn’t mind _at all_. The corner of his lips twitched up, as he grabbed at the denim carefully and pulled Brennen’s pants down, fighting the urge to yank the boxers down with and have a taste. Brennen stepped out of them easily, a hand coming to tentatively rest on his cheek. He’d been wondering. He didn’t want to pressure Brennen, or make him jump straight into everything, and he was doing such a good job of taking care of himself -- honestly, he was proud. He really was. He wanted to do something, give him something, make him feel good. That was at least part of it.

The other was part curiosity. He just wanted to know how it felt. He’d never given a blowjob, but fuck he wanted to try, and if anyone deserved a good sucking-off it was Brennen. He didn’t know if that was okay, though. Couldn’t tell exactly if he was okay with more than the kissing and touching and groping they’d had the few times since the cabin; or if he was ready for more. And if he was, how much more? He decided to test the waters, hooking a single finger under the band of Brennen’s boxers, opposite side from the hardening cock, and placed his lips to the skin there. 

Brennen sucked in a breath and let out a low groan, Colby’s name on his lips. He felt fingers run through his hair, and then suddenly he was being shoved back, Brennen on his knees over him, face cupped by strong hands. 

Maybe not all the way, but something had to give, and Brennen couldn’t deny nature its course. Colby braced his weight on a hand behind him, the other still in the air. Brennen’s knees bracketed his legs, one arm down for balance. The other pulled Colby to him roughly, kiss crash-landing. Colby pushed back into it, getting his bearings and letting his free hand grasp onto Brennen’s bicep, a tingle of want playing low in his belly again. He would never, _never_ get over that hard heat of Brennen on his hands, against him. 

Brennen shifted to balance on his knees and let his other hand come to the side of Colby’s neck, thumb stroking over his throat. Colby attempted to sit up, too, stroking across Brennen’s back, fingertips tracing his lines and curves. He finally broke the kiss, coming up for air. “Fuck, Brennen, please.” He didn’t even know what he was asking for - more? More contact, more kisses, more time?

“I didn’t know -” Brennen dipped in again, the hand in Colby’s hair gripping a little tighter, swallowing the rolling moan that escaped Colby. _God, yes,_ the sounds he made. Colby understood, he nodded gently, nails down Brennen’s back. “I didn’t...know...if you...if you wanted…” he managed between kisses, and groans.

“I want.” Colby breathed. The relief of that alone could have had Brennen shooting off. He slipped a hand down to palm at his cock through his rapidly tenting boxers, press it back into behaving, and returned the hand quickly to Colby’s waist. Colby pressed a hand to Brennen’s chest, feeling the low purr that slid out, and separated their lips for a moment. “Is that okay with you?”

Brennen nodded, “Yeah, that’s fine, that’s good. So good.” He dove back in, flicking his tongue against Colby’s lips. Colby opened up for him and they got lost in it, a layer deeper than they’d normally gone. Colby’s hands worked over Brennen’s torso, hands grabbing, pulling, nails scraping. Brennen leaned into it, trying to press closer. Colby pulled off again. “Do you?”

Brennen gave him a confused look. 

“Do you want too? If this isn’t okay -”

Brennen chuckled, “Holy fuck, _yes_ , Colby, I want. I fucking…” His nails scraped over Colby’s scalp, other coming up to thumb once over his nipple, bathing in the thickening heat that darkened across Colby’s face “I _want_.”

“Then why -”

Brennen shook his head, “I didn’t know if it was okay, what was okay to want and what I shouldn’t.”

Colby sighed but he wasn’t exasperated. He looked almost...admiring.

“I didn’t know - I _still_ don’t know what - what to - how to -”

Colby pushed up and kissed him. Once, soft, quick. “Just do what feels right, okay?”

Brennen nodded, kissing him back, a little harder, a little more demanding.

“Do what feels right, and, and if you get stuck, let me know.” 

Brennen gave a last nod before pulling Colby back to him. He dipped his head to the side and placed kisses along Colby’s jaw, his neck, tongue stroking over his pulse point and sucking in gently. The broken stuttered moan, throaty, needy, had Brennen’s cock leaking. He palmed it down again, groaning from the little morsel of relief that the friction provided. “Is that okay?” He rumbled into Colby’s ear. He hadn't forgotten that Colby didn't really have much experience save Brennen and some dude at a club one time. "For you?"

“Oh my God, yes! So - so okay, so _fucking_ okay,” Colby writhed under his tongue, hips rocking subtly, nails digging harder. “Brennen, please, so, yes, okay."

Brennen smiled into the permission, some of the unpleasant nerves sublimating away and leaving space quickly filled with more want. He traced his fingers lightly over Colby's body, gingerly exploring while his tongue and lips and teeth worried Colby's neck, heat pooling as Colby rocked his hips up, clearly seeking out more contact.

The gnawing curiosity under Colby's skin had turned to nipping demand for more under Brennen's ministrations. He had one hand running anywhere on Brennen that he could reach and the other's thumb slipped under his waistband, teasing circles into the flesh there. Brennen groaned into his mouth, shifting, trying to get closer, get more contact without making the angles awkward. Well, more awkward than they already were.

With a huff, Colby broke off. "Fuck, c'mere." He shoved Brennen back, and before he had a moment to hesitate or overthink or clam up, he climbed into Brennen's lap, legs draped around, bodies flush together. He could feel Brennen twitch against his hip. He grabbed Brennen's face and sent his lips down, rolling his body until he could feel his own undeniable erection flush against Brennen's own straining interest, and ground down. Hard.

Brennen hissed, "Fuck, God, Colby," he muttered, wrapping an arm around Colby's waist and up to his shoulder, pulling him down again as he ground his hips up. They both moaned, lewd, and loud, and honest. He sent two more grinds upward, pulling Colby down against him, trying to convey somehow, mouth occupied, how badly he'd wanted, how much he needed this. Needed Colby pressed close, needed him wrapped around and fever hot and writhing in his arms.

"That feel good?" He managed, finally feeling a stroke of confidence. Colby nodded wordlessly, trying to press his hips harder. This was good, it was so good, but he needed more pressure, more friction, more of Brennen's hands on his body and Brennen's taste on his tongue.

It slid from there, back into the pressing, grinding, grasping heat that had warmed them once before, hands and lips and teeth everywhere they could reach without breaking touch too much. Brennen tried to stay present, stay in the moment and sink in all of the shivers and whines and moans of Colby moving against him, because of him, but his mind kept drifting to the nebulous ‘more’ he wanted. His fingers gripped into Colby’s hip, pulling him, keeping the pace, until Colby let out a choked groan through his teeth on Brennen’s neck.

He reached down, grabbing Brennen’s hand and placing it square on his ass. “You can feel me.” He purred, setting goosebumps alight on Brennen’s skin, “If you want to.” He placement was quick, but soft, his grasp gentle, giving Brennen space to move away if he didn’t want to. Instead, Brennen’s hand took a firm handful, cursing under his breath, other hand leaving Colby’s hand to join on the other side, because fuck, yeah, he _wanted to_. Brennen ground up harder, pulling Colby down with more force, the moan Colby let out burning hot into his memory, hiking up the fever. 

And holy shit, did Colby have a nice ass. In a moment of daring, or distraction, or just plain horniness, he slid a hand under the waistband to palm and knead the bare skin underneath. Colby let out a grunt, taking his tongue out of Brennen’s mouth and yanked his boxers down further.  
Brennen was shocked, frankly, at his ability to maintain eye contact and _not look down_. This was okay? This was okay. He swallowed thick, heavy, and took a single hand off of his ass to peel down his own boxers. 

Colby’s eyes, however, flickered down and back up, brows raised. “Fuck, Brennen.” Brennen felt the heat flush all the way up to his ears. He’d never had complaints before, compliments, even, but hearing it gravelly and wrecked, from Colby, had his heart blooming and his cock twitching.

“See something you like?” He teased, letting loose a smirk. Colby laughed, nodding. 

“Uh...yeah. See something I _want_.” Colby’s tongue peaking out to lick over his lips, taking another glance down. 

Brennen nearly growled, he could almost taste his confidence bolster.

“That okay?”

Brennen leaned up, placing a kiss, quick and hard, on Colby’s moistened lips. “Yeah, very okay.” He pulled Colby to him again, and ground up, shuddering at the feel of Colby, bare, against him. Colby pressed back, doubling the sensation, mouth falling open. He wrapped his arms around Brennen’s neck, resting his forehead against Brennen’s, and took a slow, careful roll up, dragging as far as he could within his range of motion. 

Brennen’s eyes shot open - when had he shut them? His hands squeezed against Colby’s ass. Colby dropped a hand from Brennen’s shoulders, reaching for a moment toward where they were pressed together. He felt Brennen nod quickly.

He wrapped a hand around them, as much as he could. In no world would it fit around the both of them and Brennen was definitely thicker than Colby. Brennen hissed at the contact, enough now, to start tugging at his control. His hips bucked up, letting out a shaky breath. They ground against each other, into Colby’s hand, one, two, three times, before the pace began to pick up, before Brennen’s nails were digging in and Colby was dropping soft little moans at each stroke. 

The desperation was starting to show, both rutting a bit sloppily into Colby’s hand, trying to balance and hold on at the same time, thighs burning from the effort. Their foreheads leaned together, eyes stuck to the sight below. “Brennen.” Colby breathed. Brennen ground a little harder, just to see if he could hear his name again. “Bed, Brennen, the bed” he rushed out. “I can’t - can’t keep up like this.” He fought down the urge to grip tighter and twist his wrist, to slide back completely and lick every drop of pre-cum off of Brennen’s length, rut into the floor till he fell apart, the pressure in his balls nagging him. 

Brennen looked to the bed and then back to Colby. Was he ready for that? Honestly? Yeah...yeah, he was. And Colby wanted to? Yeah...yeah, he did. He nodded, he could do this. “Bed.”


	15. Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brennen and Colby accidentally make Sam late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just 4k of smut, not edited, not betad. We die like men.

Brennen nodded, and planted his feet. In one quick motion, he lifted Colby, standing up and tossing him onto the bed. Before he could fully process the core strength alone necessary for that - which, _hot_ and _jealous_ \- Brennen was on top of him, dicks flush, olive hand wrapped tight. 

“I - oh fu-uck!”

Colby liked to think he was usually the one teasing his way into fooling around with Brennen, but he couldn’t deny the way feeling Brennen taking the lead sent tremors of pleasure through his body. 

Brennen, finally with gravity on his side, sunk his weight down, bracing the rest on one arm, and ground hard against Colby, holding them together. Colby’s back arched, hands shooting the Brennen’s hips, something to hold onto. 

“Oh, fuck, Brennen, yes.”

“Yeah?” He panted back, setting a quick pace, hips snapping.

“Yeah.”

His hand worked down, joining Brennen’s, giving their tips a squeeze with a flick and twist of the wrist.

“Oh, fuck, fuck, Colby, don’t.” Brennen grit out through clenched teeth, unprepared for the way that made his balls draw up tight. 

Colby let go, a cornered, if hazy, look in his eyes. 

“I-I can’t last if you...if you play with it like that.” Hips faltering.

Colby grinned, “What if I don’t want you to last?”

He froze completely, sinking into the dark heat in Colby’s eyes. Colby wrapped his fingers around them again, stroking, squeezing, twisting. Brennen moaned, rolling his hips against the motion, letting his own hand fall down. 

His fingers explored where he could, where he had the mental capacity to against the raw nerves Colby was working into bliss. Colby shifted his weight, giving Brennen access to his left ass cheek, much to Brennen’s appreciation. His hand went back to kneading, rubbing, tracing anywhere he could reach. His fingers traced over Colby’s balls, face buried in the crook of Colby’s neck, licking and nibbling to keep the pressure at bay. He slid down just a bit further, and pressed his thumb into the space between his balls and hole. Colby let out a low, shaken moan. 

“Shi-it” he sobbed, pushing down to get more pressure there. Brennen came up to look at his face, flushed, brows furrowed, lips bitten.

“You like that, baby?” It came as a growl that made Colby press down harder. He nodded frantically.

Brennen pressed up again, rubbing circles as he regained the rhythm of his hips. Colby’s eyes rolled back, fluttering closed, hips trying to assist. 

“Thought you might.” He placed a kiss on Colby’s jaw.

“You...you thought about it?” Colby panted, between hisses and whines..

“Yeah, duh.” Brennen managed.

“Like you _jerked off_ about it?”

Brennen nodded.

“What part?” Colby returned, almost immediately.

“What, like...in - in detail?” Brennen let out a groan after, as Colby’s hand flicked over the head again.

“Mhmm.”

He could either clam up now, or he could explain to Colby in detail about what he jerks off over, and frankly, if that’s what Colby wants, he’s gonna get it.

“Y-your lips.”

Colby managed a twitch up, to place a kiss on Brennen’s jaw. 

“Your, fuck, Colby,” He bucked up, hard, “your, the- the sounds you make.”

Colby chuckled, twisting his wrist at the top each stroke, sending Brennen reeling. He wanted to play, Brennen could play. He widened the circles, to tease around the rim of his hole. Colby nearly gagged on the pleasure, the sensitivity.

“Fuck, please, Brennen, please.” 

Brennen hissed, pressing a little harder at the rim, then went back to circling, pressing. 

“The way you get needy.” Brennen let his eyes meet Colby’s and the look of shock, and ache, and pleasure, it, it fucking _did something_ for him; something deep, and rough, and primal. He held the eye contact, letting his thumb press against Colby’s hole, a knuckle digging into the spot above. He sunk his weight lower to keep Colby pinned to the bed as he tried to arch into it. “Giving you what you need.”

Colby’s mouth opened and closed like he had something to say, but couldn’t get it out. Instead, he squeezed his eyes shut, tossed his head, and held their cocks tighter, stroking faster, thumb flitting over Brennen’s slit to drag through the pre-cum, keep the slide slick. 

“Fucking, fuck, Brennen, that’s so - fuck.” He wanted more, wanted to feel Brennen slip in. Just a little, just to feel, just to feel the stretch, feel him against that spot he’s teasing so _viciously_ from not quite close enough, feel him _inside_. Somewhere on the tail-end of another maddening wave of pleasure, Colby felt a shudder run through him, and took his hand out of Brennen’s hair, to grab his wrist.

Brennen looked up with a curious gaze, jade eyes still heated. “C-can...if, if it’s okay…”

“If what’s okay?” Fuck, his voice was rough.

“Do you have, like…” Colby’s eyes shot down and then back up the meet Brennen’s, cheeks flushed, “...do you have lube?”

Brennen’s brows raised. Holy...holy fuck. They’re doing this. Okay...okay, yeah, he can do this. He can _totally_ do this. He can totally do _Colby_. His cock was clearly down with it. Had been for a while. He'd realized his heart was too.

“It’s okay, it’s totally fine if not, bro, I don’t wanna -”

Brennen realized he’d just been staring, hands completely still, eyes wide, lips parted. “Y-yeah, no, no, yes. _Yes_.”

Colby chuckled, “You want to uh...wanna translate that or…?” His breath was still heavy, hips rolling just barely to press down where Brennen was touching. Brennen pressed harder, groaning as he watched Colby’s focus falter. Fuck, he wanted more of that. Make him slip, take him apart, make his struggle a little, a lot. And Colby was _literally_ asking him to do that right now, holy shit, Taylor, snap out of it!

“I have, yeah, I have uh...yeah.” Brennen muttered, crawling up the bed, to rifle around in one of his nightstand drawers. He’d gotten a sample bottle from a sponsor some months ago, but hadn’t really opened it. Colby had let his own cock slip loose from his grip, still wrapped around Brennen, and tried not to writhe under the loss of contact. “It’s in...I have it, it’s in one of the drawers, I just - oh, f-fuck.”

Sudden _hotslickgoodwetfuck_ absolutely derailed whatever Brennen was rambling about. Colby had shifted down, lapping a long lick up Brennen’s cock, to close his lips around the head and _suck_.

“Jesus, fuck, Colby, what -”

Colby moaned, rattling Brennen’s sanity. He was salty, slightly, heady, but not bad. Not bad at all. He liked it, the feeling of the weight and heat in his mouth, the drop of pre-cum that slipped out. Colby flicked his tongue curiously over the slit, and let his hand stroke a few times. Brennen braced his weight on the headboard with one hand, other frantically grasping for the lube. 

“Colby, fuck, fuck, s-stop, stop, I can’t -”

Colby let his head loose with a lewd _pop_. “But you taste so good.” He purred, eyes twinkling and lips wet. Brennen had to forcibly remove his eyes from the image of his cock resting on Colby’s swollen lips. He pulled to bottle from the drawer, ready to get back to what they were doing -- which would definitely have him lasting longer than having this Blue Eyed Pink Lipped Brat sucking on him like he’s candy, but god _damn_ he’d love to melt in his mouth -- when Colby’s tongue dragged across the sensitive spot just under the head again. His eyes fluttered shut, lower abs clenching tight as something scalding coiled tighter in him.

“I - I can’t, please, I - please.” And Brennen may well have lost his mind because who the hell asks, _begs_ for a blowjob to stop?

With a hum of faux-disappointment, Colby gave the tip and kiss and let go, but let his finger brush over Brennen’s balls as he made his way slowly back down. Brennen stopped to glare at him. “You’re a fucking handful, you know that?”

Colby wrapped his hand around Brennen and squeezed, twisting his wrist over the head. “Yeah, so are you.” He teased back. Brennen laughed, dropping down to kiss him, amused, appreciative. It was almost platonic in an odd way. Until Colby pressed back, demanding more. His tongue was between Colby’s lips promptly, tasting a bit of himself and feeling more leak out. 

He managed to pop the lid of the bottle and tip it to let it pour over his fingers - fuck the sheets, bedsheets are temporary, the prostate is forever. He snapped the bottle shut and tossed it aside, warming the lube on his fingers while the other hand explored whatever parts of Colby he could reach. He kissed his way from lips, to jaw, to neck, licking over nipples and nibbling down abs, sucking at the hollow of his hip, and lapping over the exposed tip of Colby’s cock, until he was in between Colby’s legs, nudging his knees up and further open. Yeah, this would probably have been easier if he’d waited to lube up his right hand, but in his defense, he wasn’t in the headspace for clear sequential ordering. 

He used his dry hand to squeeze a handful of Colby’s ass, separating the cheeks a bit. “You ever…?” He asked.

Colby looked down, palming and slowly stroking his cock, leaking onto his abs. He shook his head ‘no’. Brennen couldn’t help but feel a smile blossom from his chest. He couldn’t really help the pride and appreciation he felt being the first. And honestly, Colby had a pretty cute hole, he had to admit. He pressed kisses soft along the flesh until his lips were over the hole. He dared a lick, relishing in the way Colby moaned and jolted. _Sensitive_. Good.

He teased and licked and lapped until Colby was writhing, open-mouth panting, and holding his cock tight, Brennen rolling his own hips against the mounded sheets for whatever relief he could manage. He let a lubed finger replace his tongue, pressing and tracing around the rim, mouth moving up to nose and lick at Colby’s balls.

“Brennen, fuck, please. _Please_ ” Colby gritted. This was stifling, suffocating. He needed more, needed to do something with his mouth other than bite his lips and beg, more with his hands than squeeze back the urge to cum from teasing alone, needed heat and friction on his bare skin, needed Brennen on top of him and _inside_ , or, or he could explode, lose his fucking mind. 

Brennen smiled, and pressed, letting the tip of his index finger slip in past the resistance. And fuck, was Colby tight. His cock twitched, strained, god, how would that feel around him? He rolled his hips harder, kissing and biting at the skin around Colby’s cock, down to his thighs, kissing the accessible parts of his ass. He felt Colby take a deep, shaking breath, and make an effort to relax. As he felt some ease, he pressed further, slowly, in, until he was in half-way.

Colby hissed, but his face was full of ease and enjoyment, some relief from the searing heat. Some, not enough, but some. It gave Brennen some relief at the sight. The burn was there, a bit, but it was more of something to notice, and he found himself wiggling down a bit, trying to non-verbally urge Brennen on. Brennen placed a soft kiss on pale skin and pressed his finger in the rest of the way. Colby let out a sigh, feeling Brennen’s knuckles against him.

“Good?”

He nodded, “Uh-huh...n-not like I...not like I imagined.”

Brennen moaned, “You imagined this?”

He nodded again, “Mhmm, it feels… _so_ much better.”

A smile, one of genuine pride, spread across Brennen’s lips as he pulled back just a bit, and pressed in again. He worked in small motions until he could feel Colby relax fully -- or as much as he could, given the way his body was begging for more -- and slide in and out with relative ease, drag across the walls inside, explore. Brennen pressed his hips down hard against the edge of the bed, and pulled his finger almost all the way out, just as Colby began to squirm again, pant a little harder. He pressed a second finger up to the slick rim, and pushed.

“Oh, fuck, please, yes…” Colby purred, tossing his head. Brennen huffed a laugh, sucking a hickey into the crease between Colby’s thigh and ass, and pushed in, just enough to get both tips past the tight ring of muscle. Colby nearly sobbed at the stretch. It was _good_. He’d worried about the stretch, the burn, heard a few not-so-pleasant stories but right now all he could think about was the intolerable tease of Brennen so carefully working him open, playing inside of him.

Brennen pressed until both fingers were in up to the knuckle and began to hook, twist, scissor his fingers, feel around inside of Colby. Fuck, he could lay like this for days, just driving both Colby and himself absolutely mad with need, but they didn’t have time, and he wanted to _play_. He dragged his tongue across Colby’s balls, one hand pressing Colby’s hip down to the bed while his fingers pressed in and up, circling, searching.

“What are you - o-oh fuck, _fuck_!” Colby nearly shouted, sobbed, hips jerking as far as they could against the pressure..

 _Found it._ Brennen smirked, and dragged again against the spot; Colby gagged on the moan caught in his throat. White-hot pleasure shot up his spine, twisting in his gut and blooming high in his chest. “Oh, f-fu - Brennen, don’t - don’t stop, please, again, please.” He was rambling and he could not be bothered to give a fuck.

Brennen sucked a tight ball into his mouth, stroking with his tongue while his fingers worked on Colby. He found that strokes across had Colby’s abs tensing and mouth foul, but massaging, pressing right against that sweet little spot had his legs shaking, hips jerking, and sounds straight-up lewd.

“I-I, oh my, oh my god, Brennen, Brennen _please_ ” He panted, sobbed, one hand reaching down to grasp at Brennen’s hair and the other, heel pressed to his forehead, eyes shut tight, nearly pulling out his own hair. This was so much, so good, so _fucking good_ , it was impossible. It didn’t make sense, and it was driving him absolutely crazy how badly he wanted it to never stop, but desperately needed to cum.

Brennen set a rhythm, one hand going down to squeeze his cock, give him something to fuck into, while his fingers stroked and pressed into Colby’s prostate. The friction was categorically exquisite, and he couldn’t stop if he wanted to, hips rocking while he attempted to balance his weight and keep up with his fingers. 

Colby writhed, shuddered, tensed, struggling through the pleasure, cock leaking puddles onto his abs, breath becoming tight, and shallow. It was getting intense, hazy, spreading him thin until he was ready to break. He was ready to beg, plead, for just a little bit more, but he couldn’t manage words, couldn’t move his hands to grab his cock and give himself maybe three strokes he could handle before erupting.

He forced himself to take a deep breath, swallowing heavy. The oxygen set his nerves alight, the space cleared filled immediately with more, the sensation seeping into the corners shut off tight. He tossed his head, and shook. 

Brennen’s hips snapped into his hand, fingers fucking into Colby hard, dragging across and pressing back into that maddening little spot, until his hips stuttered and he could feel himself losing control. But he needed -- he needed Colby to cum. Needed to make him fall apart, to take him apart in his hands, on his mouth. He pressed a third finger to the rim, and looked up to Colby for consent. Three was a lot. Especially with such little experience, and as much as he wanted to absolutely ruin the gorgeous man above him, fuck him right out, he needed to know it was okay. 

Colby pressed his hips down onto the finger, whining. Brennen took that as a ‘yes’, and pressed in, twisting over the spot, and dragging back out. Colby damn near lost his mind, head coming off the pillow from the clench of his abs, “Brnn, fu-fuck, yeh, yes, yes, hrng”. Yeah, he was losing it. He didn’t care.

Brennen smiled, panting as his tongue licked up Colby’s shaft, twisting and dragging, grinding and rutting, “Yeah? You like it like that?”

“Uh...uh-huh” Colby managed, hips rolling back into the strokes.

“Like it when I touch you like that?”

“Mhmm.” He squeeked, as Brennen dragged down, and fucked back into him _hard_ and god he was so sensitive, it was so much, so fucking much but so fucking good and - no, nonono, what the fuck? He stopped, why did he -

Someone’s phone was ringing on the bed. Before his could open his eyes to glare hatred at the accursed device, Brennen had swiped ‘decline’ and dragged over that fucking blessed nerve-bundle again. His back arched, pressing it harder, cock twitching and leaking.

Brennen slipped up and licked over the slit, lapping up where his cock weeped for attention.

“Bre-Brenn, h-h-- I-I ca- I ca-” He couldn’t even get the words out but if he didn’t cum _now_ he was going to fucking die. 

He felt Brennen hum around his cock, tongue leaving the tip, much to his chagrin. 

“You need it, baby? You close?” His fingers just kept on dragging, pressing, stretching, he could hear the strain in his voice, the gravel and heat and _ache_. His eyes shot open and the sight of it -

Brennen’s eyes locked on his, tongue lapping the side of his shaft, veins strong on the forearm he could only partially see, but hot damn could he feel the sinful things it was doing, eyes dark, and demanding, strong hand wrapped around a thick, straining cock that Colby nearly gagged for with _want_. He couldn’t look away, he just couldn’t.

The phone rang again and Brennen pushed a leg out, kicking it clear off the bed, returning his balance on his knees and stroking his cock. He was struggling to keep it slow, hold it back until Colby was done.

“Brenn’n….” Fuck he sounded so wrecked.

“Colby?” and god did the sound of his name on those lips fuck him right up.

“Please.”

Brennen crawled on his knees just a bit closer, slowly pulling his fingers out.

“N-no, nn, mm- fuck, don’t -”

“Trust me.” And that, that was a command.

Colby looked down at his blearily, until Brennen had his hands on his hips, shifting his weight back until he leaned against the headboard, almost sitting up. And then Brennen was in his space, tongue in his mouth, fingers up his ass, hand in his hair, holding him there, caging him in, giving him what he needed and taking what he gave. He could cry. 

Brennen sat on his heels, kneeling just next to Colby, while he leaned over to work him wild. The hand in his hair dropped to his nipples to tease, other hand reaching for his prostate as Colby rolled his hips down, trying to help. Colby had one hand behind his neck, keeping him close, the other shooting down to squeeze and stroke at that fucking delicious cock -- if he couldn’t have it cum _in_ him, he could have it cum _for_ him.

The phone rang again and Brennen fucking growled. His fingers dug in deep, pressing right up against that spot, and fucked. Colby’s body tensed, he was right there, right on the edge, and he needed it, fuck he could taste it, he needed it so bad. Brennen was relentless, hitting the spot on every stroke, mouth moving to suck and worry at his neck, hand pulling just enough to hurt _so damn good_ on his hair and he couldn’t, he couldn’t-

“Bren-Brenn...I, I - oh, fuck, oh, fuck, I-”

“I know, baby, I know” Brennen cooed, and fuck that dark, teasing, sweet, heated tone.

He could feel it bubbling up, the pressure high in his chest, suffocating him, the fire was fanned and scalding, and could only manage to groan, and hold on tight.

Brennen could feel it, the tensing, feel it around his fingers, around his cock, feeling his tremble and struggle and ache for it, and he just needed that one push, needed to tip Colby over.

“Colby.” He growled it into his ear, pulling his close by the hair, fingers fucking in just a hair harder, and sliding to grasp his about the neck. No pressure, no squeezing, just holding. Colby opened his eyes, bleary, wattery, pupils blown wide, lip caught between teeth. He was hanging by a thread,so tight he could shatter. His face was somewhere between _help_ and _how could you_. He couldn’t fathom it, how fucking good it was, and he couldn’t handle it anymore. “Cum for me.”

And that was it. He was done. He felt the heat in Brennen’s eyes, the gravel in his voice shiver down his spine and shatter him. His eyes squeezed shut, back arching, white light bursting behind his eyes. The pleasure tore through him, pressure shook him from the inside, seared every raw nerve. The tension hitting a peak and he might have blacked out for a moment, silent scream caught in his throat while the tension broke and the relief washed over him as he painted his abs white. 

Brennen watched in reverence. Holy _fuck_ , it was hot, watching Colby fall apart, making him lose it, body shaking, hand vice-tight around his cock, the moan that finally escaped rung of pure sex. He pulled Colby as close as he could, holding him, trying to hold and soothe him through it, tried to slide easily into his grasp. But he couldn’t control it anymore, the unbearable need, hips snapping into Colby’s hand, shudders down his spine, flushed bare skin to his. His grip faltered, hips stuttered, eyes falling shut. He can’t, because Colby is digging into his back, and singing orgasm into his ear, and shaking apart in his grasp, and _cumming for him_. Because it's so much, its so, _so_ , too much, too good, too -

“Fuck, Colby, I-I -”

He grit his teeth, heat surging in a wave to consume him as his balls pulled up tighter, and he felt the tension shake out into cresting pleasure. He shot in heated ropes onto Colby’s thigh, floating down from that blissful peak, slumped against him, lips pressed to the top of Colby’s head where he was tucked into the crook of Brennen’s neck. He wiped his hand on the sheet and pulled Colby totally against him, still shaking slightly.

After several indeterminate moments, Colby groaned, nuzzling into Brennen’s chest. 

“Holy shit.”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah.”

They laughed, and would’ve lolled about until sleep took them, until a banging at the front door jarred them.

“Dude, people cannot leave us alone!” Colby groaned.

“For real.”

The banging picked up again.

With a huff, Brennen hopped off the bed, pulling on his boxers and jeans, hissing at the sensitivity and tossed Colby a towel. He stalked to the door, because who _the fuck_ had the nerve to -

“Sam?”

Sam pressed past him into the apartment.

“You guys ready to go? I’ve been waiting half an hour!”

Fuck, he seemed annoyed. Well so was Brennen, it’s not exactly polite to just barge into - oh fuck, the party!

He stopped in his tracks, eyes shooting to the bedroom door, then back to Sam. Sam turned making his way to the door.

“W-wait, n- I, I need a minute to uh...to get dressed.”

Sam rolled his eyes, “A minute? You’ve had all day.”

Brennen gestured to his bare torso, feeling suddenly conscious of the scratches on his back.

“I can’t go like this.”

Sam simply tossed him a look and continued to the bedroom, tossing the door open.

“Sam, w-”

And there was Colby, fully clothed, hair barely mussed, sitting on the edge of the bed, looking almost casual. He was on his phone, cheeks a bit flushed. The wet spots on the bed, lube, towel, were covered with a blanket, on top of which sat Brennen’s shirt.

Sam gave him an incredulous look and scoffed. “You ready?”

Colby smiled and nodded. “Yup. Brennen, you wanna finish changing?”

Brennen just balked. How? _How?!_ He managed to pick his jaw up from the floor and step into the room. He walked past Colby, tossing him an outright perplexed look, and gingerly picked up the shirt. 

Colby exited the room with Sam. “I’ll give you some privacy”. Sam laughed.

He finished dressing, fixing his hair as much as he could, washing his hands, and joining them in the living room. They were already stood by the door. He floated in a haze down to the car, trying to process how Colby could have possibly, in the time given -

Turning down the road, Sam piped up. “If y’all are gonna fuck, fuck earlier please. I’m not being late to shit just because Colby is hoeing again.”

Brennen flushed, Colby smirked.

“Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one hour, phew! This is not the end of the story, I got a few more chapters, but we're starting to wrap up.


	16. sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Colby had a rough time, Brennen is amused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen it's been...an absolute shit-storm of a year. So fuck a posting schedule, I will get to it when the universe allows.
> 
> cw: alcohol, referenced drug use, sexual confusion

They’d stopped to pick up Jake, Tara, and Brennen’s Jake on the way, all smashed into Kat’s car that Sam was borrowing - she'd arrived earlier. They passed around a weed pen, taking shots from a water bottle until they arrived at the party. He was sort of squished, but it wasn't too bad. He definitely didn't mind being pressed against Brennen's bicep. The split second they made it through the door, Sam scanned the crowded room with his ‘Kat Radar’ and sliced through the buzzed and bumping masses toward pale-blue hair. Colby just chuckled, shrugging and turning to Brennen.

“Eager, that one.”

Brennen scoffed, “Yup...drinks?”

“Yup.” They peeked around for a moment until they found the kitchen, bottles of generic store-brand liquor abundant on the far counter, and made their way over _swiftly_.

Colby let Brennen step ahead of him, leading the way. For one, he was a bit broader and it just made it easier to get past people. For the other, he needed to discreetly adjust his boxers, as they were wedgied up and rubbing him in a way that was both mildly arousing and deeply irritating. He swore under his breath, unable to adjust discreetly. 

“Yo, I’m gunna-” He nodded toward the bathroom. Brennen gave him a thumbs up and kept moving to the drinks.

Colby shut the bathroom door behind himself, and quickly dropped his pants. He pulled at his waistband, and grumbled. Backwards. He toed out of his shoes, and pulled off his pants and boxers to turn them around.

“Oh my Go-o-od!” This was not going well for him. A small pool of lube stained the crotch of his boxers. He tapped it gently with his finger, cringing at the sticky-slick fluid half-dried on. Yeah, no way he was gonna get through this party with used lube harassing his dick. Fuck that noise.

He groaned, turning the faucet on and going to pump soap onto the stain. Three pumps in he realized the soap dispenser was empty. He tossed the boxers aside, unscrewed the top, and tried to pour the remainder into the boxers. Naturally, it refused to pour, so he found himself grumbling obscenities and basically spanking the bottle, when someone knocked at the door.

“Gimme a minute!”

The muffled voice and music retorted something outside and he went promptly back to spanking the bottle. To be honest, his focus and problem-solving was fairly commendable for a half-fucked out half-drunk dilemma-stricken dude in a stranger’s bathroom. But now that there was someone at the door, he really had to prioritize time.

“Ho-okay, double task, Colby, double task.” If the lube was on his boxers it probably got there from his butthole. He balled up a bit of toilet paper and wiped a few times before realizing that _from_ his butthole probably meant from _inside_ his butthole. Because why not?

He could almost laugh, at the sheer magnitude of this clusterfuck as the knocking on the door returned.

“Give me a fuckin’ minute!” He gritted, trying to get the paper ball at least partially up his own ass to hopefully absorb some of the lube. The sound was less than pleasant.

“Did you catch Hermione?” The voice behind the door demanded, or at least that’s what it sounded like over trap music, distant chatter, and sound blockage from the door itself.

“What? No! What even - give me a _fucking_ minute - holy shit!” He got some of the paper up where he needed it and deemed that ‘enough’. Some part of his brain figured it would have been much more pleasant if Brennen had done it but he was _not_ about to ask Brennen to stuff toilet paper quite literally up his ass hole. He took a deep breath.

“Did your rubber hatch in my knee, old knee? Rubber?” The voice insisted.

“For the love of -” He picked up the soap again and spanked it rapidly over the boxers, opening the medicine cabinet to see if there was anything to scoop it out with. He was _not_ going commando near Brennen and in public, that was just asking for disaster. 

The door jarred again “Old knee, rubber, doo-doo hear kelp?” 

He rolled his eyes and resisted the urge to rip the door open and tell off the aggressor but resorted to “Either give me a fucking minute or shit literally where you are standing, the bathroom is goddamn occup-”

The door opened - why didn’t he lock it?! 

Brennen just stared at him in amazement, as the remainder of the soap slid out with a squelching _plop_ onto his boxers.

He opened his mouth to speak but his eyebrows said everything. 

“Don’t - don’t ask, just shut the door.” They were well past embarrassment at this point.

Brennen stepped inside and sat down both of the red cups, brimming with dark fizzing liquid. 

“Colby, what the fuck happened?”

Colby shook his head, and pulled the boxers out of the sink, wiping them off with a paper towel.

“My boxers were on backwards.”

Yeah, that would explain the open cabinet, and complete lack of clothing from the waist down, and open soap bottle. Makes _total_ sense.

Colby turned to get his pants, bending over, at this point only peripherally aware of the make-shift cotton-tail he appeared to have.

Brennen burst into laughter, “Holy shit, what the _fuck_ happened?” He flicked the tail.

Colby jerked upright and turned to face him, pink up to the ears.

“I am drunk, and low-key high, and I need help.” He seethed.

“Yeah, no shit.” He had managed to tamper down some of the laughing.

Colby gestured around wildly for a moment before his mouth caught up. “I had lube in my ass!”

Adds up.

Brennen just nodded for him to continue.

“And it was gonna be on my dick so I had to wash it and there’s no soap - well, there’s some soap - but it’s all sticky now, and I need help.”

At least that explained some of his magical re-dressing act back at the apartment - he hadn’t really cleaned up and dressed thoroughly, he just shoved himself into clothes and tried to act normal. Sounds about right for Colby. Brennen could accept that. It made Colby seem a lot more _human_ , and honestly, he liked feeling like he was the one helping and not the one completely floundering for once. He just sighed, absolute adoration plastered across his grin. Fuck, what an adorable nightmare Colby was when he was flustered. He shoved down the part of him that wanted to see him helpless and flustered more often.

“Okay, so you can take my boxers, and clean up your ass, and then we’re good.”

Colby mulled it over for a second, tilting his head side to side and agreed. “Okay, boxers.”

Brennen turned, locked the door - Thank God - and undid his belt, stepping out of his pants and then boxers, tossing them to Colby. Colby missed the catch, well distracted. 

“Damn, dude, still?”

Brennen snapped twice, “Shower _and_ a grower, focus up, dude.”

Colby met his eyes for a second, and then picked up the boxers, plucking the paper from his ass and flushing it before stepping into them while Brennen re-dressed. 

Colby eventually broke into a giggle that turned into full on laughter, screwing the soap back together and pouring mouth-wash over his hands to wash them.

“You’re a fucking psychopath, you know that?”

Colby grabbed one of the cups, tossing his boxers in the trash and heading out the door.

“Yeah, but you love me.” He teased

Brennen just nodded, biting his tongue and following him out.

They decidedly ignored the quizzical look from the guy going in after them, and made it into the party.

Half an hour later, Brennen was deep into a riveting round of King’s Cup with a group in the living room and Colby was in the kitchen, pouring himself another drink. He was waiting for Sam to call him over for the next round of beer pong, but set himself to chill in the corner and people-watch for a while.

Brennen’s boxers were definitely looser, but he tried to just attribute it to the fact they they were proper boxers, not briefs. And then his mind sort of...wandered. Because Brennen was wearing them and now he was wearing them so by the transitive property he had his dick on Brennen’s dick, and that just tail-spinned him back to their little session earlier. He crossed one leg over the other, focusing on nothing in particular while he just pondered it.

It was fun...it _was_ , he would definitely do it again, soon preferably. But now that he’d seen it, and it wasn’t like crazy big or anything, but three fingers felt like a whole fuckin’ lot, and he didn’t really know if he could handle Brennen’s whole cock. On one hand, people do it every day, right? He could manage it if he tried. Maybe it was sort of like how it was with women - if he was horny it just sort of loosened up a bit and made it easier? Was that even how it worked? Was it easier to take a massive shit when horny? He didn’t know. On the other hand, it was Brennen’s dick and he was down because it was Brennen’s. He trusted Brennen. He just didn’t know how reliable his asshole was. God, he wished there was a way to just ask somebody without it being horribly awkward and weird. 

He groaned into his drink, finishing off the last, when he felt a nudge at his side. 

“What’s up?” Chirped a chipper and inebriated Kat, Tara walking off to another room past her.

“Hmm, nothing, just chillin.”

She nodded, “You looked really, like, in your head. You okay?”

He smiled, “Oh yeah, yeah, I’m good, just like...thinking. Nothing bad.”

“Oh...okay. You sure?”

He mulled it over. Kat was like a sister to him at this point, well - not a sister. He wouldn’t talk to his sister about this, if he had one. But she was close and far enough, and she’d understand, right? Frankly, he’d shared a room, and then a wall with Sam for a long while and he _knew_ they’d ‘experimented’. He opened his mouth to start but didn’t really know where to begin.

“No judgement?”

Kat nodded, and moved past to his other side, pouring herself another drink and offering him one. He held his cup out while she poured.

“What’s up, bruthr?”

“How do you…” where the hell was he even going with this? _So you and Sam have done some butt stuff, I’ve figured. How exactly do you know when you’re ready for the ole cock up the ass?_ Yeah, no. He sighed.

“Hey, it’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it, we can -”

“No, no, I do. I just...I don’t know exactly how to...phrase it?” He had a golden opportunity for information here and he wasn’t letting it go.

“Okay well...start wherever.” She took a sip of her drink and leaned against the kitchen island to face him.

“I...okay, uh...okay.” He took a deep breath and nodded. _This party has already been an absolute clusterfuck, just fucking send it._ He told himself, steeled and as ready as he was gonna get. “How do you know...how do you know that you want Sam?” Anatomy first, right? That made sense, establish if it was a physiological thing - if it was, keep asking; if not, drop it.

“I mean...I just do? If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be with him.” She gave him a curious look.

Somewhere in the background, the King’s Cup round ended loudly, and the next round began.

“I mean like...oh god...I mean like...ya know.” He could feel how hard he was blushing, avidly avoiding eye contact.

“O-oh! Oh...like...physically?” Kat asked, a little lower.

Colby just nodded.

“I mean...I...I just sort of...know? Like...well I mean I assume you know how, like, female anatomy works.”

He nodded again. “Uh huh.”

“So...like that. If I may, why do you ask?” Always with the manners, this one.

Colby took a deep swig of his drink. “I...uh...I’m kinda...I’ve fooled around with this person, and I need to know how to tell if I’m ready like...well emotionally, yeah, I think I am but like...physically, I guess? This is so dumb, I shouldn’t be asking -”

“Oh you mean like _butt stuff_?” She asked far louder than he would’ve liked. Some chick by the refrigerator turned on her heels and exited the kitchen.

Colby groaned, looking up to the ceiling. What even was his life today? “Yeah, Kat...butt stuff.” He scrubbed his face with his free hand and took another _deep_ swig.

“So, what, you like, want Brennen to fuck your ass or something?”

He choked on his drink, coughing a fit and wiping his mouth. “Jesus fuckin’ Christ, Kat!”

She pat his shoulder, “No, I mean it’s fine! That’s totally fine, dude, I figured if it wasn’t Sam it’d be someone close.”

He just balked “What do you - what? Are you...what? Sam?!”

She just shrugged. 

“That was _one time_! It was a fucking _prank_ ”

“It was more than once and you know it. I don’t care, you do you. Just uh...prep. Ya know?”

He gave her an incredulous look. She knew? She just knew, and she was cool with it? Did Sam tell her? Or Jake? Did Jake even remember? Holy shit this was getting out of hand. He just wanted Brennen to absolutely finesse his prostate in peace and private quiet without hyper friends and lubey-boxers and borderline-husbands and soapless soap and loud Canadians putting him on blast. Can he just live his life?

“Prep...like...wash?”

She nodded cheerfully, putting her cup down. “Yeah, wash and...prep, like...like stretch, kinda.”

“Okay.” He tried not to think about how it felt, Brennen stretching him, that delicious burn that hurt just right. He tried not to, but his ass made no such effort. God damn, alcohol, he just wanted to go home and get back at it with Brennen, fuckin’ boxers rubbing everywhere. Angry horny, he was _angry horny_ , just pissed at what? His own horniness? He didn’t know, and didn’t particularly give a shit, either, just knew nothing sounded better than going home, ordering food, and fooling around with Brennen till it arrived. 

“There’s stuff online, you can look it up - like, how to prep and know when you’re ready. It kind of depends on the size, though, Sam is -”

“Nope, no. I’m good, that’s...that’s fine, I - thank you, thank you for answering my-”

“‘Scuse me.” A sly and slightly drunk-flushed Brennen slurred and slid past him, going to the alcohol. “You guys doin’ arright?”

Speak of the devil and the devil shall appear; attempt to stop fantasizing about said devil mid-conversation, and apparently he appears drunk and handsome as ever.

“Y-yeah, good. Just catching up.” He nearly squeaked. Get it _together_ , man. He wasn’t normally this jarred by his own horniness, but this was new. He was like...hungry for it. Was he hungry or was his mouth just bored? Was his mouth _horny_? Is this what wanting to suck a dick felt like? So many questions, he had _so many questions_. He decided against asking Kat about that one. 

“Mkay, I’m goin’ round two on KC, you wanna come?”

“Kansas City?”

“No…” Brennen took a long drink, “...King’s Cup. You wanna?”

Kat agreed, just as Sam called Colby over to join him for beer pong outside. He shrugged and jerked his head toward the pong table. “I uh…”

“No worries, bruthr, next round.” He cheered his cup against Colby and followed Kat toward the living room, tossing him a wink that did so much more for Colby than it reasonably should have.

Colby wandered up to Sam and picked up a ball, setting his drink to the side.

“You ready for this?” Sam asked.

Finally, something he could reasonably manage. 

“God, yes. We're first?” He handed the other ball to Sam, who gave him a hum of positive affirmation.

"Cool." He squared off, tossed, and sunk it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is sort of part one of a two part chapter but I split it up into two, I'll post the next one...eventually. As always, comments fuel my, they feed my soul, they provide me with hand-sanitizer and toilet paper. Keep 'em comin'!


	17. seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brennen makes progress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An update? In reasonable time? Yes. Yes, indeed.

It was one of those games where it just went volley for volley and each team missed far more than they made. They'd already played one full game, and were on to the next round. Eventually, Sam and Colby had Jake and Jake down to three cups, four of their own still standing. Sam was rosey-cheeked, giggly, and swaying slightly, but his depth perception remained. Mostly. 

He lined up and tossed, the ball bouncing off the inside edge of the red cup, popping out and bouncing across the table. He launched himself forward, slapping the ball clean off the table as Jake [Webber] grasped for it too.

“Ha! Mine!” Sam cheered, teetering over to the pool into which the ball had rolled to scoop it out. He pawed at the water to coax it nearer. 

“Fuckin’ drunk ass.” Colby muttered, trying not to laugh too hard at his friend’s genuine efforts to win this game. He tried not to pay too much attention to the opened box of extra ping-pong balls on the corner of the table. Instead, he reached into the ‘bitch-cup’ to his right, and gave Brennen’s Jake a shrug. Sam came trotting back up, shaking to extra moisture off of his ball, only to drop it back in the water cup as Colby squared himself and sent his shot. It sank with a _plunk_ into the furthest cup. He stuck his hand out for a high-five with Sam.

They could win this, they definitely could. His head was a bit hazy, and his skin a bit heated, but he’d been successfully brushing off errant horny thoughts, and been in quite a good mood since the game started. Until some guy, hair dyed cherry-red, with matching lipstick, pulled the glass door open and beckoned to Brennen’s Jake. He gave them an apologetic look and stepped inside, for the guy to lean in a mumble something into his ear, pointing further into the party. Jake nodded and poked his head back outside, “Uh...be right back.”

“Aww, the fuck, man?” Sam lamented. Other Jake was too deep into a vape drag to really articulate any disapproval. 

The younger Taylor had already disappeared into the crowd for a few minutes when they decided to just go Sam vs Jake on the pong, see if they could finish up the match. Thus far, no progress but plenty of TikTok quotes and drunk stutters. Sam was that level of drunk-and-tired in which he just kept making dick-jokes. Colby was on his phone, drowning out thoughts of Kat's anal advice and Sam's phallic humor, when a tap on his shoulder jarred him.

“Yo, you back?” He turned to ask, the younger Taylor before him.

He looked somewhere between worried and exasperated. “Uh, Brennen was gonna crash with you, right?”

Colby put his phone away, brows knit together. “N-no, I mean, I was gonna crash at his, but why? What’s up?”

“He’s uh...You-you should...yeah.”

Yep, that’s a _perfectly comprehensible_ way to communicate a complex sentiment to a drunk person who's been trying to suppress the urge to suck a dick for the better part of an hour. 

“What?”

Jake turned to the door, and back to Colby, then gestured to the door vaguely. “Can you just…?

Colby cocked his head to the side, but agreed. Where was _this_ going? He wanted to let Sam know he’d be back in a minute but the pricking anxiety building in his gut suggested that maybe he’d be more than a minute. He followed Jake through the crowd and across the kitchen, opening a door he hadn’t noticed before. 

It looked different inside - fewer bottles on the counter, more people in the living room, music just a little louder. He spotted a few familiar faces, but kept his focus on following the younger Taylor.

Stairs lead down to a warmly lit, finished basement. From the top, he could see the corner of a foosball table, could hear some indistinguishable trap music bumping softly from the speakers. It probably sounded better at higher volumes; better, but not _good_ , he figured. 

“Brennen?” Jake called.

Some shout back in return echoed up the stairs, followed by a groan.

“So fuckin’ gross, what the fuck, Brennen?” Came a feminine voice, disembodied until a girl appeared from around the corner, holding a red solo cup and scowling. She was immaculately groomed, well dressed, makeup flawlessly applied around her frown as she shoved past Colby. He knocked against the wall and caught himself as she snorted and click-clacked back out into the kitchen. 

Colby took a breath, shaking off the _noticeably_ horrendous vibes, and followed Jake into the basement. There was a mess strewn about, nothing more than normal for a party, but there had definitely been a crowd down there, by the looks of it. He followed Jake’s gaze, into the open door of a tucked-away bathroom, to a pale and shirtless Brennen. He was leaned over the sink, face braced in his hands, water running. He did _not_ look well.

“Woah, dude, you okay?”

Brennen groaned, shaking his head. “Fuck, bro, ‘m sorry.”

“What? No, dude, it happens - don’t like, don’t stress.” Colby reassured. He was hardly the first person to get The Spins™.

Jake made a gesture like holding a cup and slid past, jogging back up the stairs.

Brennen belched, loud, and shivered. “ ‘m sorry, I don’...I don’ wanna fuck up your party, dude, go…” he forced up another burp “g’back upstairs.”

Colby wanted to laugh, but the ball of worry in his gut rolled thicker. “I..uh...Jake is getting water, I’m just gonna...uh…” He looked around and then decided with a shrug to sit on the carpet just outside the bathroom. 

His fall was interrupted by an errant shoe, discarded by the couch. With a shrug, he kicked his own shoes off - _yeah, definitely gonna be here for more than a minute_. 

Picking up the other pair, he placed both at the foot of the faux-leather couch, a jacket and bag already lumped onto one of the cushions.

Brennen scooped a bit of water into his mouth, and stood upright for a moment, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. He swished and spat it out. “ ‘M sorry.”

Colby sighed, shrugging out of his coat and tossing it up next to the bag, “Dude, don’t - it’s _fine_. This shit _happens_. You like barely ate today, and we’ve been drinking since the sun was up, and...yeah, man, it happens, you’re good.” 

He wanted to stand up and rub Brennen’s back, or play with his hair, or do _something_ to comfort him. It felt like...not like they’d been avoiding each other the whole party but just trying to not be stuck to each other’s side the whole time. He wanted to be back by his side. 

Brennen shook his head, and seemed to immediately regret the choice, nausea rolling in a rogue wave to toss and drag him. “Fu-”

He stumbled over to the toilet, vomit hitting the water before his knees could even get to the floor.

“Woah!” Colby popped up to his feet, feeling himself sway a little, but moving to sit by Brennen. He nearly slipped on the tee tossed on the ground, scooping it and tossing it back into the room, as he settled down to rub Brennen’s back.

But Brennen shook his head again, as Colby’s hand touched him. He shoved the hand away as another heave brought him fully to his knees.

He just wanted to help, to be there, make him feel better. He hadn’t seen him for most of the night, hadn’t really been able to enjoy the party with him, and he just wanted some...connection. But Brennen...Brennen, didn’t?

And Colby felt something in his gut drop, the lead balloon of worry turning to disquiet.

“Wh-”

He could see Brennen stop himself from shaking again, the hesitation of his hand, wavering in the air over Colby’s. The way he refused to look to his left, to meet his gaze, head tilted just enough away.

“ ‘M so sorry, dude.”

And then it hit him. Jake’s worry, and the perfect girl scowling up the stairs, the clothes on the couch. He hadn’t seen Brennen since he was in the kitchen, since before beer pong. The lead balloon sunk further. 

“I…” He dropped his hand, and scooted back. Brennen hiccuped. Then heaved.

“ ‘M sorry, you shou’ go back.” It warbled into the bowl, and rang in Colby’s ears.

Colby just stared at the side of Brennen’s head. He didn’t really have a right to be upset, or angry, or _jealous_. They hadn’t labeled anything, hadn’t talked about anything, they’d just been sort of fooling around, right? No one wanted anything serious, _right?_

So it was fine. It’s just drunk kids having fun, it’s no different than what he and Brennen had done, and there’s no judgement and it’s cool, it’s totally cool. It’s _fine_.

Except it wasn’t. Because he _was_ upset. Because Brennen was shoving him away and clearly wasn’t doing well, and he’d just been joking around with Sam, and worrying about this sleepover, and Brennen had been down there doing whatever with whoever, and -

“Was that Jasmine?”

Brennen took in a sharp breath, Colby could see him hold it. “Yeah.” 

A breath he hadn’t realized he himself had been holding rushed from him, he scrubbed a hand over his face.

“Shit.”

“Yeah.”

He turned, leaning his back against the wall. They were just below the kitchen, where the fuck was Jake?

“ ‘M sorry.”

Colby sighed. “No, dude, you’re...it’s fine.” _It’s not_. “You can do what you want, ya know? I don’t - I just wanna make sure you’re okay.”

Brennen made some odd jerk and huff. It wasn’t a heave, or a hiccup. He realized belatedly it was a laugh.

“Thas why ‘m sorry.”

Colby looked back at him. Brennen’s eyes were on his. They were red-rimmed, still just as jade as ever. Fuck, he needed a hug.

“What do you mean?”

He smiled at Colby, or at least his lips did. His eyes didn’t. He turned back to the bowl, no heave, just spit, then leaned back against the wall behind him, shoulder inches from Colby.

“B'cause this shit. B'cause I fuck… _everything_ up. I can’...I can’ go to a party wi’ you without fucking it up.”

The balloon hit the ground.

Colby’s hand twitched. He shoved it into his pocket. “What happened?”

“I dunno…” Brennen rubbed his eyes. “ was fine when like...even after the bathroom ‘n king’s cup…’n then like...I came down here with s’me guys to play foosball ‘n smoke ‘n shit.”

Colby shifted, squeezing his hand tight to his leg. “Sounds fine. You didn’t fuck anyth-”

“I _did_ because I…” he groaned “I always do.”

And that, right there, was some certified organic bullshit. Because he _really didn’t_ and Colby hated hearing him say that about himself. Because it wasn’t some flirty backhanded way to fish for a compliment - which he probably did out of self-loathing anyways. It wasn’t some depraved Gen-Z humor - though Brennen was technically a Millennial. He really thought that, really believed that, and it just made Colby want to grab him and shake him or something. 

“No, you fucking don’t, Brennen, stop it!” Because he deserved better than that, even if he did end up fooling around with his ex, or end up too drunk or too high or whatever. 

Brennen’s hand picked at the linoleum. He wanted to grab it, hold it, stop it. Stop the worry and the spins and the fucking hurt.

He turned, pivoted to get a better look at Brennen whose eyes were glued to the floor. “You don’t 'fuck up everything', you just make mistakes like a normal human being, and even if you did, like, fuck Jasmine or whatever - I don’t - I mean,” He ran his hands through his hair “ I _care_ but like, do what you want, you’re not - you - you’re not this fucking _plague_ that you think you are, man, you’re fuckin’ - fuck, dude, you…” 

He was not nearly sober enough for this. “...You’re the kind of person that makes me want to even bother with people. Like, I love alone time but you’re the kind of person that reminds me why people _like_ to be social, and not just like, fuckin’, bullshit social media Brennen, but just like, fuckin’ Brennen Brennen, so like, smoke and drink and fuck what you want, I...I care but, like, you’re not - you don’t - you’re a good thing, dude.”

The sound of scratching linoleum stopped. He put his hand over Brennen’s. Fuck it. “You’re _good_.”

Brennen’s lip caught between his teeth and now was _not_ a good time to think about sucking it. God, he needed to stop drinking tequila.

Brennen’s eyes finally met his, and then fell again to the floor. But his hand stayed. “I didn’…” it was a hoarse whisper, “I didn’ fuck Jasmine.”

He could almost hear the mental car-crash happening behind Colby’s face that did little to hide his confusion.

“What? Then what -”

“She fuckin’ came down while we were smoking ‘n I tried to be...be fuckin’ chill about it, ‘n then she just started getting fuckin’...just talking shit but, like, flirting ‘n I just, like…just the whole ‘you want me but you don’ deserve me shit’ ‘n I just...” He sighed, letting his head _thunk_ back against the wall. 

“I didn’t want to just up ‘n dip, or, like, be the guy that gets smoked out but can’t hang - but she was just, like, all over me ‘n fucking with me, ‘n I - I dunno, so I jus kept fuckin’ pouring drinks, ev’n after the weed was out ‘n, like…” He shook his head, less spin this time.

Colby squeezed his hand “...'n then people left...'n she stayed, 'n she was like, all on me, and I...I couldn’, like...I couldn’...”

Colby’s thumb stroked the back of Brennen’s hand. “Dude, Jasmine fuckin’ sucks, and anything that happened is on _her_. You didn’t do anything - well, maybe, like, don’t drink your feelings away, but like, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

Brennen’s hand flipped, lightly grasping Colby’s.

The balloon popped. Butterflies emerged.

“I couldn’ stop worrying abouchou, wh’n she was on me. ‘N I don’ wanna be this fucked up, I don’ wanna be this drunk, or this high, I don’ wanna hafta numb shit out, I don’ wan’ you to stop having a good time b’cause of me, ‘n I just...I couln’ stop thinking about you and...yeah” Brennen squeezed his hand, his voice sounded so… _lost_ and _sincere_. Colby’s cock twitched.

“Jesus, fuckin’ Christ.”

“ ‘M sorry.” Brennen shifted to pull his hand away, but Colby held onto it. Tight.

“No - no, not that. My - you’re fine, I’m not mad. Well, I’m mad at _her_ but like, you didn’t...you’re worried about me? I-I’m fine, and you won’t be this drunk forever. You won’t be this drunk in an hour. It’s _good_ you don’t want to numb shit out, but just know I’m not leaving anything good to be with you, _you’re_ good.”

Brennen nodded slowly, letting it marinate, no shudder or heave. 

“You focus on you, and your goals, ya know? Why worry about me?”

He shrugged. “Social shit c'n be a lot for you. 'nd you were alone up there. 'nd I didn’ wanna like...smother you, 'r be clingly, but like...when she was on me 'nd in my face, I just wanted it to be you. Not - not, like, not her on, not her being total ass to _you_ insteada me, but like you...on me...with me.”

Colby couldn’t help but laugh. “You had a person harassing you and you just wanted me on top of you?”

Brennen nodded. “Scorpio dick.”

Colby snorted, “Dude, I…” _I’m down, I am fucking down to get on top of you, you fuckin’ drunk, sexy, worrisome little_ \- “...okay, so how did you end up in here shirtless though?”

Brennen smiled. Then chuckled. “I called ‘er a crusty bitch ‘n threw up in her drink.”

“Oh my God! Brennen, what the - how did - you can aim your puke?!”

Brennen just shrugged. 

“How did the shirt come off?”

“Too drunk for clothes. It be like that sometimes.”

The man had a point. And for all of his nonsensical self-ideals, and questionable habits, and bizarre mantras, Colby had to admit that using projectile vomit to rid himself of a toxic person - and substance - and then immediately getting to a more comfortable state was a wildly efficient way to deal with that problem. Chaotic, sure, but admissible as self-care, and that was _progress_.

“I mean...yeah. You...you definitely did, like, the right thing. For sure.” 

Brennen slid down the wall until his head was in Colby’s lap, looking up at him, hand pinned to the wall, deeply uncomfortable and entirely unwilling to move.

“We should get you home.”

Brennen smiled, but shook his head. “Don’ wanna move.”

“Well we can’t stay here, we can go back to mine and have some food, and watch a movie till you sober up and you don’t have to move any more than that, okay?”

Brennen just grumbled. He wrapped an arm around Colby's legs. "You're so good. C'n I keep you?"

Colby laughed, "Yeah, you're good too. You can keep me. See?" He put his hand over Brennen's, on his leg, meeting that soft, warm gaze "All yours."

"Mine." His eyes shined.

"Yup."

Colby shook his leg, which shook Brennen’s head. “C’mon pukey, let’s go.”

"So I c'n stay with you?" He looked almost pleading.

Colby smiled down and the drunk fool in his lap, and _God_ , he wanted to kiss him. But not until he brushed his teeth. "I would love it if you stayed with me, babe."

"Hehe...babe."

"Is that okay?" It was a genuine question, but he posed it softly. At least tried to, while aching with hope that it was okay. Because he didn't really want to skirt around, and play it cool, and act like this was nothing, when he knew it wasn't nothing. It was something, and he knew it, and he knew Brennen knew it too. He just hoped that Brennen was okay with that. With 'babe'.

Brennen nodded, trying to nuzzle backwards further into Colby's lap, grinning like a satisfied cat. Colby shook his leg again, "Up and at 'em, then. Time to go."

With a huff, Brennen sat up and let Colby make his way to standing, reaching out a hand. Brennen grabbed it, and joined him.

“My place,” Colby turned to him, jade eyes smiling back at him, drunk, but genuine. His. “Okay, babe?”

“Okay, babe.”

_____________________________

Colby woke to a hand on his face. He peeled his eyes open, wincing slightly at the bright light of Netflix from across the room, volume low and humming.

“Mmm, what?”

“Your phone.” Brennen reached to the table and handed it to him. Colby swiped to answer.

“Yeah, hello?” He threaded his fingers through Brennen’s hair. 

“O-oh, uh...yeah leave it at the door, I’ll get it in a minute. Thanks.”

Brennen nuzzled further into his chest, legs pretzeled around his own under the throw blanket. He pressed up against Colby’s hand, placed on top of his head, nudging fingers to play with his hair again.

“I gotta get the food.”

“No.” It was muffled, but clear.

“Do you want the food or not?”

Brennen groaned. “I’m hungry.”

Colby chuckled, “Okay, then get up.”

With a huff, Brennen put both hands on either side of Colby’s body, propping himself up onto all fours to loom over him. Colby’s eyes couldn’t help but wander, across the planes of his chest, past those abs, to the promise hanging in sweats. He swallowed, and failed to convince himself that the urge to stuff his mouth was just for the food at the door. He slid back, avoiding Brennen’s knowing smirk, and rolled off of the couch.

“Yep, keep acting like I can’t tell. _That’s_ how you get what you want.” Brennen called after him.

“How would you know what I want?”

Brennen just laughed, “Because you keep staring at it.”

Colby muttered something weakly defensive under his breath, making quick work of food-retrieval and setting the bag onto the table.

They ate, paid scant attention to whatever had auto-played onto the screen, and both downed another glass of water.

Colby cleaned up, while Brennen lugged the blanket back into the bedroom and filled the glasses again.

He was sat on the bed, taking a sip when Colby came in. He closed the door behind him and sat his phone on the bedside table, crawling into the bed.The lights had already been turned off. 

“C’mere.” Brennen whispered, cup aside. Colby shimmied over, curling easily into Brennen’s grasp, head tucked into the crook of his neck, while his fingers traced idle circles on his chest as Brennen pulled the covers up. He wiggled in, just a bit closer. Brennen wrapped him up, close and tight and safe. Secure.

“I love you, dude.”

“I love you too, man. G’nite.”

“Night.”

“Wait, did we flush the toilet?”

“What?”

“In the basement, with the puke, did we flush the toilet?”

“Fuck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that was fun, for me at least. I'll post again when I can. I'm working on chapter 2 of Choices right now, as well. Check it out if you haven't already.


	18. eighteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brennen has concerns as Colby finds definitive proof that he is, at least, a little bit gay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy hell, okay. What a roller-coaster my mental state has been this month.
> 
> This is the last chapter, though I may add works in this universe. I am at a complete impasse with Choices and my entire ability to write smut has gone into this work. Sorry about that, I promise I will get to that one eventually.
> 
> As for this one - not beta', not edited. Just needed to get it out there so I can't ruminate like a perfectionist on it. I may go back and edit it for spelling and what not at a later time.

The moment the elevator door opened, Brennen was shoved out roughly, stumbling backwards into the hall. “Get in the fuckin’ house.”

Colby had been in a mood all day that had begun as small moments, lingering stares, grumbled curses, and had somehow over the course of lunch and a photoshoot escalated to...well, whatever the hell this was.’This’ being best described as ‘weird’.

“It’s an apartment?” Brennen posed.

Colby stepped out, moving behind Brennen to push him again. His hands traced up to Brennen’s shoulder and he squeezed, letting out a little grunt before shoving him again, towards Colby’s door.

“Fucking move!” Brennen took a few steps and then wheeled around, opening up to pose some sort of question except he didn’t exactly know what to ask.

Colby bit his lip, his eyes said ‘fuck me’ but the rest of his face clearly wanted to fight. “Don’t give me those fucking eyes, Taylor.”

Brennen scoffed. “Me? _Me?_ ” Colby just nodded, tongue popping out to wet his lips. His hands clenched into fists and then relaxed, fingers wiggling. “ _I’m_ the one with weird eyes right now?”

“Starin’ at me like that, God. Get in the fuckin’ house - apartment - whatever!” It'd been about a month since the party, and Colby had been getting increasingly agitated, or something adjacent to it, at any extended eye contact with Brennen.

He had been in such an odd rush since the shoot ended. Brennen had caught him staring at himself in odd reflections, peeking at people around them. He kept his hands well occupied in the car, with his phone, and vape, and water bottle. “Why? Like, fine, but why the rush -- are you okay?”

Colby grumbled something under his breath, making his way past Brennen and dragging him by the collar of his jacket. He hastily unlocked the door and dragged Brennen inside, shutting it behind him.

His face fell into his hands, back still to Brennen. He took a deep breath, Brennen could see him hold it before releasing it. His ears were flushed. He placed a hand on Colby’s shoulder. “Hey, woah, you o-”

Before he could finish, his hand was swatted away and Colby was in his face. He looked almost angry. His eyes dragged down and back up Brennen’s form to a perplexed face. “Dude, what is going on?”

“You’re gonna - I...I can’t - I don’t wanna - no, okay, I do -” He was somehow making less sense than when he was silent. 

“Okay, you wanna take a deep breath and talk this out, bruthr?” Brennen asked, hand coming up to brush Colby’s cheek. His breath was quicker than usual, cheeks flushed. He didn’t feel feverish, but he looked it. 

“Fuck you!” Colby spat. And then his face fell.

“What the fuck is going on, dude, you need to -”

“I know!” He almost shouted, bouncing on his feet for a moment and leaning back into Brennen’s touch. “I know - I - I’m sorry - I know what I need. What I need to do.” He tipped over, resting his forehead on Brennen’s shoulder.

Brennen let his fingers sift through Colby’s hair, scratching his scalp how he knows he likes it. Colby stepped closer, dropping his keys on the counter and moaning into the sensation.

“Okay, man. Well you’re kinda worrying me here, and I wanna help you with whatever you need but -”

Colby groaned, hand balled in a fist coming to rest gently by Brennen’s hip. “Help with what I need, _fuck you_ \- not, no, not fuck you, fuck me, fuck everything. God dammit.”

He straightened up, staring right into Brennen’s eyes, which Brennen guessed he was okay with now. Not sure why it was such a problem earlier. Not sure why anything was a problem today. 

“Fu-uck me.” Colby half-sobbed. His eyes were dry, though. Clear, and heated.

“I-” Brennen could only cock his head to the side and gape. He wasn’t sure what to do in this situation. “What?”

Colby pointed to himself then Brennen, back and forth a few times. “I fuck you, you fuck me.”

Brennen’s eyebrows perked up. “ _What?_ ”

“You fuck me, I fuck you, we - we all - there’s fucking. I scream, you scream, we all scream for fucking.”

Yep, past words. He didn’t have words. Just _so many_ concerns.

“I don’t know how...how do the girls do this?” Colby muttered to himself. He kicked out of his shoes, eyes on the floor. 

“What girls?” He wasn’t high, or drunk. Brennen had been with him all day, and if Colby was fucked up he would be too. Sharing is caring, right?

“Girls, the - the girls!” Colby began to gesture at nothing in particular. “All of - well, not all, just - dick! Dick girls, I don’t know how they like...get to it.”

“To their dicks?” Brennen tried. Was this a trans-rights issue? Was Colby coming out? He honestly didn’t see that coming, but hey, he’d support him. Her?

“Yes!” Colby perked up, lit up like a lightbulb, and pointed to Brennen, smiling. Maybe he’d hit his head at the shoot? No...that’s not it. Was he getting sick or something? He was usually low energy when sick but this seemed way higher energy than usual.

“Dick?” It sounded like a genuine question, like it had been a full sentence.

“I’m sorry, I don’t…” Brennen shook his head, “I don’t understand the question?”

Colby grumbled again. “I don’t - How do they do it?”

“The ‘Dick girls?’”

“Yeah.” He was thinking, clearly, he could almost see the gears turning in his head while he chewed at his thumb nail. 

“How do they do what?”

Colby shook his head no, staring at the ground, eyes shifting, before snapping back to Brennen’s, then away again. “No judgement?”

“None.” Maybe he’d hit his head at the shoot? No...that’s not it. Was he getting sick or something? He was usually low energy when sick but this seemed way higher energy than usual. He seemed weirdly sober, just keyed up a bit. A lot.

“I...I cleaned my ass.” He wouldn’t meet Brennen’s gaze. 

“I mean...good? You should...keep your ass clean?”

Colby huffed, and then grumbled, and then made his way to the couch. He flopped down onto his back, heated mumbles, and pressed his hands into his face. “Fuck!”

Brennen made a quick way out of his shoes and jacket, hurrying over to Colby. He sat by his feet, and placed a hand gently on his thigh. Colby groaned, back arching up just a little, before sobbing out a moan and falling back down.

“Dude, words. Please. What the hell is going on?”

Colby took a sharp inhale. Sitting up, eyes closed, and finally let it fall out. “I don’t know how to - how to like.” He shook his head. “Okay, so you and I - we - _we_ \- I…” He groaned.

“Did I do something?” Brennen tried. 

“Y-yeah, but not - nothing bad - I just...Jesus, fuck, Colby, get it together.”

Brennen rubbed his leg. “Okay, well what did I do?”

Colby made an odd sound, almost fussed, the flush from his cheeks reaching down under his shirt. Brennen wanted to see how far it went. 

“Everything!” Colby flopped back onto his back, eyes still closed, but his leg shifting to push back into Brennen’s hand.

“I -”

“It’s everything. It’s - you wake up next to me, and you make fucking breakfast -”

Brennen chuckled, “Well you can’t cook so -”

“And then you’re _funny_ and you - you touch me - you touch me _so many ways_ ” It almost sounded like he hurt. 

If that was an issue, it would suck. He kinda really loved feeling Colby up, but if it was an issue he would suck it up and stop. “Do you want me to stop touching -”

“No! No, no, don’t - don’t stop - I like it, I like it when you touch, how you touch, where you touch, fuck.” He wiggled into the couch a little. 

“Okay, so then what’s the problem?”

“That it feels so good, and it gets under my fuckin’ skin, and I need to do something about it, because it’s driving me fuckin’ crazy,” Duh.

“And I tried, I _tried_ and it was almost - it was close but not the same, not as good, and I couldn’t keep it up, I couldn’t finish it, and then you walk around _making fuckin’ waffles in your fuckin’ sweats and telling the cashier that I’m your boyfriend_ ” Shit, he hadn’t even thought about that, it just slipped out. He hadn’t asked Colby, he should’ve asked.

“And then, _then_ ” He wiggled a finger “You’re gonna just sit there, in front of me, right in front of me, through the _whole fucking shoot_ and you’re gonna just be _that fucking hot,_ and _you_ touch me better than _I_ touch me,"

He was rambling and he knew it, but he needed to get it out, and didn't know any other way "And you cook, and you say nice things, and you already consider me your boyfriend and if I don’t do something I’m gonna fuckin’ explode, except I tried, I tried, and I can’t, so I need you to do it, but I can’t pressure you, because you’re so fuckin’ you, you’re so good, you’re so _so good_ and so I should just ask, or ease it in -” He choked there, like the words themselves caught in his throat. 

Brennen just nodded at the unending word vomit. He felt he was following, he felt flattered, but some part of him was still deeply confused. “So you...like what I do?”

“Yep.”

“And you want me to keep doing it?”

“Yes, please.”

“Okay, and you need me to do something because you can’t do it, because you cleaned your ass and tried and you can’t do it like I can?” Something about the concept of that, alone, swiftly and firmly grasped his dick’s attention.

Colby groaned and nodded. “And you can’t just ask me to finger your ask because…?”

He moaned again at the words, squirming under Brennen’s hand. And that gave Brennen an idea. He shifted, parting Colby’s legs, to which Colby put up absolutely no fight. He positioned himself on his knees between them and shifted forward, letting his free arm bare his weight on the couch so he could loom over Colby and stroke further up his thigh. “Look at me.”

Colby’s eyes blinked open, dragging down Brennen’s form and back up again, hips shifting futilely for friction.

“Why couldn’t you just ask?” He leaned down and placed a kiss on Colby’s cheek. “If you want me to finger you nice and open, I will.” He kept his voice low, if just to hear the way Colby moaned for him. Colby’s hands slipped under his shirt, fingertips tracing the toned muscle underneath. 

“I didn’t know how.” He finally admitted. 

“So you were trying to seduce me like a girl - a straight - a dick girl? Really?”

Colby shrugged, “Don’t know how they do it either.” He was blushing, not entirely out of arousal. Brennen couldn’t help but laugh. “And I didn’t want to pressure you.” He kissed his forehead. “Well, I appreciate that.” He dipped down to kiss at Colby’s neck, “But if you need me, going forward, you can ask.” Colby nodded frantically. “You can ask and I’ll give it to you.” He made a point to grind his hips down on that note. 

“Fuck, Brennen, please?”

He smiled, and then let his teeth nip at the sensitive skin there. Shoot was over, who cared about marks?

“Please, what? What do you need, babe?”

Because it was a need now, and he couldn’t help himself if he tried, and he needed to be nice, and be good, and get Brennen _inside_.

“I’m sorry I freaked out, I just - I didn’t know what to do - how to ask - if I should, if you were ready, or, or - fuck.” Brennen’s tongue was making it increasingly difficult to think. “And I know we’ve done some stuff, but I was thinking about - fuck - about _more_ and I don’ wanna be selfish but then you’re you, and I just wanted it to be good, and right, and not fuck it up.”

Brennen just groaned into Colby’s neck and ground down again. He wanted to make some snide comment about how if anyone would fuck it all up, it’d be himself, but he shoved it away. He had a far more pressing matter to address. “What _more_ did you wanna do? What have you been thinking about when you try to handle it all by yourself?”

Colby couldn’t help the shudder that ran through him, that tone, the heat and weight of Brennen on top of him, if he wasn’t pent up before he definitely was now. 

Brennen had made a steady rhythm of grinding against Colby now, less an homage to their origin of reckless sexual behavior, and more a growing need for relief. Because the idea of Colby needing him was quickly stoking the heat low inside of him. “Thinking about me getting you nice and ready, and easing it in?”

Colby nodded. “Yeah” He almost choked on it. Fuck, everything he lacked in sexy finesse, Brennen more than made up for. Because Brennen was always struggling to be so polite, so timid, to take his time and care and make sure he wasn’t rushing, or self-medicating, but now he got to see it, got to see how Brennen was when he just wanted some, and _fuck_ was it hot. 

“Then what do you want? Just ask.”

Colby swallowed, his hand making its way to Brennen’s hair, something to ground him as Brennen yanked at his shirt to suck a hickey into the top of his chest. “I just wanna do it right, you’re so good, I just wanna make sure - make sure what I do is good too.”

Brennen could’ve preened, purred, at the sentimental yet somehow wrecked tone. “What do you wanna do to me that’s just right, and good?” He took a sharp bite, but kept his weight pinning Colby to the couch. He could feel Colby’s dick throb against him.

“Fuck, fuck, Brennen.”

“I know.” He kissed the spot. It had been a while, and it hadn’t been the healthiest, but he _had_ fucked a boy before, and if he was gonna do it again, especially with this boy, it would be _right_ and _good_. He knew what Colby wanted, what he needed, but he also needed a precedent for communication. Couldn’t fuck his brains out if he didn’t know how he liked it, what _exactly_ got him going. And he’d love to take all the time to parse it out bit by bit and explore every little nook and cranny of Colby’s sexuality, but his dick was far less patient.

“Fuck, Brennen, I wanna suck your cock. Please?” Brennen stopped at that. 

“I-If it’s not okay, that’s fine, I just can’t stop fuckin’ thinking about it, and I just wanna -”

Brennen shifted up. “That’s...yeah, that’s way more than fine, dude, you can...yeah.” He searched Colby’s eyes for anything betraying, anything apprehensive, but he only saw heat and hunger staring back. “Glad you finally admitted it.”

“What do you mean ‘finally?’” Colby posed, almost offended, as he shoved Brennen back, coming to settle between his legs, one on the floor, the other bent on the couch. 

“You lick your lips and swallow any time you can see even the outline of my dick, Colby.”

“I do n-” He glanced down at the hardness between Brennen’s legs, and couldn’t stop his tongue from flicking out. He tried and failed to not swallow. “Okay, that’s fair.” His hands quickly undid Brennen’s buttons, tapping him to lift his hips and yank the fabric down. Brennen hissed as it was relieved on the uncomfortable pressure of the denim. Colby moaned, taking the heated hardness into his hand.

He scooted back, and leaned down.

“Just take your time, it takes some ge- fuck!”

Colby licked a wide stripe from the base up to the slit, and popped the head in his mouth. Brennen’s hands gripped at the couch as he felt the _hotwetsuckyes_ across the sensitive tip, felt those perfect lips slide down and back up a few inches. Colby gagged, but didn’t give up, moaning into the sensation of the blunt head at the back of his mouth, felt it ease one thing and stoke on another. Brennen squirmed, eyes falling shut for a moment then back open to watch. 

Colby let his tongue work, stroking the underside while he tried to suck and keep his teeth out of the way. It was work, but he couldn’t get enough of Brennen huffing, and swearing, and trying not to buck up into his mouth. He slid down as far as he could manage without gagging, savoring the heavy mass against his tongue, and swallowed. He could hear Brennen’s hands scramble for somewhere to grab. The hand at the base he used to stroke up to meet his lips, and then as he brought it down he pushed himself a bit further, feeling the tip slip just barely into his throat. He smiled, and gagged again.

With a splutter, he popped off, and found Brennen staring at him, dark, scalding, and wild. “What the fuck, Colby?” He was breathless.

“It feels good.” He shrugged. 

Brennen just nodded in amazement. “You like…?”

Colby licked from the base to the slit again, then back down, suckling gently on a ball. “Choking on your cock? Yeah.” He made a point to make eye contact. He was past anxiety and confusion now, the lid was off. “I like it.”

“Jesus, fuck - _fuck!_ ” and he was back down Colby’s throat again. He was _not_ going to last long if he kept it up, sucking and moaning and squeezing against him like that. A well played twirl of the tongue and rub of the hand tugged at the heat building, and he tapped on Colby’s shoulder. “Babe, I can’t, I - you gotta stop or I’m gonna cum.”

Colby popped off with a whine. “I wanna taste it though.” He was nearly pouting. Fuck, Brennen wanted to slip his cock right back between those lips. Colby kept stroking him gently, teasing the heat higher. 

“Fucking hell, Colby.”

Colby smirked, “What? I just wanna taste it.” He dipped down to lick at the head. Before he could wrap his lips around it, Brennen took a handful of his hair. “If you make me cum, baby, I can’t fuck you.” Colby’s eyes met his, tongue still pressed to the underside of his head. “And trust me, I really, _really_ wanna fuck you.”

“Fuck.” Colby breathed.

“Yeah, that’s the idea. C’mere.” He pulled until Colby was on top, straddling him, one hand exploring whatever skin he could reach and the other working out of his own pants. Brennen reached down to aid him with one hand, the other pulling Colby’s lips to his. He melted, groaned into the kiss. There was no sweet softness, only rough need playing on tongues. He could taste himself just barely on Colby’s tongue and it sent a shiver down his spine. 

The moment he got Colby free, kicked out from his pants, he was yanking at his shirt. Their kiss broke only to get rid of the clothing. Brennen whipped his own shirt off, and slid back into their heated make-out, now nude and writhing on the couch. Colby scooted up further, grinding his ass against Brennen, lips moving to his jaw, neck, shoulder, chest. 

The head of Brennen caught, just for a moment, against Colby’s hole, dragging a hiss and groan from the both of them. “Fuck, Brennen please.” He sounded breathless, desperate, as he leaked onto Brennen’s abs. “Either fuck me or let me suck you off, please” He ground down and back, as if trying to press it in, “I need it.”

Brennen reached back, letting his fingers play across the hole, watching carefully the way Colby arched into it. He loved it, indulged in how sensitive and responsive Colby was once he had his mind made up “I know, babe, c’mere.” He wrapped his other arm around him, shifting and tipping over to lay Colby softly on his back. He slid back and pulled Colby’s legs open, kissing up his thighs, to his cheeks. “Roll over.”

Colby gave him a curious look for a moment and slowly rolled over, trying to quell of nagging pressure clawing at his skin. He settled onto his stomach, pressing himself down against the cushions. 

“Such a cute ass.” Brennen admired, giving it two quick swats. Colby arched back into it, moaning, swearing under his breath. _Noted._

He palmed each cheek, pulling them apart, and kissed each before laving his tongue across the hole. “Oh, fuck!” Colby jolted. _So responsive_

“I know, baby.” Brennen smiled, rubbing Colby’s hip with one hand and tonguing at him. Colby let out a choked moan. It was sensitive, he _knew_ it was sensitive, and he’d played with himself back there before, but _this?_ This sent sparks across his skin, made the ball of need in him throb and swell. He pressed back slightly, bathing in the pleasure of Brennen’s tongue on him, moaning and pleading as a finger began to trace and press at his entrance. “Please, fuck, Brennen, please.”

Brennen kissed a cheek. “Do you have lube?”

He tried to think, as clearly as he could. He knew he didn’t have standard lube, but maybe lotion would work? Or conditioner? He was not _not_ getting fucked today. He twisted around and pointed toward a jar in the kitchen.

Brennen looked back. “Yeah, uh...so that’s salt and that’s the _last_ thing you want in your ass.

Colby scoffed, “I mean sriracha would be worse.”

“The fuck is wrong with you?” Brennen gave his ass a hard smack and groped the area, loving the way Colby’s eyes fluttered shut. _Duly_ noted.

“Th-there’s coconut oil.” Oh. Okay, yeah, he could work with that. He hopped up quickly and rifled through the cabinets until he found the jar, snatching it up. 

When he turned around, Colby had pulled his knees in to hitch his hips up and had a finger playing with his own ass, face buried in a pillow, other hand teasing his cock. He damn near dropped the jar. Frozen in place, he just stared, watching Colby try to pleasure himself, try to do what he already admitted Brennen did better. He watched the tip of a middle finger press into the hole, the whimper making his cock throb. 

“Brennen, please.” Colby begged. Didn’t need asking twice.

Brennen snapped back into it, hurrying over to the couch and opening the jar. “Don’t uh...don’t cook with this after, okay?”

Colby nodded and spread his legs. Brennen dipped a finger into the oil, and prompted Colby to lay back down. He pulled Colby’s hand away, and pressed against the hole. The oil did wonders for slicking the way, and he sunk in slowly to the knuckle. Colby whined, shifting his hips around. 

“Need to open you first, baby, we’ll get there.”

He looked over to see Colby biting one of his knuckles. “You okay?”

Colby nodded quickly, his other hand reaching back to hold onto Brennen’s where it supported him by his waist. “Just - just fucking want it, baby, _please_.”

Brennen kissed his back. “I know, baby, but I want it to feel good, and right. I’m not gonna hurt you.”

Colby grumbled something, but sat still. Brennen began to stroke in and out, the drag making Colby hazy and heated, tension pulling tighter. Brennen pulled out, and wiped more oil onto his fingers, pressing back with two. 

“God, yes, more, please.” 

“Fuck, baby, that's.” He shook his head like he could remove the thought manually "That's so hot." Colby felt him press in with both fingers, and the stretch felt absolutely amazing. He could feel him just barely teasing around the spot where he wanted - needed - it so bad, his fingers were longer, more experienced, and he was gagging at the need. 

If he couldn’t beg his way into a fucking, he could tease, maybe, he decided. He reached past himself to grab at Brennen’s cock, circling it with his fingers, and stroking. He took the hiss as a good sign, and tightened his awkward grip, rocking back onto the fingers. 

Brennen worked him open carefully, slowly, decidedly not paying attention to Colby's hand on him. He was gentle when around Colby’s prostate, didn’t want him too sensitive to continue. It didn’t hurt, the way he clenched and begged around him, either. Colby picked up the pace of his stroking, legs trembling, lip bitten. The nagging tension was making order now, to buck back, to finger himself open, to just jump onto Brennen and take whatever hurt may come. He groaned at the loss when Brennen’s fingers pulled out, drawing across sensitive skin every inch. 

“Brennen, please. I can’t - I need, please, I need you.”

Brennen quickly slicked up another finger and pressed all three in, shifting his weight forward to lean down and kiss Colby’s cheek. “Almost, baby, almost.”

“Please, I - ahh!” Brennen hooked and twisted his fingers, all three pressing into Colby’s prostate. He jolted, moaned, clenched down on Brennen and it only made it more intense, his eyes watering, sparks dazzling up his spine. “Oh my god, oh my god, right - yes, yes - right there.”

Brennen smiled, chest swelling, cock leaking, at the sound of Colby telling him he does it right. He kissed his cheek again. “Just like that, baby, tell me how you like it right in my ear.”

The wave of heat that washed over Colby had him weak. He was at Brennen’s cruel patience and mercy, and he fucking _liked it_. “I - I like it, the way you - fuck, _fuck_ \- the way touch there.”

He rolled his hips back in time with Brennen’s hand, the position had him pressed in deep, up to the knuckle. He could feel it in his gut, just below the _need,_ how deep he was. Deeper than Colby had ever been, deeper than before the night of the party. Brennen slipped out and then pushed back in quickly, dragging across his prostate each time, until it got easier, until he was fully relaxed “Right there?”.

Colby nodded, eyes shut tight. 

“You ready?” He sounded strained, impatient, finally. 

Colby’s eyes shot open, he twisted hard to look at Brennen. He looked just as strained, thinly veiled control as his cock leaked across Colby’s fingers and his chest heaved. The fingers of his hand under Colby’s laced through, holding tight. “Y-yeah, yes, ‘m ready, so ready, please.”

Brennen bent down to give him a quick kiss, then pulled his fingers out, sitting back and yanking Colby with him. Colby settled to straddle Brennen’s lap.

“First time, you should - you on top, so you can set the speed and depth and everything it can be - oh!”

Colby had leaned over, one hand against Brennen’s shoulder, and the other lining Brennen up. He was thick, and Colby knew it would be a lot, but he couldn’t wait. Brennen moved one hand to Colby’s hip, and the other to the base of his cock. He had half a mind to grab both hips and pull him down, but that would be for another time. Colby held himself open, and lined up, and then lowered slowly, until he could feel the very tip press inside.

“Oh, fuck, babe.”

Brennen nodded. Colby nodded back, releasing one cheek and bracing himself against Brennen again. He sank down lower until the head popped in all the way. “Ho-oh-oh, fuck.”

Brennen stroked Colby’s hip, “You good?”

“Mhmm...you?”

“Doin’ great, just take your time.” He tried to sound patient, he did _not_ feel it, not with the heat scorching him, the _tightwethotmorepleasemore_ nearly sucking him in. Colby let his forehead lean against Brennen’s, and sunk deeper still, until he was further than where fingers had been, opening up untouched areas. He gasped at the sensation, fingers digging into Brennen’s shoulder.

“Fuck, that’s...oh.”

Brennen cupped his cheek with his clean hand, the other still stroking his waist and hips. “Good?”

“Good.” He picked himself up and inch and sunk back down, and the heat, the stretch, it felt, fuck, it felt amazing. “So good.” And he worked like that, up and down, with Brennen occasionally reaching for the oil to keep him slick and safe. His cock dragged across Brennen’s abs with each calculated bounce, until he felt more adjusted. 

He swallowed heavy. “I’m gonna - gonna go, uh, faster. Is that okay?”

“Whatever you need, baby.” Brennen breathed, his oiled hand groping and squeezing Colby’s ass. Colby took a slow breath and began to move faster, taking a few inches at a time with each rise and fall. The stroking, dragging, opening, filling stretch had his mind reeling, his jaw falling open, he’d imagined but this, this was _so much better_ , and the pressure only urged him faster. He wanted more, wanted those long strokes hitting all the right spots, wanted hands and lips and teeth on his skin stretched tight. 

Brennen himself fought down to waves of heat, the rolling urge to hold Colby by the hips and snap up into him, seat himself fully and make him fall apart. He could wait, he needed Colby ready, and adjusted before this went any faster. Right, and good. 

Colby slowed for a moment, grinding his hips in a circle a few times, clenching each time Brennen’s shaft pressed to his sweet spot; then grinding forward to get some friction for his cock, red and weeping; back to working up and down; and then repeating. He was growing achy, needy, frustrated. With a huff he dropped his head onto Brennen’s shoulder. 

“I can’t, baby, I - I don’t know - I -”

Brennen pulled his face up and gave him a kiss. It was chaste, but strong. Reassuring. “Hey, hey...it’s okay. What do you need?”

Colby hummed, pressed back into the kiss, and then nuzzled into the crook of his neck, hips moving any way he could. “I can’t - I can’t like, stroke and hit the spot and my dick, and I just - I need it. I need it so bad, please.” Brennen could feel the thin layer of sweat building on Colby, could feel the urges flaring up, feel the desperation in Colby’s voice.

Brennen stroked a hand through Colby’s hair and pulled him close, just to hold him for a minute, trying to sit still with his cock half-lodged up Colby’s tight, wet, searing hot -

“Okay, how about you lay down, take a breath, and I try.” Colby nodded against him. “That sound good?”

“I wanna cum, I wanna cum on your dick, I wanna make you cum, please. I just - please?” He muttered. Sounded so messy, so needy.

He nearly swooned at the sound of Colby talking like that - meaning it. Brennen pressed a kiss into his temple. “Okay, babe, we can do that. I-I would very much like to do that too.” He eased himself out of Colby’s ass, the loss his cock sorely mourned. Colby whined, fingers sliding back to slip inside, just to keep some semblance of that feeling, that delicious stretch. He helped Colby ease himself onto his back, slipping a pillow from his side under Colby’s hips. He positioned himself between Colby’s legs and lined up, but first shifted onto his forearms and placed a kiss on Colby’s lips.

“You good?”

“Yeah.” Colby pecked him back, wrapping an arm around his neck, the other tracing lines up his back. 

“You let me know if it’s too much, or not good, okay?”

“Okay.” He whispered back, peppering kisses over Brennen’s cheek and jaw. Brennen pushed one of Colby’s legs up a bit, and then grabbed at the base of himself, sliding in far easier than the first time. Colby groaned and arched into it. 

“Please.”

“I got you.” He laced his fingers into Colby’s hair and pressed deeper, the head popping in. He gave a bit more, then pulled out, to push back in just a bit deeper. Out and further in, out and further in, each stroke sending sparks and butterflies free in Colby’s stomach. Brennen grit his teeth and kept his slow pace, stopping at times to cool off, to keep from just slamming home. Right, and good. 

Colby had moved on to rolling his hips to match Brennen’s, dragging nails down his back. “More, please, I can - I can handle more.” 

“You sure?”

“Yeah, please.”

Brennen pushed in deeper on his next stroke, past where they’d gotten before. He picked up the pace a little, working his way in, working Colby open for him, panting and moaning beneath him.

“Fuck, _fuck!_ Brennen you’re - that’s, that’s a lot - you’re fuckin’ big.”

Brennen stopped, the heat washing over him, biting back the need to drag out and shove back in. “Baby, th-thank you but it’s, I’m...you’re uh, you’re tight, like _fuck_ you’re tight.” Colby’s hand moved to Brennen’s ass and pulled. 

“Faster? I can - we can go faster?”

Brennen kissed him, and pulled back, pressing in deeper again. “I’m not, like, all the way in, yet. You good here?” He might bite his tongue off resisting but he’d fuckin’ do it, for Colby.

“You’re not” His eyes darted down and he groaned heavy at the sight of it, Brennen hardly an inch above him, sculpted like art, with at least an inch left to give. “Oh fuck, all of it, please, all of it.” He pressed a hand to the couch behind him and pushed himself down, as Brennen pressed forward, squaring flush against his hips. “Oh, fuck.”

Brennen buried his face into the crook of Colby’s neck, biting down once. “Fucking hell, Colby you feel so fuckin’ good, baby.”

“Fuck, please, m-move, faster, please.” Brennen nodded, pulling out and sliding back in, taking a quicker pace, still manageable, but teasing at the need that was quickly becoming a demand, his balls already aching and tight. Colby’s nails dug into him, and he dropped in harder, a light smack every time they made contact.

He reached under Colby’s hips, to arch his back, shoving the pillow to take up the space made, and gave a long and aimed stroke. Colby choked on the moan that fell out, grazing long and steady past that spot that made him see stars. 

“Oh, fuck, fuck, yes, right there, please, right there.” His nails were scraping lines down Brennen’s back, the other clamped tight on his ass. 

“Yeah? You like it like that?”

He nodded frantically, the breathless ache in Brennen’s voice only making the need that much worse. “Yeah, yes, please, more, fuck, don’t stop.” He hadn’t meant to sound so desperate but he’d been begging for it, gagging for it, for a while now and he could be embarrassed later.

Brennen pulled back and snapped his hips up, hard, each stroke pressing directly into that spot before dragging past and back out, and it was making Colby _crazy_. He couldn’t think, could barely breathe, flushed down to his chest, where all the pleasure had built up, suffocating him. He wanted Brennen closer, pressed right down, on top of him, he wanted Brennen panting and swearing and cumming in him, and holy fuck, he wanted to cum for Brennen too. Needed it.

But he couldn’t focus on anything but how good it felt, couldn’t hold onto a thought under the _stretchedfuckedfilledhot_ meeting the godblessed spot-stroking crazy-making way Brennen was fucking him _just fucking right_ and _so fucking good_. He dug his heels into the couch, and pushed against the arm, bouncing back to meet each thrust, each pant and swear and moan on Brennen’s lips driving him closer. He didn’t know if he could cum like this, without any attention to his dick, but he could feel something building, feel the tension rising, like it might crest and break if it got any more.

“C-Colby, fuck, babe, you’re taking it so well, baby, you feel amazing.” Brennen managed between pants and hisses.

“B’cus so good, _fuck, fuck!_ Brenn’n so fucking good, God, fuck,” was all he could manage back. The pace was picking up, the force too. Brennen wasn’t tentatively stroking anymore, he was full on fucking into Colby and Colby loved every inch of it. He could feel himself screwing tighter, his balls drawing up, his cock twitching, leaking, aching.

Brennen could feel his own control slipping. He needed more, just a little more, to get that relief, fix that insatiable urge, but if he went any harder, any faster, he wouldn’t last. And he _needed_ Colby to cum for him.

Colby tried to reach down to stroke himself but it broke the rhythm and he went back to pushing against the couch. Brennen tried too, but it was hard to balance with the pace, and they both gave a frustrated groan. 

“Brennen, I can’t, I need it, I need to cum,” Brennen nodded to him, in complete agreement, “It’s so close, I - harder, fuck, just please, _please.”_

Brennen leaned further down, to practically lay on Colby. He looped one arm around his back, under his waist to hold him close, pin his cock between their stomachs, the other bracing him by Colby’s head. Colby’s hips rolled and bucked, aching for him to fuck back into him again.

“I got you, hang on a sec, I got you.” He kissed Colby’s cheek, fingertips brushing his hair, and shoved in, hard. 

The garbled, shaky shout from Colby was enough to tell him that it was good, and he kept that angle, and a quick pace, lewd smacking and even lewder moans filling the room. “Holy, holy fuck, Brenn’n y’re, y’re on it,” Colby turned to bite and suck at Brennen’s ear, his jaw, anything he could get his mouth on. “F-faster, please, I’m so, I’m so close, please.”

Brennen shook his head, gritting his teeth against the impending orgasm clawing at him, the heat stifling and scorching, balls taut and skin tight. “Baby, if I - if I go any faster I’m not gonna last.”

Colby stopped playing with his ear, and tried to look him in the eyes, giving a huff. “ _Baby,_ y’re laying on my cock and g-spot, at the same time, ‘nd I need you t’ fuck me, and cum, in my ass. Please.”

And he could not, for the life of him, say ‘no’ to a request like that. He could feel any last vestige of self-control slip into oblivion, swallowed up by lust and need and _heat_. So he planted his hand over Colby’s on the couch arm, and slammed back in, dragging himself across Colby’s cock in the motion.

He hissed between gritted teeth, barely parsing apart Colby’s rambling moans, “That it? You want me to fuck you nice and hard, baby?” He couldn’t stop himself. “You want me to fuck that cum right out of you, huh?”

“God, fuck, yes, fuck, ple-please, I- I, Brennen, I-"

“You gonna cum, baby?” Colby nodded frantically, mouth open and practically sobbing. “You gonna cum on my cock ‘cus you can’t fucking help yourself? Can’t help it when I fuck you like this”.

“Yes, yes! Fuck, please, I- please,”

He couldn’t help himself either, couldn’t fathom anything but the heat of Colby around him and he fact that it felt _so fucking good_.

Colby was actively losing his mind, toes curled, abs taut, cock throbbing, and that insufferable, impossible pleasure swelling up to catch in his throat, threatening to burst out and consume him. It was all so much, so intense, Brennen digging in and working out the tension of every little ache, and need, and urge.

“Fuck, Brenn’n, please” he chanted, each time higher and tigther than the last, shoved out between gasps.

Brennen could feel the tug, the swell,the consuming heat of rutting into Colby like he needed it to live. He pulled his hand from Colby’s back, and gave him two hard spanks to the side of his ass. If his voice came as a low, demanding growl, it was only because he meant it. “Then fucking cum for me, baby, I’m gonna-.”

And that did it. Colby shattered, back arching up, shaking, with a shout and a sob. The tension rushed out in a wave of relief that washed back as white-hot pleasure, racking and shaking him. The intensity scalded him, charged through him at an intensity he hadn’t felt before, could barely handle. He clung to Brennen, shouting with each wave and moaning between. Brennen looped the arm back “I got you,” he grit out and held him close, fucking him through it “Oh, God, yes, cum for me, I got you.”

He could feel it, feel the pool of wet on his abs, the shake of Colby’s ribs against his chest, the nails down his back, every clench and spasm and roll and shudder. Because _he_ did that to him, for him.

“Fuck, fuck, Colby, I- I’m gonna -” He bit down on Colby’s neck, burrowing into the crook while he held Colby flush to him and half-screamed when his own orgasm slammed into him. The relief sent shivers down his spine, the strain easing all at once, pouring out into Colby who shook and mewled in his arms.

After a timeless span of panting, and trembling, and nuzzling, Colby nudged Brennen out of his spot where he’d burrowed and kissed him. Once, then again, soft, and then once more. Brennen had begun to soften, but neither were all too inclined to move or do anything about it.

“Fuck, babe.” Colby breathed. He slid a hand to Brennen’s chest, God he wanted to nuzzle in there and take a nap.

“Yeah.”

“You - you’re...damn, okay.”

Brennen chuckled. “Good?”

“Amazing. Like I’m for sure at least part gay, that’s - that’s pretty clear for me now.”

“Yeah, nothing like the post-nut clarity of having a homie ram your ass to clear it up for you.” Brennen joked.

Colby reached for his shirt with a grumble and wiped himself up, then ran it across Brennen.

They eventually made it to standing, and then to the shower, and collapsed quickly into bed after Brennen insisted on checking Colby’s ass for any damage. He let Colby know that prostate - it is called a prostate, not a g-spot - orgasms can be really intense, especially if they happen concurrently with a normal orgasm; that the shivers and weak legs are perfectly normal; that he just wanted to make sure he was taken care of. He got some water, helped him towel off, and made their way to the bed.

Colby snuggled up into his favorite safe spot between Brennen’s chest and shoulder, legs tangled and smile wide. “I totally get it.”

“Get what?” Brennen looked to him while he pulled the covers up and tucked them in. They weren’t planning on sleep but cuddles were much needed.

“That was...the most intense orgasm of my life - so like...I get it, all the songs and memes about, like, ‘when he hits it just right’, like, holy shit, Brennen, you can _fuck_.”

He just chuckled and pulled Colby closer, “Well thank you, and now that I know you’re a slick-tongued pain slut with a thing for dirty talk, I’ll be fucking you ‘just like that’” He faux-moaned the last bit.

“Excuse you.” Colby balked.

“Am I wrong?”

Colby stayed quiet but smiled into Brennen’s chest. 

“So am I, like, your boyfriend now?”

Brennen hummed. “I mean, do you wanna be?” He met Colby’s gaze.

“Yeah. Yeah, I do.”  
Brennen gave him a quick kiss. “Then yes, yes you are.”

“That’s pretty gay, dude.”

“Again, you literally just had my dick up your ass. We’re past this.”

Colby scoffed, “I’m never getting past that dick.”

“Ah, my boyfriend, with the insatiable ass.”

He hummed and nodded. “Boyfriend.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that was fun.


End file.
